Archive for the ‘Moms’ Category

…Away from Wit­ness­es

Mom on stoop: Don’t you skate too far from the house!
Four-year-old boy on skate­board: Moooooooom! Go in­si­i­i­i­ide the hoooooouse! I don’t need you!
Mom neigh­bor: Did he just tell me to go in­side the house? Boy, you just wait till *you* come in­side the house!

–Mon­roe & Franklin, Bed-Stuy

Over­heard by: Tiger­tail

Maybe Mom Got a Head Wound in Iraq, or Some­thing

Lit­tle kid: Hey, mom, look! You can see the moon!
Ghet­to mom: Shut up! You can’t see no moon when the sun out. Sit down ‘fore I bust yo lit­tle ass!
Lit­tle kid: But I can see the moon!
Nice old­er la­dy to kid: You’re right, hon­ey. You can see the moon when the sun is out. The moon is bright be­cause of the sun.
Kid to mom: See, I told you I could see the moon?
Ghet­to mom: That bitch lyin’!

–A Train

Over­heard by: in­no­cent mta cus­tomer

Above the Av­er­age Would Be Luck­i­er

Mom: Eat this first and then you can have your Lucky Charms.
Lit­tle boy: No! I hate ba­nana!
Mom: You do not; you were beg­ging me for ba­nana on Sun­day. Fine. Turkey ba­con, then.
Lit­tle boy: No.
Mom: Fine. Noth­ing for you. Say, “OK, Mom­my.”
Lit­tle boy: You’re mean.
Mom: You’re lucky to have a mean mom­my.

–La­Guardia

Over­heard by: Kate Lane

I Rock!

Mom: First it will be spring, then sum­mer, then time for you to go to kinder­garten.
Four-year-old boy: Will there be nice kids there?
Mom: Are there nice kids at your day care now?
Four-year-old boy: Yeees…
Mom: You’re the on­ly bad kid at day care.
Four-year-old boy: I knooow!

–Up­town D Train

I See Har­vey Kei­t­el as the Moth­er

Mom to a sev­en-year-old kid on school bus: Fuck­ing an­i­mal, I’ll fuck­ing kill you!
Sev­en-year-old bul­ly: Suck my dick, you ug­ly bitch!
Mom to son: Every fuck­ing day! I can’t stand this shit!

–11th St & 4th ave, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Wish she did­n’t live on the block