Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Lower Manhattan’ Category

Those Were Bee­tle Eggs

Girl #1: Want to hear some­thing hor­ri­ble?
Girl #2: Sure, what?
Girl #1: This morn­ing I went to get a Brazil­ian but the la­dy left some wax in my ass and it keeps chaf­ing me…I’m in so much pain!

–South Street Sea­port

Over­heard by: Craig B.

Think They Have Ital­ian Food?

Girl #1: Do you think there are more places to eat this way or that way?
Cop: Well, there are four that way, and two this way, but the bet­ter places are this way.
Girl #2: Can you rec­om­mend a good place to eat then?
Cop: Uh, there’s sup­posed to be some­where good on the cor­ner of Spring and Mul­ber­ry.
Girl #1: Do you know the name of the place?
Cop: Maybe Lugi’s or Lom­bardi’s or some­thing, some wop­py Ital­ian name.

–Lit­tle Italy

Over­heard by: San Gen­naro Rev­el­er

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Don’t Un­der­stand the Cau­cus Sys­tem

Bleach-blonde: I would to­tal­ly vote for Mc­Cain if Mi­ley Cyrus were his run­ning mate.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: De­mo­c­rat

Woman: Oh, I am def­i­nite­ly a sin­gle-is­sue vot­er. And right now, that is­sue is: Which one of the can­di­dates can get me to a bath­room soon­est?

–7th Av­enue, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Chuck­ell

Drunk hobo to a group of pi­geons: And they’re all De­moc­rats. Can’t trust them De­moc­rats.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Young African Amer­i­can woman speak­ing an­i­mat­ed­ly on cell: … Vice pres­i­dent? Why should I run for Vice Pres­i­dent, I’m do­ing bet­ter than you, bitch! “Dream tick­et!” That’s why I hate white lib­er­als. They don’t know when they’re fucked up. Re­pub­li­cans don’t give a shit about you, but they know it.

–124th St, Harlem

Drunk wheel­bo, shout­ing across the en­tire fer­ry ter­mi­nal: Hillary, Hillary, she’s our man! If she can’t do it, no one can!

–White­hall Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal

La­dy on cell: When you done turn Gov­er­nor, you can’t play dat shit…

–As­so­ci­at­ed Su­per­mar­ket, Myr­tle Ave, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: PdQ

Do You Take This Wednes­day to Be Your Law­ful­ly Wed­ded One-Lin­er?

Grad stu­dent: Trans­la­tion: Will you mar­ry me? Or: I don’t want germs.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

Dude: … My wed­ding [mum­ble] gonna take away my clothes, so I’m go­ing to need a tear-away tuxe­do.

–53rd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Jo

Chick to an­oth­er: Yeah, he’s the one who would­n’t mar­ry her be­cause she was too pale.

–Star­bucks

Blonde: … And I’m re­al­ly not sure, be­cause he said he should­n’t un­less we are mar­ried, but that it’s okay, we could just do it and then he could just con­fess his sins or some­thing like that…

–Broad­way & Prince

Over­heard by: Dan

Les­bian to group: So, what is the rea­son be­hind get­ting mar­ried, be­sides pre­tend­ing to be het­ero­sex­u­al? Ex­act­ly — presents!

–Par­ty, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Jude