Little girl, happily: And that’s why I want to die.
Father, laughing: Why’s that?
Little girl: So I can join the Grateful Dead!
–City Hall
Archive for the ‘Lower Manhattan’ Category
Those Were Beetle Eggs
Girl #1: Want to hear something horrible?
Girl #2: Sure, what?
Girl #1: This morning I went to get a Brazilian but the lady left some wax in my ass and it keeps chafing me…I’m in so much pain!
–South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Craig B.
In the Realm of the Faceless, the Ugly Girl Is Queen
Schoolgirl #1: You know that girl in our global class?
Schoolgirl #2: The one with the face.
Schoolgirl #1: Yeah!
–Outside of Murry Bergatrum High School
That’s Clearly What’s Written There
White guy: Yo, what up my nigga?
Black guy: Chillin’, bro.
White chick #1: Did you hear what he just said?
White chick #2: Yeah, but it’s OK, he said nigga, not nigger.
–Sullivan Street
Overheard by: Uncle Ray Ray
Ladies and Gentlemen: Finally, the Reason the 7 Train Smells Like That
Employee #1: Did you know one company will fly you to outer space for $40 million?
Employee #2: I would never do that. I’d shit myself.
Employee #1: I shit myself even going to Queens!
–Broad & Beaver
I’m a Little Fuzzy on the Late Nineties
Woman: Well, it turns out that I was married a second time.
Man: Turns out to be? Like this was a surprise to you?
–Church & Liberty
Times Were Tough for Fezzik After the Flash in the pan of ‘The Princess Bride’
Fat bouncer #1: Where the fuck is there a bagel store around here?
Fat bouncer #2: Umm… Bagels are delicious. Hey, maybe they have knishes. That rhymed!
Fat bouncer #1: You make no fucking sense.
–The Knitting Factory
Overheard by: hjane
Think They Have Italian Food?
Girl #1: Do you think there are more places to eat this way or that way?
Cop: Well, there are four that way, and two this way, but the better places are this way.
Girl #2: Can you recommend a good place to eat then?
Cop: Uh, there’s supposed to be somewhere good on the corner of Spring and Mulberry.
Girl #1: Do you know the name of the place?
Cop: Maybe Lugi’s or Lombardi’s or something, some woppy Italian name.
–Little Italy
Overheard by: San Gennaro Reveler
Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Understand the Caucus System
Bleach-blonde: I would totally vote for McCain if Miley Cyrus were his running mate.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Democrat
Woman: Oh, I am definitely a single-issue voter. And right now, that issue is: Which one of the candidates can get me to a bathroom soonest?
–7th Avenue, Park Slope
Overheard by: Chuckell
Drunk hobo to a group of pigeons: And they’re all Democrats. Can’t trust them Democrats.
–Washington Square Park
Young African American woman speaking animatedly on cell: … Vice president? Why should I run for Vice President, I’m doing better than you, bitch! “Dream ticket!” That’s why I hate white liberals. They don’t know when they’re fucked up. Republicans don’t give a shit about you, but they know it.
–124th St, Harlem
Drunk wheelbo, shouting across the entire ferry terminal: Hillary, Hillary, she’s our man! If she can’t do it, no one can!
–Whitehall Ferry Terminal
Lady on cell: When you done turn Governor, you can’t play dat shit…
–Associated Supermarket, Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: PdQ
Maybe If You Shaved Her Balls?
Chick #1: I dunno, I’d be scared to have kids with Todd.
Chick #2: Why?
Chick #1: I mean, he’s an okay-looking guy and all, but can you imagine if a girl looked like him?
–15th & 5th
Overheard by: Manhattman
