Archive for the ‘Meatheads’ Category

Where They Make Us Take a Re­fresh­er Course on Eth­nic Stereo­types Bian­nu­al­ly

Mus­cu­lar mook with sweet trib­al tat­too, dri­ving Toy­ota Tun­dra, yelling on cell: Some­one stole my fuck­ing knap­sack! It had my fuck­ing Mer­ril­l’s. My Sper­ry’s. If I see some­one wear­ing Sper­ry’s, I will fuck­ing crush them.
Tajik­istani cab dri­ver: That is the bad kind of Ital­ian. I should know, I live in Bay Ridge.

–53rd & 9th Ave

New York Women Know They’re Beau­ti­ful

Techie in suit: I mean, there are two rea­sons. A: it’s bet­ter.
Meat­head friend: Uh-huh.
Techie: A: it’s warmer.
Meat­head: Uh-huh.
Techie: B: the women there are much more re­cep­tive to thin­ly veiled sug­ges­tion.
Meat­head: Uh…
Techie: What I mean by that is that they have low self es­teem. I do my best work with low self es­teem.

–14th St & 8th Ave Sub­way Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca

WOL­ing Me Soft­ly

Grand­ma to kid: It’s re­al­ly hard to kill peo­ple, you know.

–West Vil­lage

(20-some­thing sits down and stretch­es his arms out in a yawn)
Man sit­ting one seat away: If you touch my leg I’ll kill you.

–1 Train

Mid­dle-aged beef­cake on phone: Oh yeah? Well he’s not try­ing any­more be­cause he’s dead.

–42nd & Lex

Over­heard by: bildita

Suit on cell: He was a great guy, un­til he de­cid­ed to kill some­one.

–Smith & Wol­len­sky

Loud woman on pay­phone (very an­gri­ly): Well what the fuck am I sup­posed to do with her? Mau­soleum? What? What the fuck?

–96th & Madi­son

Over­heard by: grate­ful un­dead

Sev­en-year-old black boy: I’m goin’ to Iraq, to kill Oba­ma!

–125th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: The Drum­mey

Ho­mo Enough to Wan­na Get Railed?

Meat­head to friend: Yo, you ever ride the mono­rail from here? It goes from Ja­maica to da air­ports, it’s a pret­ty cool trip just to see. We should take it quick, you wan­na?
Friend: Yo, bro, we’re on a train, you want me to de­tour all the way to JFK so you can ride the fuck­ing mono­rail? Yo, how ho­mo are you?

–LIRR

Over­heard by: rick