Out-of-town poser #1 looking at Condoleezza Rice painting: Look, they painted Satan!
Out-of-town poser #2: Shhh! Someone’ll hear you!
Out-of-town poser #1: Pshaw. I don’t have to be quiet in New York City. Everyone agrees with me.
–MoMA
Archive for the ‘MoMA’ Category
Or a Very Kinky Odyssey of the Mind Event
Guy #1: Whose job is it to mix up the Rubik’s Cube for those competitions?
Guy #2: You mean, like a Rubik’s Cube fluffer?
Guy #1: That’s a good name for a band.
–MoMA
Hell of a Time for You to Develop a Sense of Wonder
Little boy pointing at painting: Mama, why are there so many colors?
Mother: Shit, ain’t you color-bind or somethin’?
–MoMA
She Started Out As Monet’s “Woman with Parasol”
Little boy staring at photo of upside-down, topless stripper: Daddy, what is she doing?
Visibly uncomfortable father: Uh… she’s exercising.
Little boy: But why is she naked? Is it because she got hot?
Father: Uh… yes. Let’s go find those Monets.
–MoMA
Overheard by: Alejandra
When You Wednesday Upon a One-Liner, It Makes No Difference Who You Are
Guy walking by himself: I wish everybody who is not mentally ill would just drop dead!
–9th St, Park Slope
Overheard by: Rear Admiral Butts
Guy (admiringly, to attractive girl passing by): Damn, girl, I wish you were a guy!
–14th St & 1st Ave
Ditzy girl to another, about her boyfriend: He’s teaching himself philosophy right now. He bought a philosophy dictionary. He can do that, you know, because he’s so smart. I wish I could do that!
–Astoria
Overheard by: squarehand
Young guy to girl: Dude, I wish Dali was still around so he could do my album.
–Museum of Modern Art
Overheard by: Gino
Serious girl: I wish I had gotten the ovaries!
–Korean Baptist Church, Astoria
Overheard by: Evan
.…And Groom a Bit.
Middle-aged mid-western woman of a certain age #1, gesturing towards naked man and woman standing in doorway: Do they want us to walk through them?
Middle-aged mid-western woman of a certain age #2: Yes. Yes, I think that’s the point.
Middle-aged mid-western woman of a certain age #1: Well, okay. (pause) But first I’m gonna eat a mint.
–MoMA, Marina Abramovic Exhibit
Overheard by: aaron(b)
They Make Coffee-Flavored Condoms, Right?
Husband: I can’t fucking believe you fell asleep while I was making love to you.
Wife: Yeah, well maybe if your dick was bigger, I would be more inclined to stay up!
(pause)
Husband: Maybe we should get a divorce.
Wife: Why? So you can bore some hot 20-something into falling asleep on your dick?
–In line, MOMA
Headline by: Baby
Runners-Up:
· “Cathy Once Again Uses Her Overwhelming Logic to Get Out Of Divorce” — Erica
· “Isn’t That What Roofies Are For?” — KJM
· “Narcolepsy Destroys Families.” — KJM
· “She Called It His “Snooze Button”” — Taylor-Like-Woah
· “The One Conversation That Every Married Couple Has Had at Least Once” — I know I have
· “This Performance Art Piece Will Be Here All Week” — TV
Don’t Be Such a Little Momaphobe
Tween girl: My dad flies into New York airport tonight; where is that?
Tween boy: It’s in Jersey.
Tween girl: Idiot! It’s New York airport.
Tween boy: It’s Newark airport, and it’s in Jersey.
Tween girl: New York airport and it’s in New Jersey? That’s gay.
Tween boy: You’re gay.
Tween girl: Shut up! We’re at the museum!
–outside MoMA
You Have to, Honey, or We Lose Our Lease
Four-year-old girl: Mommy, is this avant-garde?
Mom: Yes.
Four-year-old girl: Mommy, I like avant-garde.
–MoMA
Wednesday One-Liners for Hezbollah
Officer to old lady: Hey, don’t leave you bag on the floor, there are terrorist everywhere.
–45th St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: StriderNo9
Suit on cell: So you’re gonna vote for a Muslim and a terrorist?
–MoMA
Hipster to friend: Yeah, terrorists totally love Bush.
–46th and 9th
Overheard by: choosing not to capitalize the B
Tourist: Are you guys terrorists?
–Rally for Gaza, 42nd & 7th
Overheard by: ooga booga
Loud black queer teen: But his best joke was like “What do you call people who hate ketchup?” (no response) “Al-Qaeda!” (bursts out laughing) Get it? It’s funny because they don’t have ketchup in Iraq!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Ketchup lover
