Chick: …and the next thing I knew, I kicked her ass three times.
–Lolita Bar
Archive for the ‘Lower Manhattan’ Category
Wednesday One-liners are Out in the Streets
Hobo: Shit, I’m jus’ tryin’ ta get me some pussy and a beef sandwich.
–Union Square
Overheard by: Jason K
Old bag lady: I’m looking for some change, some food, or a sexual partner.
–Lafayette & Great Jones
Hobo: I have something to say! I fucked your daughter! And she liked it! And she was tight!
–W. 4th & University
Overheard by: Snezhana Valdman
Hobo: Too many Police investigations stopping you from reaching your destination? I may be homeless, but I got a brain. It may not be a big brain, but it’s usingable!
–Staten Island ferry
Overheard by: Joel Guilbert
Hobo: Well, since you won’t give me money, one more thing. Has your sister or girlfriend, I don’t know who she is, ever told you that bag does not go with that coat?
–45th & 9th
Overheard by: Paul Schellenberg
Drunk hobo: Hey girl! You look like Aretha Franlin! R‑E-S-E-C-P‑T! R‑E-S-E-C-P‑T! Give me some respect!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Evan
Hobo: It’s 90 degrees out. Why are we wearing clothes? That’s mental illness.
–Rockefeller Center station
At Least She’s Reading
Ghetto chick: Excuse me! Excuse me! What’s the name of the towers that got knocked down?
Incredulous passerby: Umm … The World Trade Center.
Ghetto chick to thug boyfriend: See! I told you it wasn’t none of that twin towers. You thinking of Lord of the Rings.
–Vesey St
She Totally Got Sodomized by the Hulk
Girl: I talked to Jackie. She got some kind of bug in India!
Guy: Oh, no! What happened?
Girl: I don’t think I should talk about this now.
Guy: Whatever, no one cares.
Girl: Okay. Well, she was shitting green.
Guy: Oh, my God! Wait, I should not be laughing, that is not funny at all.
Girl: Yeah, and the doctor asked her to bring in a stool sample and she was shitting so much that she brought one in a half hour later. The doctors were like, “What the fuck?”.
–Union Square Regal Cinemas
You’d Get Tired Of Them in a Week, Same As the Rest of Us
Little girl, happily: And that’s why I want to die.
Father, laughing: Why’s that?
Little girl: So I can join the Grateful Dead!
–City Hall
Those Were Beetle Eggs
Girl #1: Want to hear something horrible?
Girl #2: Sure, what?
Girl #1: This morning I went to get a Brazilian but the lady left some wax in my ass and it keeps chafing me…I’m in so much pain!
–South Street Seaport
Overheard by: Craig B.
In the Realm of the Faceless, the Ugly Girl Is Queen
Schoolgirl #1: You know that girl in our global class?
Schoolgirl #2: The one with the face.
Schoolgirl #1: Yeah!
–Outside of Murry Bergatrum High School
That’s Clearly What’s Written There
White guy: Yo, what up my nigga?
Black guy: Chillin’, bro.
White chick #1: Did you hear what he just said?
White chick #2: Yeah, but it’s OK, he said nigga, not nigger.
–Sullivan Street
Overheard by: Uncle Ray Ray
Ladies and Gentlemen: Finally, the Reason the 7 Train Smells Like That
Employee #1: Did you know one company will fly you to outer space for $40 million?
Employee #2: I would never do that. I’d shit myself.
Employee #1: I shit myself even going to Queens!
–Broad & Beaver
I’m a Little Fuzzy on the Late Nineties
Woman: Well, it turns out that I was married a second time.
Man: Turns out to be? Like this was a surprise to you?
–Church & Liberty
