Midwestern child: Daddy, what’s that candle thing?
Midwestern father: It’s called a menorah. They use it on Jewish Christmas.
—Spamalot, Shubert Theatre, W 44th St
Archive for the ‘Moms’ Category
Just Find Star Jones and Follow Her Trail
Brit: Excuse me, do you know where the Photography Museum is please?
Newsagent: Chocolate Museum?…Hey mamma, you know where the Chocolate Museum is?
Mamma: I never heard of no Chocolate Museum.
Brit: Not to worry. Thanks anyway.
–53rd St. Newsstand
Overheard by: Shaun Riordan
Fine, Get All Master Po on Me
Mom, in Chinese: One bubble tea.
Daughter: Why do you know Chinese?
Mom: Why don’t you?
–Main St
At Least Charge for It, Sweetie.
Mother: Don’t sit like that! You don’t want people see your you-know-what parts!
Four-year-old daughter sitting Indian-style: But I wanna!
–13th & 8th, Park Slope
Overheard by: person
If It Were Up to Me, We Would've “Accidentally” Left Them Home Alone
Flight attendant: In case of an emergency, please place the oxygen mask on yourself first. You may then help your favorite child or the one with the most potential.
Well dressed father: Which one would that be?
Bored mother: Neither.
–JFK
Overheard by: Glad my kids weren't with me
I'm Beginning to Regret Naming You Descartes
Little girl: What is that?
Mom: An ornament on a branch.
Little girl: Why is it an ornament on a branch?
Mom: Because it is.
Little girl: Why is it because it is?
–St. Lukes Holiday Festival, Hudson & Christopher
Overheard by: nosey nancy
And I'm Still Smarter Than You. That's Gotta Burn
Hip 18-year-old daughter: Mom, stop laughing! I'm like the least funny person I've ever met.
Mom, laughing: No, you're so funny! You always have been! It's like you have an extra chromosome or something. (walks into an apartment and closes door behind her before her daughter and her friend can follow).
Girl's friend: So, you're retarded. You have an extra chromosome. You're fucking retarded.
–87th & East End
Overheard by: Sophie
Stupid Leprosy
Little girl: Mommy, what are you doing?
Mother: Rubbing my eyes — they itch. What are you doing?
Little girl: I’m buttoning my finger.
–University Pl & 11th St
Overheard by: Pat Nich
Wednesday One-Liners– As Far As You Know
Man on cell, coming out of The Dark Knight: I'm sorry that I couldn't pick up your call, I was in a very important meeting with a client.
–Lowes Movie Theater, 68th & Broadway
Guy on cell walking out of subway entrance: I'm getting on the subway now.
–Park Place & Church Street
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Female suit on cell: Well, I can't talk long, I'm about to get on a plane. Yeah, JFK.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: pop pop
Overweight woman to daughter in pink tutu: You made me come here! Don't lie! Don't lie! Don't lie!
–Ikea, Redhook
Overheard by: Emily B.
Annoying anchor: I'm writing a newscast. I don't have time to check facts.
–CBS News Headquarters, 57th St
Overheard by: The Shadow News Bunny
Where Jeopardy! Winners Come From
Mom pushing stroller: … And how do you spell ‘Loch Ness’?
Four-year-old boy: L, um… L-O, um… um… L-O-C-H-N-E-S-S
–17th St & Irving Pl