Middle-aged mid-western woman of a certain age #1, gesturing towards naked man and woman standing in doorway: Do they want us to walk through them?
Middle-aged mid-western woman of a certain age #2: Yes. Yes, I think that’s the point.
Middle-aged mid-western woman of a certain age #1: Well, okay. (pause) But first I’m gonna eat a mint.
–MoMA, Marina Abramovic Exhibit
Overheard by: aaron(b)
Subway announcement: The next l train is now arriving on the Manhattan bound track.
Midwest tweaker, to no one in particular: Boo-yah! Buh-buh-buh boo-yah! (blows snot rocket onto subway tracks) The l train? What the fuck is that?
–Bedford L Train
Overheard by: Ben Graney
Middle-aged man at the Minneapolis airport: “When Minnesota first got the lotto, they had the scratch-off lottery cards. I waited on line in a corner store, and the clerk asked me if I wanted to buy one and I said, ‘No. I do not play the lottery.’ The person behind me, as I was leaving, bought a ticket and won $1,000. The clerk turned to me and said, ‘See, you should have bought a ticket!’ and I said to her, ‘No, I’m glad I didn’t. Because I don’t play the lottery.’ ”
Midwestern child: Daddy, what’s that candle thing?
Midwestern father: It’s called a menorah. They use it on Jewish Christmas.
–Spamalot, Shubert Theatre, W 44th St
Hipster to 50-something tourist who is blocking the way: Hey, lady, where you from?
Woman, proudly: Kansas.
Hipster: Well, Dorothy, this is not Kansas. This is Times Square, New York City, now get the fuck out of the way! (crowd cheers)
–Times Square
Overheard by: G‑man
Tour guide: The school campus has been in many film and television productions, including The Good Shepherd, Law and Order, and most notably the classic Debbie Does Dallas.
Big Midwestern dad: I thought I recognized that library!
–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn
Overheard by: PrattStudent09
Midwestern tourist: Is she Spanish or retarded?
New Yorker: Retarded.
–19th St & 8th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Danny
Midwestern girl: Man, New York stinks! “How was your trip to New York?” “It stinks!”
New York lady: Why don’t you go back to where you came from, then?
–Times Square
Obese Midwestern tourist: So are we gonna go get that falafel thing?
Other Midwestern tourist: Well, if we’re gonna go to Hooters we don’t need to get the falafel thing.
Obese Midwestern tourist: Why not? I could eat both.
Other Midwestern tourist: Do you know what a falafel thing is?
Obese Midwestern tourist: It’s like ice cream.
Other Midwestern tourist: Oh, really? I thought that was gelato.
Obese Midwestern tourist: No, dumbass.
Other Midwestern tourist: Okay, well I guess you’d know…
–7 Train
Overheard by: Caitlin
Mid-western mother to suit crossing against light: Excuse me, sir?
Suit, in mid-intersection: Yes?
Mother: You’re setting a bad example for my daughter ‑crossing against the light.
Suit, continuing on his way: Yes, I am.
–45th & 5th
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist