Girl: I’ve been with an equal number of men and women, and let me tell you: more men ask for a couple fingers up their ass than women.
Guy: Oh yeah, a little prostate massage.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: CityRag
Archive for the ‘Madison Square Garden’ Category
Scrooge McDuck’s Wednesday One-Liners
Fashionista to another: It didn’t taste that good, but I really needed the money.
–Madison Ave
Overheard by: John Galt Jr.
Fashion student: The thing I can’t stand about fine arts is how obsessed with money it’s become… Yeah, so I’m leaving the program to study advertising.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: nova scotia
Security guard to another: I ain’t here for the money. I’m here for the fuckin’ prestige.
–Westminster Dog Show, Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Amber Star
White chick on cell: Hi, honey! How are you? Are you being tickled by coins? Are you being tickled by coins?!
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: mela
Guy on corner: Can you spare any change or frequent flyer miles?
–14th & 6th
Overheard by: Scientific
Frumpy lady to Joey Ramone lookalike: I’m feeling awfully constipated, baby! Constipated with money is the way I like to be!
–3rd Ave, Bay Ridge
Wednesday One-Liners: Straight, Not Narrow
White woman to friend: Wow, this is a great place to meet straight people!
–Madison Square Garden
Dude to female passenger: If I was straight, I’d be hitting that, but I’m not straight, so I won’t be hitting that.
–Downtown A Train
Overheard by: Maggie
Yelling blonde: What’s my type? He should be straight, that’s my type.
–68th & Columbus
Amateur philosopher: If I wasn’t straight, I’d totally be gay.
–Edward R. Murrow High School, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Headaches
Teen girl to friend: They’re not gay! They’re just old!
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Peter
What Would Anti-Semites Do without Wednesday One-Liners?
Modern orthodox girl: … And I was like, ‘Why should I be considerate? He doesn’t even keep kosher!’
–Barnard College
Overheard by: Considerate of non-shellfish eaters and shellfish eaters alike
Guy on cell: Well, I’m only Jewish by injection…
–82nd & Madison
Overheard by: I’m only Catholic because I took a pill…
Woman: I think I’m just too Jewish for yoga.
–Park Slope
20-ish girl on cell: I mean, Jesus Christ! The Jews in the RV just won’t leave me alone!
–St. Mark’s & Ave B
Overheard by: Also accosted by the mitzvah tank
Man on cell: How did I pull off that deal? I’m a Jew, and that means I have powers over money that a dumb goyim like you can only dream of. It’s like Jewish superhero powers. Just call me ‘Super Jew.’
–Near Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Lesbian Whisperer
Little boy: Uhhh, half New Yorkish and, uhhh, half Jewish — is that what I am, Mom? Half New Yorkish and half Jewish?
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Rosie
I Know a Great Heroin-Addict Nun I Could Set Him Up With
Girl: We just came here and talked about each other’s families. He has a brother with a gambling problem.
Guy: Alright! The good stuff!
Girl: Yeah, his brother used to be a trappist, but now he has a serious gambling problem.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Kira
Here’s One for the Dorks
A fanboy brings up a mini-bust to the register.
Fanboy: Is this the last one?
Comic book guy: Mxyzptlk*? Yeah, I think so.
Fanboy: Bat-mite too?
Comic book guy: We might have more in the warehouse, but not here.
Fanboy: I’ll take them.
Comic book guy: We don’t charge extra for the dust.
–Cosmic Comics, E. 23rd St.
*Although he should have known better, he pronounced it Mixle-plick instead of the correct Mix-yez-pittle-ick.
Wednesday One-Liners Are Beautiful, Dammit!
Man to woman on lunch date: Pussy makes the world go round. When you’re 85, dyin’, you don’t want to regret it if you never got to stick your head up there, or whatever. You wanna die sated.
–Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Christine
Man, as two women approach: Vagiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiina, vagiiiiiiiiiiiiiinaaaaaaa!
–Washington Square
Overheard by: Joe
Hipster on cell: I don’t even know you! I do not want to see your vagina.
–Park Ave & 22nd St
Overheard by: Sophia
Suit on cell: I’m gonna cut off her cunt and make her wear it as a hat!
–Times Square
Teenager to friend: That girl has a Stargate vagina. You put it in and, bam, a kid pops out!
–Catherine St & Madison St
Girl at speed dating event: …like my vagina!
–Watering Hole, E 19th St
Who Doesn’t Love a Jazzhandjob?
Woman: You mean you didn’t like having sex with her?
Man: Well, I mean, she was just too… jazzy afterwards.
Woman: Oh, I know. Don’t worry, that’s just how she is. I thought it was weird at first, too.
Man: Excuse me, when did you start fucking my girlfriends, you little whore?!
–Madison Square Garden
Just Imagine If the Sprinklers Shot Milk!
Girl: Why are there sprinkler systems on the sides of the buildings?
Guy: That’s what helps the buildings grow big and tall!
–Madison Square
Overheard by: I knew it
…Are Those Two Guys Stabbing Each Other with Nerf Weapons?
Girl: There’s police over there! It must be a crime scene!
Guy: Gang violence is so boring these days…
–Madison Square
