Guy: We thought Cecile got the Burberry print ad.
Girl: Yeah, if she got it I was going to manage her career.
Guy: It was up between her and another dog, but I guess she lost.
–Bread Tribeca, Church Street
Overheard by: Jaysen Medhurst
Archive for the ‘Man's Best Friend’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Lack Human Companionship
Large black man to tiny dog with hacking cough: I told you three times already: Calm yo’self!
–Cunningham Park, Queens
Overheard by: HelloClairice
Woman to dog: You’re not paying attention, now are you?
–83rd & Broadway
Woman to her two dogs: Sit down… And don’t steal anything.
–Pet store, Park Slope
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Woman to dog barking at passerby: No, that’s not appropriate.
–70th & Amsterdam
Man to dog: J‑Lo, come here!
–Union Square Dog Run
Overheard by: Buns
Little boy holding a Dachshund: Too many weenies! Too many weenies, Mister Weenie!
–Daschund Day, Washington Square Park
Overheard by: rpk
Toothless man on bike to Shih Tzu: You gotta watch out! Have some human food. Eat at a Chinese restaurant. You a classy dog!
–10th & 6th
Overheard by: CarrieBoo
Wednesday One-Liners Know the Truth About Cats and Dogs
Latino guy: Can I have a baggy dog?
–Roosevelt Ave, Queens
Overheard by: petilipois
Professor: And here this writer will be reading from her first novel Doggy Style, which is probably about taking your dogs out and meeting other people in the city.
–Hunter College, creative writing classroom
Overheard by: Brownsvillegirl
Woman: Excuse me, I have to put my hand up my dog’s ass.
–Columbus & 67th St
Girl: I can never visualize people’s faces. Like my mom. I know she has nice cheekbones, so I try and visualize her cheekbones. But then she just turns into this weird cat.
– Diner, 10th Ave
Woman: Cats are bitches! They think they’re better than you. I hate cats.
–89th St & Broadway
Overheard by: righteous queen
Man, singing to daughter in stroller: 11 puppies, 11 puppies, we’re searching for… 24 puppies!
–Sheridan Square
Overheard by: thaler
Teen girl: Your cat has gotten high before me!
–8th St & 4th Ave
Hipster girl: The kittens got on the stove and turned the gas on. I got home and it was like Fight Club but with kittens. I’ll probably give them away to the ASPCA or to suckers like you.
–L train
Overheard by: Philip
But at Last He’s Got the Motivation to Earn It
Guy with cat fetish: The only way I’d have sex with a dog is if Donald Trump gave me 62 billion dollars.
Guy with Donald Trump fetish: Donald Trump doesn’t have that much money!
–Classroom, Barnard College, 117th & Broadway
Overheard by: hallway passerby
i.e., The Parental Prerequisite
Girl: … so dogs were getting electrocuted and they kept telling people to put boots on their dogs–
Guy: What is with these New Yorkers and their dogs? If you want a creature that badly, have a child!
Girl: You are an idiot.
–110th & Amsterdam
I’m Not Even in Heat
Man running by with dog to teenage girl: Woof!
Teenage girl to friend: He better have been talking to the dog.
–Central Park
I Feel Sorry for the Poor Bitch
Girl: Did you hear about that new dog they’re breeding? It’s called
a pewgle.
Guy: What kinda dog is that?
Girl: Oh, it’s a pug and um…um…a bugle.
–Deli, 53rd & 6th
Overheard by: Janelle F
Speaking of Which: Drinking out of Toilets? Fabulous.
Chick #1: … I don’t know…
Chick #2: Trust me — he wants it, but he’ll never ask. You do it by surprise, and he’ll, like, cum all over you.
Chick #1: It just seems nasty.
Chick #2: Yeah, it’s nasty — that’s why guys like it! And I guess it feels good. I mean, boy dogs lick their own, right?
–21st St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Manhattman
As Is Boston Itself
Hipster #1: Oh look, a Boston Terrier!
Hipster #2: Boston Terriers are so last year…
–Bedford, Williamsburg
I Looked Into The Abyss, and It Shit Itself
Geek: Well, she was dog-sitting and the dog died. The family, I guess, was someplace where they couldn’t get home, so she had to take care of it.
Dude: Take care of it?
Geek: Well, she was in Boston but didn’t have a car and didn’t know what to do with it because she couldn’t carry it, so she put it in a rolling suitcase to take it to the vet. On her way there, some guy saw her struggling with the bag and offered to help her carry it. When they were almost to the vet he asked what was in the bag, and, because I guess she didn’t think she could tell him that there was a dead dog in the bag, she said, ‘Electronics!’ Apparently, he looked at her, looked at the bag, punched her in the face, and ran off with the dog! Can you fucking believe it?! He stole the dead dog!
Quiet friend: … Did she have a black eye?
Dude: I can’t wait to talk to her when we get back to Boston so I can make fun of her! [Later…] I swear to God, if some girl I was fucking got knocked up, I would kill myself. Well, I would kill myself and then I would punch her in the face… Fuck, if she got pregnant, I would tear that baby out with a fork!
–Metro-North, New Haven line
