Archive for the ‘MoMA’ Category

Reg­u­lar Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman: …Then they gave him en­e­mas un­til it ran clear. Now he has­n’t had a move­ment in three days. Should I be wor­ried?

–Sub­way

Suit: Yeah, I just left a floater in the up­stairs bath­room.

–44th & 3rd

Am­bigu­ous­ly gay ac­tor: Flow­ers come out. Girls do not poop, ever. Ever!

–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU

Over­heard by: a girl who poops

Fresh­man chick: I am so not in the mood to take a shit right now.

–Re­stroom, Hunter Col­lege

Cheru­bic blonde chick to an­oth­er: You know that ‘BM’ means poop, right?

–Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art

Suit-in-train­ing: Oh, yeah, I do have to take a shit — I for­got.

–NYU Stern Build­ing

Guy wait­ing for stall: Let’s go gang, push it out! We got­ta go out here!

–Man­hat­tan Mall

Over­heard by: KeeZ

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have Lost Their Group

Teenage boy tourist: Times Square is by far the coolest part of New York. It’s al­most like heav­en!

–Times Square

A tourist is cran­ing his neck to pho­to­graph the Em­pire State Build­ing.

New York­er: What is he look­ing at?! … Oh.

–34th & 5th

Tourist: There is­n’t any­where with­in walk­ing dis­tance.

–53rd & Lex

Over­heard by: Not a Clue­less Tourist

Hobo, af­ter steal­ing some­one’s lug­gage: Tourists need to be more care­ful when they come to New York City.

–6th Ave & 23rd St

Over­heard by: BOB Sled

Tourist drop­ping mon­ey in front of frozen fe­male mime he’s been star­ing at for five min­utes: That was tru­ly in­cred­i­ble. Thank you so much.

–Out­side Mo­MA

Tourist: I guess we should go to the Ground Ze­roes.

–5th Ave & 13th St

Over­heard by: Sal­ly Toma­to

Thug: Just push them out of the way. They’re tourists, they’ll love it.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: duff­duff

What Is Art? Are We Art? Are Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Art?

Old­er gay guy on cell: In the 60s, you did­n’t need to have pas­sion or tal­ent to be an artist; you just need­ed to have a van, be­cause no one else was go­ing to haul your shit­ty art around.

–7th Ave & 14th St

Over­heard by: Miss C

Girl read­ing sign at Frank Lloyd Wright mu­se­um: Oh… He was an ar­chi­tect!

–Guggen­heim Mu­se­um

Over­heard by: An­tar­tic

Mom to lit­tle girl: If you look at too much art in one day, you’ll turn in­to a stat­ue.

–Mo­MA

Guy on phone: Yeah, she said she did­n’t think I would want to go, but why the fuck not? I’ll go to a fuck­ing mu­se­um if I fuck­ing want to. I’ll look at some paint­ings and shit.

–Down­town Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Mark McLaugh­lin

12-year-old boy, look­ing at Pi­cas­so paint­ings: This is to­tal­ly my thing, man, it’s like free porn.

–Mo­MA

Su­per­poke! Wednes­day Has Thrown a One-Lin­er at You!

Frus­trat­ed styl­ist on com­put­er: How do you spell “Google”?

–Dra­mat­ics Hair Sa­lon

Hot Asian woman: She has­n’t even post­ed her face on Face­book!

–88th & 2nd

Over­heard by: Sam H.

Teen to friend: My mom still has­n’t Face­booked me back about tak­ing care of my dog.

–Bed­ford Ave

Over­heard by: kayt

Soror­i­ty girl: Like…oh my god. We should write about our­selves on Juicy Cam­pus and see what oth­er peo­ple say.

–Class­room, NYU

Over­heard by: An­gela

Mid­dle-aged jan­i­tor: You’ve got to try that in­ter­net! It has every­thing!

–Mo­MA

Over­heard by: Cristi­na

I Do Now

High school girl #1: Oh my god, I hate her, like, I have nev­er hat­ed any­one more.
High school girl #2: I know! She is such a slut. (pause) We’re talk­ing about Chantel, right?
High school girl #1: No, I was talk­ing about Lacey. (pause) You think Chantel is a slut?

–Out­side Mo­MA

We Pre­fer to Think of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers as “Found Art”

Girl on cell: So I bought this air con­di­tion­er for my liv­ing room, and it’s en­tire­ly too large for me to in­stall by my­self, be­cause it weighs 78 lbs. No, se­ri­ous­ly, I can­not even get it out of the box. I know–for the time be­ing I’m just re­fer­ring to it as a Duchamp “ready­made.” Ew! Don’t you call me bo­hemi­an!

–19th & 6th

Art pro­fes­sor: You should look at Pi­cas­so and Ma­tisse. These peo­ple will be more im­por­tant to you than your fam­i­ly. Cousin Philly. I had a cousin Philly, and I loved him very much. But he’s dead now.

–Pratt In­sti­tute

Over­heard by: traPt

Lawyer to friend, about Vin­cent van Gogh: You know, I could have got­ten him dis­abil­i­ty.

–Van Gogh Ex­hib­it, Mo­MA

Woman, dis­cussing gallery: It was all mod­ern stuff–but not, like, the kind of mod­ern art that chil­dren can do.

–20th & 5th

Tourist boy: You can see his pe­nis! It’s not art if you can see his pe­nis!

–Petrie Court, Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art