Middle-aged woman, dressed like a pre-teen: I’m not really sure how it happened but I think I ended up drunk and half-naked on the 5th floor of Macy’s.
Teenage daughter: Really?
Middle-aged woman: Maybe it was the 6th floor. Shoot, and that was gonna be a good story to tell Jeannie.
–Q Train
Overheard by: Nikki
Old woman: Mom, look at this bag. Isn’t it cute?
Really old woman: Ewww! No!
She slaps her daughter’s wrist.
Really old woman: It’s ugly! That color! You have no taste!
Old woman: Jeez, Mom. I just thought it would be a nice bag for spring. You didn’t have to slap me.
Really old woman: Now I won’t have to look at it! Or you!
–Lord and Taylor
Guy on cell: Well, right now my brother and my girlfriend share a bedroom.
–Washington Square North
Overheard by: Daniel
Young nanny to six-year-old girl, crossing the street: What do you care about more, your brother or your scooter?
–76th St & Central Park West
Overheard by: Sonny
Daughter to obnoxious mom: Just because you are a member of my family doesn’t mean I won’t backhand you.
–NYU Coles Sports Center
Overheard by: Maria
Man to woman, while crossing street: Look, all I’m saying is there are a lot of men who like your sister even more then they like you – and that’s saying a lot!
–6th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Wemily
Litte girl: Why do they always do that?
Mother: Because they don’t think outside the box.
Little girl, after a pause: What does the box look like?
–Metro-North
Overheard by: Emilio Lizardo
Whining young boy: I can handle it!
Stern mother: We have a dying hermit crab at home. You cannot handle it.
Whining young boy: But I’ll feed it every day!
–3rd Ave & 16th Str
Girl: We can’t become gay just to fit in at this school!
–NYU
Passer-by: I pay $40k a year for school, and that makes me better than you.
–NYU, Tisch
Overheard by: Dan Lurie
NYU girl at party: My parents are actually really into civil liberties.
–NYU Dorm
NYU chick to friend: I love coke! (passing white lady gives her a strange look) I meant the drink, not the drug, lady! Jeez, I’m a minority student at fucking NYU! You think I can afford a coke habit??
–8th & University
Overheard by: Melissa Perez
Gay NYU student, rolling around on the ground in student lounge: I am obsessed with the ground. I mean, who’s going to judge me? There’s like six million Asians here and none of them are gay.
–Tisch Hall, NYU
Mother, pushing crying two-year-old in stroller: They’re never going to accept you here if you keep screaming!
–NYU Admissions
Overheard by: Sam
Child: Is this really what the Vikings’ houses looked like?
Mother: No, they didn’t have wood back then.
–Viking exhibit, Museum of Natural History
Overheard by: Trees? What trees?
Young hipster guy to hobo: I hate to ask, but do you mind if I bum a cigarette from you?
–Prince St
Overheard by: Kristen W.
Flight attendant on PA: We’d like to remind you that this is a non-smoking service to London, but passengers are permitted to smoke outside the cabin at any point during the flight.
–British Airways Flight to Heathrow
Crazy man: Smoking leads directly to prostitution!
–66th & Broadway
Overheard by: voluptuousgrl
Dude: I’ve been smoking since I came out of my mom’s cooch.
–Hop Scotch Cafe
Woman with raspy voice: Man, cigarettes are so expensive now. When I started smoking, it was only a $1.25 a pack. Unless I bought them off my mom, she only charged 75 cents a pack.
–4 Train, Union Square
Overheard by: Christine
Mom to seven-year-old son: Come on, let’s go out for a cigarette. (looks around nervously at other audience members) Well, not that you smoke.
–Intermission, Rent
Six-year-old kid to lost-looking mother: So, where’s downtown?
Mom: Well, it’s not uptown!
–42nd Street Subway Station
Overheard by: Excellent deduction, Watson.
Girl on phone: This is so crazy because I was just watching Gossip Girl and I was like: “Oh my god, no one has dinner at Butter!” But then you just called me and invited me to dinner at Butter! It’s totally out of control.
–Barnard College
Man: The Tudors is like Law & Order for British actors. If you can’t get a job anywhere else, there’s always that.
–Cort Theater
Overheard by: office peon
Young man to friend: It’s called Tudor Place. Hey, you know that show on showtime, The Tudors? Maybe it’s that family and they moved over here. Because the buildings do look old.
–Bryant Park
Hipster: I watched Lost one time. I watched Lost one time! A big monsoon was coming and some dude closed a door on it. Closed a door on the monsoon! I was like: “Fuck this, I’m done.”
–Outside an Irish Pub, 54th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: jon
Soccer mom: Charles in Charge was a consistently good show.
–51st St & 8th Ave
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist