Archive for the ‘Lower East Side’ Category

My New Wife, Wednesday One-liners

Guy: Man, you think Lee Harvey Oswald had good aim? You should meet my wife. 

–B train

Overheard by: Jess Issacharoff 

Woman: Her bridal shower was her sweet sixteen.

–F train

Queer on cell: Hi, Sweetie!…What? You got married? But honey, you’re gay!

–63rd & 3rd

Chick on cell: So did I tell you about the e‑mail I got? This guy I met on-line, on Nerve–we went out on like three dates, like a year and a half ago. Yeah, so I got an e‑mail from his wife and she was like, “Yo bitch, stay away from my husband.” So I wrote back, “Don’t e‑mail me, e‑mail your husband who’s been cheating on you for two fucking years.”

–33rd & Park

Teen girl: Yeah, he’s really lonely since his wife died 3 years ago. Now his best friend is his right hand and some skin lotion.

–Park Slope

Guy: Hey, how’s my wife and your kids?

–55th & Madison

Overheard by: Matt

Man on cell: I ain’t trying to see you nothin’. I want to marry you. I’m tellin you the truth. T‑R-U-F‑F. The Truth! 

–Atlantic Avenue gas station

Overheard by: Megan 

Gate agent: You need to listen to me. Don’t listen to your wife. Your wife doesn’t work here.

–Newark airport

Overheard by: jk

If Everybody You Meet Is a Wednesday One-Liner, Check the Mirror

Guy to friend: Yeah, Eric’s an asshole, but he’s like… my asshole.

–11th & Broadway

Overheard by: Z

Man on cell: I enjoy sucking the wind out of assholes.

–Brooklyn Public House

Overheard by: In fairness, the conversation was about verbal bullies

Girl: Wow, my asshole has just been all sorts of evil all day, I shat in four different bathrooms on this floor and the one up, so I wouldn’t suffer alone. I shared its wrath. Is that wrong?

–Office, Midtown

Loud dude: My asshole is really fucking itchy!

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Crazy hobo: Attention everyone! You’re all assholes! Stupid assholes!!

–Park Row, near Brooklyn Bridge

Overheard by: Hollister