Archive for the ‘Lower Manhattan’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Aren’t That Kind Of Street­walk­er

Po­lice of­fi­cer to taxi dri­ver: If you just hit one, the rest will scat­ter.

–Her­ald Square

Guy to girl, push­ing her in­to the street: An­na ver­sus car, who will win?

–E Hous­ton & Ave D

Over­heard by: ha­ha

Tourist to New York­er: You’re not sup­posed to jay­walk!

–Her­ald Square

Chick to an­oth­er: We did­n’t get hit by a car… Oh well, maybe next time.

–7th & 23rd

Over­heard by: Stormy

Guy with stroller to pass­ing car: You hit my ba­by, I’ll take your car!

–Ford­ham & Hoff­man

Over­heard by: sromeo

Cross­ing guard, watch­ing pedes­tri­an cross in a hur­ry: My mon­ey’s on the bus!

–Low­er Man­hat­tan

Over­heard by: Steve

At Least Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Can Cook

Drunk col­lege girl: I don’t mean to have sex with ug­ly guys but more of­ten than not…

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Lo

Thug­gish dude on cell: … You want to look in the mir­ror and be like ewww, while every­one else looks at you and is like, ooh, you know what I’m say­ing? When I wake up in the morn­ing and I look in the mir­ror I think to my­self shit, I am one ug­ly moth­er­fuck­er, how the hell do I get so many bitch­es?

–7 Train

Over­heard by: An­drea

Dumpy man wait­ing on line: I did­n’t know court was a beau­ty con­test for ug­ly women.

–Down­town NYC Cour­t­house

Man fight­ing with ran­dom woman on train: You’re as ug­ly as the tip of my dick!

–4 Train

Over­heard by: Mar­lon B

Teenage girl to group of friends: Oh! Did I tell you *Jes­si­ca had her ba­by? Yeah, that shit ain’t ug­ly.

–Cob­ble Hill

Loud girl: Omigod I’m soooo pissed! Like, she’s so ug­ly. Much ugli­er than me. And you know on Hal­loween, if I had­n’t been bleed­ing from my vagi­na and puk­ing in a bowl he would have hooked up with me in­stead.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: I was puk­ing in a bowl when I heard this too

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Are Koo Koo

Hobo: Was it right to be kicked out of a house for be­ing an adult with a child mind? You don’t get it, la­dy. There’s a whole house of adults with child minds. What­ev­er. See ya! Would­n’t want to be ya!

–F train

Queer: He to­tal­ly has to un­der­stand that he’s crazy and that those Martha Stew­art peo­ple are crazy too!

–27th street of­fice

Crazy la­dy: Well, I think you should give me my mu­si­cal in­stru­ments back be­cause I know that you’ve been steal­ing them every day for the last nine years. Yes, I’m sure! I have proof. You see, that’s not mu­sic. That’s not rock and roll. That’s just crazy.

–Bed­ford Av­enue sta­tion

Over­heard by: Greg Rut­ter

Crazy man: I al­ready told you I don’t have no chick­en. Be­sides, I gave you that tree last week.

–54th & 11th

Crazy woman: I’ve got demons be­hind me, shit next to me, and the ug­ly ones in front of me. I need an an­gel above me.

–World Fi­nan­cial Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Dr. Bal­lon

Crazy bag la­dy: Stay away from the peo­ple! Stay away from the id­iot Mex­i­cans!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Kaitlen

Suit: …and I swear to God, man, the whole time? That creepy deaf-mute babysit­ter from across the hall?…is watch­ing me.

–46th & 8th

Over­heard by: ballpeen ham­mer

Crazy la­dy: I don’t be­lieve this. Pussyass son of a fuck­ing fag­got!

–Lex­ing­ton & 23rd

Hobo: Would some­one please tell Court­ney Love to get her god­damned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would some­one please tell Court­ney Love to get her god­damned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would some­one please tell Court­ney Love to get her god­damned dick out of my mouth? Thank you!

–19th be­tween 7th & 8th

No, Se­ri­ous­ly — Let’s Hit It

Old Chi­nese la­dy: Ex-see-cus-see me.
Old Chi­nese la­dy: Ex-see-cus-see me!
Gangs­ta: Man, what are you ex­cus­ing me about? Fuck you!
Old Chi­nese la­dy: Fuck me? Ok, take‑a off the pant.

Stair­way in si­lence.

Old Chi­nese la­dy: Ex-see-cus-see me!
Gangs­ta: Sure thing, ma’am. I’m sor­ry.
Chi­nese kid: And that’s why we re­spect our el­ders.

–Canal St sta­tion