Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Lower Manhattan’ Category

Wednes­day One-lin­ers are Out in the Streets

Hobo: Shit, I’m jus’ tryin’ ta get me some pussy and a beef sand­wich.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Ja­son K

Old bag la­dy: I’m look­ing for some change, some food, or a sex­u­al part­ner.

–Lafayette & Great Jones

Hobo: I have some­thing to say! I fucked your daugh­ter! And she liked it! And she was tight!

–W. 4th & Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Snezhana Vald­man

Hobo: Too many Po­lice in­ves­ti­ga­tions stop­ping you from reach­ing your des­ti­na­tion? I may be home­less, but I got a brain. It may not be a big brain, but it’s usingable!

–Stat­en Is­land fer­ry

Over­heard by: Joel Guil­bert

Hobo: Well, since you won’t give me mon­ey, one more thing. Has your sis­ter or girl­friend, I don’t know who she is, ever told you that bag does not go with that coat?

–45th & 9th

Over­heard by: Paul Schel­len­berg

Drunk hobo: Hey girl! You look like Aretha Fran­lin! R‑E-S-E-C-P‑T! R‑E-S-E-C-P‑T! Give me some re­spect!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Evan

Hobo: It’s 90 de­grees out. Why are we wear­ing clothes? That’s men­tal ill­ness.

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter sta­tion

At Least She’s Read­ing

Ghet­to chick: Ex­cuse me! Ex­cuse me! What’s the name of the tow­ers that got knocked down?
In­cred­u­lous passer­by: Umm … The World Trade Cen­ter.
Ghet­to chick to thug boyfriend: See! I told you it was­n’t none of that twin tow­ers. You think­ing of Lord of the Rings.

–Vesey St

She To­tal­ly Got Sodom­ized by the Hulk

Girl: I talked to Jack­ie. She got some kind of bug in In­dia!
Guy: Oh, no! What hap­pened?
Girl: I don’t think I should talk about this now.
Guy: What­ev­er, no one cares.
Girl: Okay. Well, she was shit­ting green.
Guy: Oh, my God! Wait, I should not be laugh­ing, that is not fun­ny at all.
Girl: Yeah, and the doc­tor asked her to bring in a stool sam­ple and she was shit­ting so much that she brought one in a half hour lat­er. The doc­tors were like, “What the fuck?”.

–Union Square Re­gal Cin­e­mas

Those Were Bee­tle Eggs

Girl #1: Want to hear some­thing hor­ri­ble?
Girl #2: Sure, what?
Girl #1: This morn­ing I went to get a Brazil­ian but the la­dy left some wax in my ass and it keeps chaf­ing me…I’m in so much pain!

–South Street Sea­port

Over­heard by: Craig B.