Archive for the ‘Makeup’ Category

“Don’t Hate Me Be­cause I’m Wednes­day One-Lin­er”

Hobo to fe­male passer­by (singing): Pret­ty woman, walk­ing down the street/Pretty woman, eat­ing a ham­burg­er…

–Wendy’s, Union Square

Over­heard by: Hun­gry By­stander

Sales­girl to an­oth­er: You look pret­ty today…for a lit­tle Fil­ipino girl.

–Amer­i­can Ea­gle, So­Ho

Over­heard by: Hol­ly

Loud hobo walk­ing through crowd­ed train: Lots of beau­ti­ful ladies on this train. Beau­ti­ful white ladies. Beau­ti­ful black ladies. I like her hat. (turns to one shy-look­ing girl) Do you wear make­up? You should­n’t. You don’t need it, you are so beau­ti­ful. If you have any make­up, just throw it away. Or send it to my girl, cuz she is ug­ly.

–Down­town 4 Train

50-some­thing woman to pret­ty 20-some­thing girl: I just want­ed you to know that our hus­bands over there think you are one of the most beau­ti­ful girls they have ever seen. So now our hus­bands are go­ing to have sex with my friend and I tonight. They may be think­ing of you dur­ing, but thanks to you I am go­ing to have an or­gasm tonight, so thank you for be­ing so gor­geous.

–Boat Basin Cafe

Over­heard by: Megan W.

Guy on iPhone: You think be­cause you’re pret­ty you can get away with that shit. Well, you’re wrong! You can get away with that shit be­cause you’re rich!

–Du­ane Reade, Colum­bus Ave

Over­heard by: Veron­i­ca at

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are So Hot Right Now

Big mus­cu­lar man on cell: It’s so damn hot, I’m glad I’m not wear­ing make­up.

–Out­side Tribeca Deli

Over­heard by: Akiko

Con­duc­tor: This is 42nd Street, Times Square. Num­ber 3 train across the plat­form. Get it while it’s hot!

–Down­town 1 Train

El­der­ly black woman to no one in par­tic­u­lar: It’s so hot my pussy is melt­ing!

–12th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: lem­chek

En­thu­si­as­tic girl: As soon as I saw his name in lights! His name is so hot! So I have to mar­ry him!

–Thomp­son & W 3rd St

Guy: I’m telling ya that it was so damn hot in there that my balls rolled out from un­der my tow­el and fell on the floor… like they was try­ing to es­cape or some­thing.


Dude to friend: I wan­na say she’s hot… But I mean she looks like the type of girl who ac­cepts Dis­cov­er.

–The Vil­lage

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Will Do Every­thing but the Biki­ni Wax

Queer: I just want to work on my arms. I don’t need to both­er with abs — I’ll just spray them on.

–New York Sports Club, 23rd St

La­dy in el­e­va­tor to grand­ma with walk­er: That M.A.C Stuff is like spack­le! It stays on for hours!


Over­heard by: nuck

Co­lum­bia co-ed: I al­ways put on make­up when I’m drunk. It’s such a bad idea!

–114th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: tired of Morn­ing­side Heights

Young girl: Mom, can I get my So­cial Stud­ies teacher a gift? I’­ma get her some lo­tion, ’cause she mad ashy! Yo, I ain’t even lyin’. I ain’t even lyin’…

–Stein­way St, As­to­ria

Ghet­to chick hang­ing up cell an­gri­ly: Great! He gone messed up my day! Now I’m def­i­nite­ly get­ting my hair and nails did!

–Wendy’s, 34th & 8th

Over­heard by: Je­sus Jon

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Want to Be­lieve

Five-year-old girl in fun­ny voice: I don’t wear eye­shad­ow. I am an alien. I am al­lowed to be weird.

–Down­town 6 Train, Union Square

Over­heard by: Adam Nathan

Brunette: So, wait. Are they sci­en­tists or large-head­ed aliens?


Over­heard by: La­dle

Hobo: You may not know this, but I am from an­oth­er plan­et. I am al­so re­cruit­ing souls for my army in the un­der­world. We are four hun­dred thou­sand bil­lion strong. Every­body bet­ter watch out!

–1 Train

Geeky guy to an­oth­er: Have you seen the plan­et he’s from? God­damn!

–N Train

Girl to friend (an­i­mat­ed, with hand ges­tures): I mean, you could ac­tu­al­ly *see* E.T.‘s birth…

–5th Ave & 14th St

Guy, very sure of him­self: I would much rather hunt aliens than ghosts, at least that makes sense.


Over­heard by: jes­si pfeufer

Re­mem­ber That Oath Your Kinder­garten Class Took at Bloom­ing­dale’s

Pre­co­cious lit­tle girl: Mom, that la­dy is groom­ing the dog groomer!
Pre­ten­tious mom: That makes sense. Do you see how some of the dog show women dress them­selves? Would you want to be caught dead in some of their clothes and make­up?
Pre­co­cious lit­tle girl: No.

–West­min­ster Dog Show Groom­ing Area

Over­heard by: Would­n’t Be Caught Dead Ei­ther

…That Dri­ve Pink Con­verta­bles and Have the Gen­i­talia of a Eu­nuch!

20-some­thing girl: I don’t be­lieve in foun­da­tion make­up.
50-some­thing woman: Re­al­ly?
20-some­thing girl: I used to wear it a long time ago, when I was younger, but it makes you look so fake, like a doll…which is stu­pid be­cause we’re peo­ple!

–Madi­son Square Park

Head­line by: Skip­per

· “…And That’s When I Dropped Out Of Clown School.” — Dan­ny the Mullins
· “Bar­bi­e’s In­fil­tra­tion Plan Is Work­ing” — Na­tal­ie
· “Be­sides, The Tips at the Car­ni­val Were To­tal­ly Not Cut­ting It” — Dave
· “Brit­ney Tries Her Hand at Phi­los­o­phy” — Fres­ca P.
· “Ex­cerpts from the Hu­man Tis­sue-Sil­i­cone Ra­tio De­bate” — ty
· “I Al­so Refuse Para­chutes; I Ain’t No Bird!” — Jeff
· “Max Fac­tor Is…People!” — Chris

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Van­i­ty, Thy Name Is Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Girl to guy: And I was like, “He bleach­es his ass­hole, what does he know about anato­my?”

–Pratt In­sti­tute, Brook­lyn

Sev­en-year-old girl to boy throw­ing mud at her: Watch it, Jakob! I wore eye­lin­er to­day!

–Fort Greene Park, Brook­lyn

Very large woman on cell: It’s called “Brazil­ian wax job.” You on­ly have to do it like every two weeks. Yep, it itch­es for a day or two, but it’s worth every pen­ny.


Over­heard by: Corey

Young la­dy with long curly hair to girl­friend: So, I start­ed dry­ing my hair with pa­per tow­els re­cent­ly.

–Mon­tague St, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: E‑Man>Master of the UNI­VERSE!

Out­raged fem­i­nine gay guy to an­oth­er: He’s hav­ing his lips re­done… again!

–8th Ave & 20th St, Chelsea

Over­heard by: Evan

Woman on cell: Girl, I don’t un­der­stand why you got­ta put on all that make­up just to go for a colonic!

–Wash­ing­ton Heights