Archive for the ‘Midwesterners’ Category

Why NY is not Min­neapo­lis

Mid­dle-aged man at the Min­neapo­lis air­port: “When Min­neso­ta first got the lot­to, they had the scratch-off lot­tery cards. I wait­ed on line in a cor­ner store, and the clerk asked me if I want­ed to buy one and I said, ‘No. I do not play the lot­tery.’ The per­son be­hind me, as I was leav­ing, bought a tick­et and won $1,000. The clerk turned to me and said, ‘See, you should have bought a tick­et!’ and I said to her, ‘No, I’m glad I did­n’t. Be­cause I don’t play the lot­tery.’ ”

He’s a Dick Wolf Fa­nat­ic

Tour guide: The school cam­pus has been in many film and tele­vi­sion pro­duc­tions, in­clud­ing The Good Shep­herd, Law and Or­der, and most no­tably the clas­sic Deb­bie Does Dal­las.
Big Mid­west­ern dad: I thought I rec­og­nized that li­brary!

–Pratt In­sti­tute, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: PrattStudent09

What’s That Sup­posed to Mean?

Obese Mid­west­ern tourist: So are we gonna go get that falafel thing?
Oth­er Mid­west­ern tourist: Well, if we’re gonna go to Hoot­ers we don’t need to get the falafel thing.
Obese Mid­west­ern tourist: Why not? I could eat both.
Oth­er Mid­west­ern tourist: Do you know what a falafel thing is?
Obese Mid­west­ern tourist: It’s like ice cream.
Oth­er Mid­west­ern tourist: Oh, re­al­ly? I thought that was gela­to.
Obese Mid­west­ern tourist: No, dum­b­ass.
Oth­er Mid­west­ern tourist: Okay, well I guess you’d know…

–7 Train

Over­heard by: Caitlin

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Here, They’re Queer, They’re Not Go­ing Any­where

Woman: And you are not a les­bian ei­ther! You are on­ly gay on week­ends.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Adam Bozarth

Teen girl: I know Jim­my’s not gay be­cause he stole my girl­friend.

–R train

Preach­er: Mark my words–by sun­rise you will be smoth­ered in les­bians.

–53rd & 5th

Over­heard by: Kaleena

Thought­ful guy: I al­ways thought that if I were gay I’d be the man­li­er one. But now that I think about it I’d want to be the girly one for all the free stuff.

–26th & 1st

Over­heard by: Charles

Guy on cell: Wait…Christ! It’s gay­er than three snaps in Z for­ma­tion in here.

–The Hangar, Christo­pher St

Over­heard by: TK

Mid­west­ern guy: That is com­plete bull­shit! How do you make a dog gay?

–Cen­tu­ry 21

Teen girl: It’s fun­ny talk­ing to him now. I mean, in the eighth grade we knew he was gay, but not take-it-up-the-butt gay.

–Up­town 1 train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Keep Their Eyes Peeled for Movie Stars

Tourist back­pack­er with hands on sub­way doors: Do these open on their own?

–1 Train

Tourist mom to un­cool son: Well, that’s what you get for try­ing to be a hip­ster!

–Union Square Park

Over­heard by: j

Tourist: Holy moly, look at that Olive Gar­den! It’s huge! I wish I lived here!
(takes a pic­ture of the restau­rant)

–Times Square

Obese Mid­west­ern woman to obese Mid­west­ern man: Oooh, Ap­ple­bee’s… Now I feel at home here!

–Times Square

South­ern tourist guy: I thought peo­ple in Green­wich Vil­lage would look stranger.

–Bleeck­er Street

Tourist from west coast, af­ter ob­serv­ing the lo­cals for a few in­nings: You know, Se­in­feld makes so much more sense to me now.

–Cheap Seats, Coney Is­land Cy­clones

Over­heard by: Kevin Eliasen