Archive for the ‘Medicine’ Category

Whole Graveyards Full Of Them

Girl on cell: Yeah, so after I get the surgery, I’m not going to be able to drink or eat for, like, three months.
Friend, on speakerphone: Oh, man, that’s rough. Is there, like, a special diet you go on for that?
Girl on cell: I don’t know — I should look online. I’m sure plenty of people have done it before.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Katrina

In Spanish, This Is a Two-Hour Conversation

(in Spanish)
Hispanic woman #1: Girl, I couldn't pee all day. I just peed before we left the office, that's it.
Hispanic woman #2: You gotta go to the doctor for that, you know. Could be bad.
Hispanic woman #3: I peed so much today… I just couldn't stop! It just went on and on for so long. I peed so much I felt something break, you know?
Hispanic woman #1: Girl!

–39th & 8th

You Just Need Some Deep Wednesday One-Linerin'

Blonde girl: I can't believe he pulled his dick out. Except not really. Except kind of. Except I kind of had to put it back in.

–W 34th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: innocent bystander

Crazy hobo, to himself: Geritol. Yup, that's what she needs. That woman just likes some dick. And there ain't nothin wrong with that. Nothin wrong with a woman likin a long hard dick. Women like dick. Ain't nothing wrong with that. She's gonna get some Geritol all right. Cause see, you got to get it up in the crevices. Work it in with a little Bengay.

–Men's Bathroom, Penn Station

Overheard by: Phil

Salvadoran guy, discussing use of the word "faggot": They can take a dick up their ass, they can take a fucking joke.

–Lawton St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Eric Frazier

Black guy: Man, I can't wear tight pants because I have a big dick! My dick needs to breathe! (holds himself)

–Penn Station

Female Central Park crossing guard: Das cuz da dick was great!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Robert H

Wednesday Will Go Nazarene on Your One-Liners

Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass.

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Emily B.

40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there?

–Starbucks

Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior.

–Queens College

Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along.

–22nd St & Park Ave

Overheard by: Rachel Peters

Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow!

–B44 Bus

Overheard by: Micah

Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Smudge