Archive for the ‘Medicine’ Category

Some­one Get Him a Man­pon, STAT!

Woman, 40s: …so I was like, no man can get away with that! I won’t let him get away with that! So I de­cid­ed to leave him. I took my clothes, my jew­el­ry, and my mon­ey, I did­n’t need no more than that…are you lis­ten­ing to me? So I packed my bags, took my jew­el­ry, his jew­el­ry, my mon­ey, his mon­ey, and left $5 on the dresser–leave him broke, right? And then be­fore I left, he was sleep­ing? And you know, the mus­cle still works even when he’s sleep­ing (there’s kids around but y’all know what mus­cle I’m talk­ing about). So I did what I had to do, right, and then I took the su­per­glue and stuck it right to his stom­ach. I glued that shit down. I rubbed it all over his hair down there, too. Got him good. Neigh­bors told me he had to go to the hos­pi­tal, get that shit sur­gi­cal­ly re­moved.

–4 train

Over­heard by: An­na

And Who Are You?

Col­lege stu­dent #1, with Brook­lyn meets Boston mys­tery ac­cent: My un­cle is a doc­tor. Well, he’s like a doc­tor. I mean he works in a hos­pi­tal, but you know, once you work in a hos­pi­tal for 15 years you might as well be a doc­tor cause you know it all by then, any­way. Well, he says that food co­mas are re­al. Yeah, you know, it’s like the cyanide in the turkey or some­thing.
Col­lege stu­dent #2: I have no idea what you are talk­ing about.

–LIRR

Over­heard by: Dara

Wednes­day Ac­ci­den­tal­ly Leaves a Sponge in the One-Lin­er

Woman: I told him I was­n’t op­posed to din­ner just be­cause he’s had a va­sec­to­my.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Meis­ter

Prep­py guy: They took car­ti­lage out of his ear and put it in my nose.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: La­dle

UES woman: I’m go­ing to get my nails done, then get a colonoscopy in Queens.

–89th and Park

Over­heard by: AeC and jRw

Woman on phone: Well, of course I got it re­moved
*(pause)
Woman: It hurt like hell.

–El­e­va­tor in the Hud­son Ho­tel

Guy on phone, Nnoz done: Hts okay — it’s just rou­tine anal surgery!

–As­tor Place

Over­heard by: Tam

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Have to Get an In­ter­ven­tion

Woman: Oh! I got you some Xanax for your wed­ding day.

–14th & 9th

Guy: I don’t call my­self an al­co­holic any more. I find it re­al­ly hard to sep­a­rate out my shit like that.

–Wash­ing­ton Square South

Woman: I think I’m just go­ing to stay in and have a hero­in night.

–11th & Uni­ver­si­ty