Archive for the ‘Men’ Category

Some Half-Baked Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b-o-n-g.

–19th & Broadway

Overheard by: Kyle

Man in light green suit with orange-red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don't smoke that Scooby Doobie Doo. Don't get high tonight!

–125th & Lenox

Overheard by: Plausible

Young hipster: So I said, "Mom, did you smoke with me?"

–Central Park Reservoir

Angry girlfriend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don't want me smoking pot, you don't want me smoking cigarettes or cloves, you don't want me chewing gum and now you don't like lollipops? So tell me, Peter, what can I put in my mouth that's okay with you?

–L Train

Overheard by: It's me, bitches.

Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot dealer, because the stuff you're smoking is really good.

–Cooper Union

Overheard by: me too

Guy talking on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 minutes. (pause) Yeah, I'm serious! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don't you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it until you can't see anymore and then I'll be there. Alright? Bye.

–8th Ave & 27th St

Overheard by: Erica Friedman

Girl: I mean honestly, who at NYU doesn't smell like weed?

–Washington Square Park

Wherever Wednesday One-Liners Go, There They Are

Man on cell: I’m at the bad Duane Reade right now… Yeah, the one on 14th street…I know that’s the good one, but it’s in danger zone.

–Duane Reade, 14th & 3rd

Overheard by: not in danger zone

Girl on cell: I’m in like the Middle East somewhere… Where are you?

–56th & 7th Ave

Overheard by: dnuggets

Hipster on cell: No, I swear to god I am not in Montreal!

–Outside Alligator Lounge, Williamsburg

Overheard by: miles

Lady yelling into pay phone, by platform: I’m in Yonkers! I’m right by the train!

–W 242 & Broadway, Bronx

Overheard by: Krisztina

Harried guy in suit on his cell: Yeah well, I’m at the Port Authority…I hear this is where the buses leave from.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: JoBell

Screaming man on pay phone: Yo -I told yo ass to meet me on 33rd and 5th. I be standin’ here and you ain’t here. [Pause.] What the fuck do you mean!? I be on da corner waiting for yo ass for the past fifty minutes. I only get an hour for lunch. Now you gone and messed up my day cuz yo ass ain’t show up. [Pauses, speaks more calmly.] I’m on da corner of 33rd and 5th. [Screaming again.] Don’t tell me yo ain’t see me! I’m standing right here!

–35th & Madison

Wednesday Go-Down-On-Liners

Wholesome-looking man, walking with several families with kids and carrying a cross: Jesus Christ died for our sins today so that we can all give blowjobs whenever we want!

–Union Square

Girl with food: Do you think I'll get on the JumboTron if I deep throat this pickle?

–MSG: Rangers – Caps Playoff Game

40-something, during high school reunion: How dare you tell my husband I gave you a blowjob? I was a virgin in high school!

–Outside Jake's Dillemma

Women on cell: I told him, if he didn't start shampooing his pubes I would stop blowing him!

–14th St & 9th Ave

Middle-aged Romanian: I heard he gives better BJs than Santa Claus!

–Astoria

Overheard by: Crazy Romanians

Wednesday One-Liners Tend to Ramble On

Old man at the bar: Everyday that I wake up and see that my name isn’t in the obituaries is a good day.

–Cafe des Artistes Bar

Older woman, to friend: Then we’re going to have to do the suntan lotion thing, and that’s going to be a nightmare.

–Grand Central Station

Overheard by: EthanK

Pre-teen boy, to friend: Yo, man, there’s a lot of old people on this train. I bet they’re all wishing they were our age again. Suckers!

–N Train

Overheard by: Hannah

Old lady, to man playing steel drums as she dances along to the music: Shalom! That was awesome, my man!

–1 Train

Overheard by: Courtney Messer

Elderly woman to elderly friends: So then Andy comes down in his bikini, and of course all the old women go crazy…

–56th & 1st Ave

Old lady looking into fancy cafe: Another shithole!

–74th near Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Old lady: Geraldine, do you want to come up later and play… With my wireless router!

–Clark & Herny

Overheard by: Lacy

Six Wednesday One-Liners Under

Girl on phone: Did he actually try to kill you, or is this like the time at the supermarket when you thought the cashier was coming onto you because he touched your hand giving you change?

–Time Square

HR person: I don't want to whack her until I have to. But I probably will.

–Broadway

Little boy to mom: Mommy, what does it feel like to die?

–7th & Carroll, Park Slope

Well-dressed man on cell: I know, we need to make sure that none of them live.

–8th St & Broadway

Seven-year-old girl to mom, after being scolded: I'm going to kill you.

–4 Train

Long Island woman: Well, sure, it's a great place if you want to be raped and murdered every day.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Cori

Wednesday One-Liners Say a Mouthful

Loud woman on cell: I suck your dick and we can't be Facebook friends?

–20th St & 6th Ave

Guy to buddies in the passing Skyfari car: Yo, that building over there… That's the building where I got that $5 blowjob.

–Skyfari, Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Stefan Yonker

Young man, dismissively: I could fucking suck cocks for a living, it doesn't matter!

–St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave

Middle schooler, wrestling in Aids memorial: Ooops, I sucked your dick!

–Hudson River Park

Overheard by: Nina & Phil

Middle-school girl to mother: My e-mail password is "blowjob".

–L Train

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