Archive for the ‘MILF’ Category

Yo Mom­ma So Wednes­day, She One-Lin­ers!

Woman on cell: Oh, and by the way, I called my moth­er to thank her. (pause) No, I said, “Mom, I’m call­ing on be­half of me and the girls to thank you very much.” (longer pause) Well, she can just go fuck her­self then.

–90th & Am­s­ter­dam Ave

Man on cell: You know a guy re­al­ly likes a girl when he takes her home to meet his mom…and you know what, Sheila? You ain’t nev­er gonna meet my mom.

–South Slope, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: smfd

Fe­male col­lege stu­dent to friend: We re­al­ly need to cougarize your mom.

–111th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Oh re­al­ly

Guy: So, hey, my mom did­n’t die to­day.

–W 26th & 8th

Over­heard by: Katie_AK

Girl sneak­ing in­to open con­duc­tor’s room in front of the train: Next stop, your moth­er’s ass­hole! Stand clear of the clos­ing cheeks!

–6 Train

Over­heard by: Adri­ana

Hand­bag sell­er on street cor­ner: Yo! Tell yo ma­ma I got her bag right here!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Taryn

Girl on cell: Yeah, I’m bussin’ it for now, my mom’s on this thing that I have to show her re­spon­si­bil­i­ty… I know, it’s like I get up in the morn­ing, I haven’t got­ten ar­rest­ed in a while, and I have a job, what more do you want from me?

–Seguine Ave & Wa­ter­bury, Stat­en Is­land

Die, Wednes­day-One-Lin­er Scum!

Male yup­pie to fe­male yup­pie: So mil­fs are to­tal­ly in right now.

–Star­bucks

Over­heard by: Loli­ta

20-some­thing male yup­pie, sur­round­ed with Star­bucks cof­fee con­tain­ers and yelling at lap­top: It took you six fuck­ing min­utes to get to the fuck­ing page! Rawwwr! I’m go­ing to rip you apart, you stu­pid fuck­ing com­put­er! Rawwr!

–Star­bucks

Yup­pie-hip­ster mom, to sob­bing tod­dler: Yeah, I know, your life is just so tough.

–Metro-North

Over­heard by: It’s be­cause those hemp di­a­pers you make her wear chafe like hell.

Yup­pie woman: This is like the Third World!

–8th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Sam Chalek

Men Cast Off Women Like Emp­ty Seed Pods

Girl: So how’s your cougar?
Guy: She’s good.
Girl: What is she, 50?
Guy: 52.
Girl: And you’re…32?
Guy: 34.
Girl: She ever been mar­ried?
Guy: Di­vorced. That’s how I got right in there.
Girl: So is this, like, some­thing se­ri­ous? Like a for­ev­er thing?
Guy: No! I mean, I want kids, and she keeps get­ting these heat flash­es. You know?

–L Train

Duck I’d Like To Fry?

Hot gay gin­ger: Ooh! Look at how yum­my these grapes look!
Cute half-Asian: Not as yum­my as that dilf out­side…

–Dean & Delu­ca

Over­heard by: reid r.

Head­line by: Myr­tle Willough­by

Run­ners-Up:
· “And So Grape Nuts Were Born” — DRS
· “How to Toss a Half-Asian Sal­ad” — [email protected]
· “It’s Of­fi­cial: Gay Men Are the New Teenage Girls.” — Steve
· “Some Peo­ple Just Pre­fer Ba­nanas” — Hot gay gin­ger
· “That’s Why They Call It the Fruit Sec­tion.” — Jesse

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Yo’ Ma­ma’s So Wednes­day, She’s a One-Lin­er!

Sleazy bik­er, tak­ing a bot­tle from marathon re­lief ta­ble: My moth­er al­ways told me I should be bot­tle-fed.

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Un­com­fort­able vol­un­teer

NYU stu­dent on cell, an­gri­ly: I was try­ing to show your mom a good time so I would­n’t have to stick my dick in her again!

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: chris k.

Gui­do on cell: So you fucked the moth­er *and* the daugh­ter?

–23rd & 3rd

Guy to girl: Any­thing over 50 is a su­per milf!

–Chelsea

Teen to friend: Cause I ain’t no full-time ma­ma. I’m a part-time ma­ma.

–Church & Cham­bers

Mid­dle aged hip­ster with pony­tail and gray streaked goa­tee: I’m a soc­cer mom!

–Times Square

Makes Ex­act­ly As Much Sense As Fan­ta­sy Foot­ball

NYU guy: I was to­tal­ly in­to Oba­ma un­til we met Sarah Palin and now she has made me all Re­pub­li­can for her mil­fi­ness.
Friend: You know you don’t get to fuck her just be­cause you vote for her?
NYU guy: But I can on­ly hope for my broth­ers in DC. You know like some Bill Clin­ton in­tern shit up in the White House, but this time with a hot moth­er in­stead of cig­ars and shit.

–L Train

Over­heard by: Nik­ki