Archive for the ‘Men’ Category

New York Girls Have Al­ways Swooned for Qua­si­mod­o’s “Iron­ic” Sense Of Style

Her­mit-look­ing man at bak­ery counter: Eu­hh… Yes, I want cake. One will say “Ken­ny’s dead.” No! Wait! One will say “I killed Ken­ny, and I’m not sor­ry!” And the oth­er will say… it will say, “Oba­ma is my home­boy!“
20-some­thing hip­ster girl, star­ing at man: Are you… for re­al?
Her­mit-look­ing man: Yes, sweet­ie.
20-some­thing hip­ster girl: You… you win at life, sir.

–167th & Broad­way

Dif­fer­ent Strokes for Dif­fer­ent Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Guy say­ing good­bye to la­dy friend: Then I mas­tur­bat­ed, and rubbed this sand­wich all over my­self! (pro­ceeds to rub sub sand­wich over his chest)

–46th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: James

Man to woman push­ing stroller: That guy’s kid beats the meat all day long!

–66th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Wow.

Guy in trench coat: He mas­tur­bat­ed the oth­er day in or­der to ex­pel…

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Amused

Girl: You re­al­ly need good hand-eye co­or­di­na­tion to mas­tur­bate.

–Bard High School, Queens

Over­heard by: Sun­ny

Guy on phone: So, even though we’re not to­geth­er any­more, you don’t want me see­ing oth­er peo­ple? (pause) What am I sup­posed to do? (pause) What do I need to use my hand for?

–White Plains Road

Over­heard by: Chad

With This Ring, I Thee Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to mar­ry me and you hes­i­tat­ed. You hes­i­tat­ed!

–Grand Cen­tral Ter­mi­nal

Act­ing pro­fes­sor: Act as if you’re fas­ci­nat­ed by what they’re say­ing, while think­ing about some­thing else. That’s what boys learn to do when they get mar­ried.

–NYU

Over­heard by: Lisa

Man, ad­vis­ing an­oth­er flirt­ing with hot woman: You got­ta go for it–unless she’s mar­ried!

–2 Train

Five-year-old boy to an­oth­er: Yeah, well… I’ll let you mar­ry my daugh­ter!

–10th St & Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Ricky

Man to male friend: So ba­si­cal­ly, I took her to a gay bar on our wed­ding night.

–Cen­tral Park

Chick to guy: Are we *se­ri­ous­ly* ar­gu­ing about whether or not aunt Jemi­ma would sup­port gay mar­riage?

–Park Slope

Over­heard by: La­dle