Archive for the ‘Man’s Best Friend’ Category

Speaking of Which: Drinking out of Toilets? Fabulous.

Chick #1: … I don’t know…
Chick #2: Trust me — he wants it, but he’ll never ask. You do it by surprise, and he’ll, like, cum all over you.
Chick #1: It just seems nasty.
Chick #2: Yeah, it’s nasty — that’s why guys like it! And I guess it feels good. I mean, boy dogs lick their own, right?

–21st St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Manhattman

Who Let the Wednesday One-Liners Out?

Clerk: Man, people stink. That’s why I’m saying, ‘You want a friend, get a dog. Name it Chico. Only thing Chico won’t do for you is open his own can of dog food.’

–Duane Reade

Black guy to friend: Man, what you gotta do is you gotta go down to the dog track and get it poppin’ with those extreme titties!

–Bar, 5th Ave, Park Slope

Happy hobo: I’m in Manhattan! I’m walkin’ down Prince Street! Hey, now I’m crossin’ Sullivan! Uh-oh, time to make a sound like a dog — woof! Woof! Woof!

–Soho

White girl on cell: DMX got in trouble for fighting dogs too? No, of course I didn’t know that. Where the fuck would you get the idea that I know what DMX does with his spare time?

–114th & Broadway

JAP: I never told her the dog licked her vibrator.

–Coffee shop, Union Square

Wednesdiverse Multi-Liners

Soulful black man: Well, think about this. A white man lived in Graceland, a black man lived in Neverland. (nods knowingly)

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Bearsian

Gallery director to intern: So after he was arrested we sent a letter to Henry Gates asking him for money, you know, since we are a multicultural organization.

–Lower East Side Art Gallery

Latina to Latino: Latinos and black people can't be racist. That's, like, just white people.

–Red Hook, Brooklyn

White hobo: When I see a black nigger together with a white nigger, that just confuses the hell outta me.

–Houston & Clinton

Woman: She likes black dogs because she's black, and I like white dogs because I'm white.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Yehuda