Archive for the ‘Medicine’ Category

Meds­day One-Lin­ers

Ra­di­ol­o­gy nurse: I have been asked out be­fore. But nev­er while giv­ing a bar­i­um en­e­ma!

–Ra­di­ol­o­gy Med­ical Of­fice, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Pa­per

Doc­tor on cell: I have to get ori­ent­ed as to the lo­ca­tion of those ca­dav­ers!

–3rd Ave, Near Cabri­ni Med­ical Cen­ter

Old­er doc­tor to younger doc­tor in a group: You ac­tu­al­ly tried to get a der­ma­tol­ogy con­sul­tant to come in the mid­dle of the night? That was pret­ty dumb. You know those guys would­n’t get out of their Shea but­ter body wraps un­less the world was end­ing.

–Kings Coun­ty Emer­gency Room

Suit to la­dy friend: If you re­al­ly want­ed to smoke crack you’d go to the hos­pi­tal!

–Nas­sau St & Ann St

Over­weight girl to fe­male friend: Wan­na play gy­ne­col­o­gist?

–St. Mark’s Place

Over­heard by: Sarah Booz

Some­one Get Him a Man­pon, STAT!

Woman, 40s: …so I was like, no man can get away with that! I won’t let him get away with that! So I de­cid­ed to leave him. I took my clothes, my jew­el­ry, and my mon­ey, I did­n’t need no more than that…are you lis­ten­ing to me? So I packed my bags, took my jew­el­ry, his jew­el­ry, my mon­ey, his mon­ey, and left $5 on the dresser–leave him broke, right? And then be­fore I left, he was sleep­ing? And you know, the mus­cle still works even when he’s sleep­ing (there’s kids around but y’all know what mus­cle I’m talk­ing about). So I did what I had to do, right, and then I took the su­per­glue and stuck it right to his stom­ach. I glued that shit down. I rubbed it all over his hair down there, too. Got him good. Neigh­bors told me he had to go to the hos­pi­tal, get that shit sur­gi­cal­ly re­moved.

–4 train

Over­heard by: An­na

And Who Are You?

Col­lege stu­dent #1, with Brook­lyn meets Boston mys­tery ac­cent: My un­cle is a doc­tor. Well, he’s like a doc­tor. I mean he works in a hos­pi­tal, but you know, once you work in a hos­pi­tal for 15 years you might as well be a doc­tor cause you know it all by then, any­way. Well, he says that food co­mas are re­al. Yeah, you know, it’s like the cyanide in the turkey or some­thing.
Col­lege stu­dent #2: I have no idea what you are talk­ing about.

–LIRR

Over­heard by: Dara

Wednes­day Ac­ci­den­tal­ly Leaves a Sponge in the One-Lin­er

Woman: I told him I was­n’t op­posed to din­ner just be­cause he’s had a va­sec­to­my.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Meis­ter

Prep­py guy: They took car­ti­lage out of his ear and put it in my nose.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: La­dle

UES woman: I’m go­ing to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.

–89th and Park

Over­heard by: AeC and jRw

Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it re­moved
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.

–El­e­va­tor in the Hud­son Ho­tel

Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay — it’s just rou­tine anal surgery!

–As­tor Place

Over­heard by: Tam