Archive for the ‘Manhattan’ Category

She’s a Ve­g­an — Pass the Cheese­cake

Girl #1: So I was think­ing about milk the oth­er day. Milk comes from cows. And what do cows eat?
Girl #2: Oth­er cows?
Girl #1: No, dum­b­ass! They eat grass! So it stands to rea­son, when you drink milk, you’re ac­tu­al­ly drink­ing liqui­fied grass.
Girl #2: Ugh, gross! I’m so not drink­ing milk any­more.
Girl #1: To­tal­ly, that’s why I drink soy.

–Ve­niero’s, 11th St & 1st Ave

If Paris Hilton Comes In­to Red Lob­ster, We’ll Dis­cuss It

Woman: Where are you from?
Tourist: We’re from Texas! Why, could you hear our ac­cents over there?
Woman: No, it’s be­cause in New York we know that you can’t bring dogs in­to restau­rants.
Tourist: You can’t?
Woman: No, you can’t. We work for the De­part­ment of Pub­lic Health. Con­sid­er this a warn­ing.
Tourist: Oh. I thought it was ok be­cause y’all are ok with Paris Hilton and all.

–Red Lob­ster, Times Square

Over­heard by: Lynne & Craig

Just Get Him Sauced and Toss Him in the Broil­er

Ob­nox­ious white lawyer to his Chi­na doll date: We’ll have un­a­ju. I think un­a­ju is eel from the sea, and un­a­ji is eel from a riv­er.
Ob­nox­ious white lay­w­er to the Japan­ese sushi chef: We’ll have un­a­ju. Is it true that un­a­ju is eel from the sea, and un­a­ji is eel from a riv­er?
Japan­ese sushi chef nods po­lite­ly.
Ob­nox­ious white lawyer to his Chi­na doll date: Did you hear that? Un­a­ju is eel from the sea, and un­a­ji is eel from a riv­er.

–Shimizu, W 51st & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: Asian Amer­i­can cou­ple who had to deal with this all night long

Wow, “Long Is­land” and “Bet­ter” in One Dis­cus­sion

Suit #1: How long have you lived here?
Suit #2: How old are you? Prob­a­bly longer than you have been alive.
Suit #1: Born and raised in New York, huh?
Suit #2: No, a farm in PA. Got the fuck out of there, though. Met a girl from New York–well ac­tu­al­ly, Long Island–married her and moved out here. Thought she had mon­ey. Yeah…fooled the shit out of me.
Suit #3: Ha, you were that close to be­ing bet­ter than all of us.

–Wall & Wa­ter