Archive for the ‘Men’ Category

Dif­fer­ent Strokes for Dif­fer­ent Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Guy say­ing good­bye to la­dy friend: Then I mas­tur­bat­ed, and rubbed this sand­wich all over my­self! (pro­ceeds to rub sub sand­wich over his chest)

–46th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: James

Man to woman push­ing stroller: That guy’s kid beats the meat all day long!

–66th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Wow.

Guy in trench coat: He mas­tur­bat­ed the oth­er day in or­der to ex­pel…

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Amused

Girl: You re­al­ly need good hand-eye co­or­di­na­tion to mas­tur­bate.

–Bard High School, Queens

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Guy on phone: So, even though we’re not to­geth­er any­more, you don’t want me see­ing oth­er peo­ple? (pause) What am I sup­posed to do? (pause) What do I need to use my hand for?

–White Plains Road

Over­heard by: Chad

With This Ring, I Thee Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to mar­ry me and you hes­i­tat­ed. You hes­i­tat­ed!

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Act­ing pro­fes­sor: Act as if you’re fas­ci­nat­ed by what they’re say­ing, while think­ing about some­thing else. That’s what boys learn to do when they get mar­ried.

–NYU

Over­heard by: Lisa

Man, ad­vis­ing an­oth­er flirt­ing with hot woman: You got­ta go for it–unless she’s mar­ried!

–2 Train

Five-year-old boy to an­oth­er: Yeah, well… I’ll let you mar­ry my daugh­ter!

–10th St & Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Ricky

Man to male friend: So ba­si­cal­ly, I took her to a gay bar on our wed­ding night.

–Cen­tral Park

Chick to guy: Are we *se­ri­ous­ly* ar­gu­ing about whether or not aunt Jemi­ma would sup­port gay mar­riage?

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: La­dle

Tell That to Sarah Jes­si­ca Park­er

Dude #1: So I’m to­tal­ly fight­ing with Mark–
Dude #2: You mean phys­i­cal­ly fight­ing, or meta­phys­i­cal­ly fight­ing?
Dude #1: Meta­phys­i­cal­ly. But does it make a dif­fer­ence?
Dude #2: Well, dude, you can’t get punched in the face, meta­phys­i­cal­ly.

–West 3rd & Mer­cer

Over­heard by: Dev Nille

Come on In– The Wednes­day One-Lin­er Is Fine!

20-some­thing chick: Sea cap­tains do­ing ta­ble-ser­vice is nev­er okay.

–A Train

Over­heard by: La­dle

La­dy on Blue­tooth: Well, if you prove to every­one that your vagi­na is as wide as an ocean, then go ahead!

–Brook­lyn

Teenage girl to friend: So, I heard back from the life­guard ap­pli­ca­tion. (paus­es, then ut­ter­ly be­wil­dered) I need to know how to swim!

–Up­town 1 Train

Over­heard by: tothe­world

Loud woman on es­ca­la­tor: No, you don’t get it. When you’re un­der wa­ter, you’re not wet.

–Queens Cen­ter Mall

Over­heard by: Burn­ing Ve­g­an

Mid­dle-aged man watch­ing sev­en-year old swim­ming deft­ly in shal­low end: Oh, yeah? Well, I can dri­ve. Can you? My feet can touch the bot­tom. Can yours?

–CUNY Swim Class

Over­heard by: obyun