Archive for the ‘Malls’ Category

Mir­ra Mir­ra on Da Wall/ Who’s Most Ign’ant in Da Mall?

Male black teen #1: You sound ign’ant.
Male black teen #2: I ain’t ign’ant, you ign’ant!
Male black teen #1: You said “trues­ful­ly” and there ain’t no “s’s” in “tru­ful­ly.“
Male black teen #2: I did­n’t say “trues­ful­ly,” I know there ain’t no “s’s” in “tru­ful­ly.”

–Stat­en Is­land Mall

Over­heard by: NewYork­Law

Night-Night, Wednes­day-One-Lin­er Tight!

20-some­thing girl: I mean, I can al­ways sleep on top of him.

–Straw­ber­ry’s, Queens Cen­tre Mall

Over­heard by: i like that op­tion…

Man to friend: I keep hav­ing dreams about be­ing with oth­er women, and I’ve nev­er had them be­fore. I think it must be the time of year or some­thing.

–Hud­son Riv­er Park

Girl on cell: Well, he slipped me Ec­sta­sy while I was sleep­ing…

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Guy on cell: That’s awe­some! (pause) That’s awe­some! (pause) Dude, that’s like re­verse Sleep­away Camp!

–27th & 2nd

Over­heard by: liz

Nurse: I just want to stop hav­ing dreams of him say­ing “pap-smear pap-smear pap-smear…”

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: p y l

If the Wednes­day Fits, One-Lin­er It

Young thug to friends: Stop, stop, stop! Stop, se­ri­ous­ly, stop. C’­mon, I’m not kid­ding! Se­ri­ous­ly. I have shoe pho­bia!

–Metro-North Rail

Guy with shoe in hand, catch­ing up to woman who lost it: Here you go, Cin­derel­la!

–Man­hat­tan Mall

Over­heard by: thorn

Man­ag­er of ladies’ shoe store: It’s easy to close. You put the hook­er boots–all this hoochie stuff, with the hook­er boots, you put the flats with the flats, you put the day shoes with the day shoes. Now, Nar­nia over there is an­oth­er sto­ry…

–Ma­cy’s

Over­heard by: Sarah R

Chick to guy: If you buy me Jim­my Choos, I’ll have your ba­by.

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Lets hope she’ll have the ba­by any­way…

Four-year-old girl step­ping out of taxi: Mom­my, can we go on­line to buy shoes to­day?

–Up­per West Side

Over­heard by: …wow.

What About This Coin with the Chick and the Ba­by in the Sling?

Thug, hand­ing coin to deal­er: Yo, man, check this out. You ever see some­thing like that? What’s it worth?
Black sales­man: This is an Eisen­how­er dol­lar, from the bi­cen­ten­ni­al. They’re not re­al­ly worth more than a dol­lar. You can spend it, or save it as a sou­venir.
Thug: Damn, man, I went through a lot of trou­ble to get this. My grand­moth­er left it to me when she died. You sure it ain’t valu­able?
Black sales­man: I’m afraid not.
Thug: Some­body of­fered me $100 for this shit.
Black sales­man: Then I rec­om­mend you go back to that per­son and sell it to him. It was a great of­fer.
Thug: Sheeeeeeit. (leaves)
Black sales­man, mut­ter­ing to him­self: Stu­pid-ass nig­ga.

–Ful­ton Street Mall

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

Bowl­ing for Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Drunk thug, re­flect­ing on his ba­by-ma­ma’s new man: I love moth­er­fuckin’ guns, and that’s the bot­tom line, but I don’t wan­na go to jail.

–Bar, Corte­ly­ou Road

Boy to limp­ing blonde strug­gling to keep up: Oh my god, if you were a horse I would shoot you.

–NJ Tran­sit

Over­heard by: The Game

Fa­ther to two small chil­dren, pulling them away from the reg­is­ter: C’­mon, guys. Let’s go be­fore mom­my shoots her­self.

–For­bid­den Plan­et, 13th & Broad­way

Loud black girl: It’s Man­hat­tan, I don’t have to wor­ry about get­ting shot.

–NYU

Guy on cell: Hey man, aren’t you tired of be­ing shot?

–Queens Cen­ter Mall

Wednes­day Keeps Pop­ping Out One-Lin­ers

Drunk woman to an­oth­er: Well, I will see your di­vorce and raise you an il­le­git­i­mate preg­nan­cy!

–Court St & At­lantic Av­enue, Brook­lyn

Girl to su­per skin­ny girl: You look preg­nant, I think I have a clothes hang­er in my lock­er. You wan­na come up and check with me?

–1st Ave & 3rd St

Dad hold­ing ba­by to wife with an­oth­er kid in stroller: Some­body’s about to get preg­nant up in here… It’ll be like Mau­ry Povich.

–Down­town 1 Train

Over­heard by: NOT the fa­ther

Dude on bus to child: See, women, they get to grow peo­ple. And in ex­change, we get to pee stand­ing up.

–Q64 Bus

Over­heard by: a peo­ple-grow­er

Girl to friend: You al­ways seem to get preg­nant at the worst times.

–Queens Cen­ter Mall

Over­heard by: Jenn

Girl to friend: I’m feel­ing fer­tile. Who’s go­ing to tend to that feel­ing for me?

–2 Train

Lati­no guy to friends: That’s what my name means in Por­tuguese, “preg­nan­cy test pos­i­tive.”

–84th Dri­ve, Queens

Don’t Get Mad. Get Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Suit: It’s at the point now it does­n’t mat­ter too much if my wife gets mad, it’s the nan­ny I can’t up­set. (oth­er men laugh and agree)

–Up­town A Train

Fe­male em­ploy­ee: I do not want to go to anger man­age­ment for a third time.

–115th & 5th

Over­heard by: Tara

Girl to guy: You seem like the kind of per­son that would be mad if they got shot.

–Wild­wood, Park Ave & 18th St

Over­heard by: Sean

Mom to three-year-old son: You mad? You mad? Well, you know what “mad” is spelled back­wards, right? “D‑a-m.” Ain’t noth­in’ you can do about that.

–St. Nicholas Ave & 127th St

Over­heard by: stel­la ho

Thug: She’s just mad ’cause she’s Mex­i­can.

–Stat­en Is­land Mall

Over­heard by: Wend­la B.

Host­ess run­ning out of restau­rant: An­gry cou­ple who just left the bar! You for­got your cred­it card!

–The Vil­lage

Over­heard by: DW

Ever Since That Bad Robo-Trip, They’ve Been Ex­tra-Cau­tious with the Phar­ma­ceu­ti­cals

Teen girl #1 (read­ing about Advil): “Take two for mus­cle aches.” Hm, is the stom­ach a mus­cle?
Teen girl #2: It’s not a mus­cle, I think it’s an or­gan.
Teen girl #1: It’s not or­gan, it is so a mus­cle. I’m go­ing to take two.
Teen guy: Yo, just go to Du­ane Reade and get some Pep­to-Bis­mol be­fore you hurt your­self.

–Bay Ter­race Shop­ping Cen­ter

Over­heard by: mets fan