Drunk white woman: Congratulations on making history!
Sober black man: Um…what?
Drunk white woman: Yeah! I voted for Obama too!
–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Julzz
Archive for the ‘Men’ Category
If I Said You Were Black Like Aunt Jemima, Would You Find That Offensive?
Large man: Girl… You is white.
Pale girl: No, I'm not.
Large man: No. You is white. Like Shirley Temple or Betty Crocker, or somethin.
–D Train
Overheard by: Tiffany Schleigh
…Like, One That Makes You Thin?
Woman: And she's dying from some disease.
Man: Well, is it a good disease?
–57th & 7th
Overheard by: ian
Non-Recyclable Wednesday One-Liners
Conductor: Please throw away your newspapers and garbage in the trash cans on station platforms and know that the trash cans can only hold two human bodies at a time.
–LIRR
New York Post guy: New York Post! Free New York Post! (hands huge stack of papers to passerby) Thanks, brother. Just throw the rest in the trash can down the block.
–40th & 6th
Carriage driver to horse: You see that chestnut? That's called "Eurotrash."
–Central Park South
Overheard by: Andy
Giant old man to screaming and jumping children: You look like Garbage Pail Kids. Stop it.
–Madison & Nostrand, Brooklyn
Overheard by: g
Conductor: Please place anyone who has become garbage en route in the appropriate receptacle.
–R Train
Overheard by: Jess
Woman walking down the street with a small bag of garbage: Fuck it. (drops bag of garbage nonchalantly, keeps walking)
–W 19th
We Can Spot Fake Wednesday One-Liners a Mile Away
Exasperated woman on phone: It's a phone interview! What does it matter what type of boobs I have?
–Office Building, 32nd & 7th
Overheard by: erkala
Girl, after guy accidentally hit her boob: Ow! You should be squeezing them, not hitting them!
–Toys R' Us, Times Square
Overheard by: Lotte
Upper West Side girl to friend: I hate that my boobs are so big! It completely ruins that skirt for me.
–Canal Street
Hobo: But I don't want to love my breasts!
–Ave B
Man on cell: So you're coming to New York? That's good. I called your mother, she said you're staying with some girl with big tits tonight.
–West 4th Street
Guy to another, while at lunch: I don't care if you think I live too fast and I'll be dead at 45. At least I'll die with a tittie in my mouth!
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: sal b
Go Granddaddy!
Black man: “And he kept on beating up niggers until he was 37!”
— On the Subway
Coincidentally, ‘A Fun Place Where Children Can Learn’ Was What He Called His Van
Girl: Would you be interested in hearing about a fun place where children can learn?
Man: No, I’m not allowed because I’m a registered felon.
Girl: Well, have a nice day!
–outside SCORE! Educational Center, Union Turnpike
Overheard by: Pfeff
If You’re So Smart, Explain the Wax
Buff dude #1: Hey, guy.
Smart guy: What’s up?
Buff dude #1: Can you settle something? Is Portugal in Europe or South America?
Smart guy: Uh, it’s in Europe.
Buff dude #1: See?
Buff dude #2: Okay, okay. But, like, the Portuguese they speak in South America — that’s not the same language as they speak in South America, right?
Smart guy: Actually, it is. Brazil was settled by the Portuguese, and the Spanish got the rest of South America, which is why they speak Spanish in the other countries that aren’t Brazil.
Buff dude #2: Oooh! Look who passed his geography class!
–Exodus Gym, Union & Metropolitan, Williamsburg
Straightlines without Punchlines
Man (to hipstress): You should get a tattoo of Ben Franklin.
–22nd & Park Ave South
Overheard by: Matt Law
Wednesday One-Liners– As Far As You Know
Man on cell, coming out of The Dark Knight: I'm sorry that I couldn't pick up your call, I was in a very important meeting with a client.
–Lowes Movie Theater, 68th & Broadway
Guy on cell walking out of subway entrance: I'm getting on the subway now.
–Park Place & Church Street
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Female suit on cell: Well, I can't talk long, I'm about to get on a plane. Yeah, JFK.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: pop pop
Overweight woman to daughter in pink tutu: You made me come here! Don't lie! Don't lie! Don't lie!
–Ikea, Redhook
Overheard by: Emily B.
Annoying anchor: I'm writing a newscast. I don't have time to check facts.
–CBS News Headquarters, 57th St
Overheard by: The Shadow News Bunny