Archive for the ‘Moms’ Category

Hard to Imag­ine Heav­en with­out Cheese

Moth­er: Shit, girl. You ain’t get­ting no more cheese for the rest of eter­ni­ty if I got any­thing to do with it.
Young girl, cry­ing: I hope I die.
Moth­er: Well, when you die, heav­en help you, they know you lac­tose in­tol­er­ant up there, too. So no fun­ny stuff, un­der­stand?

–B63 bus, Park Slope

Over­heard by: John Proc­tor

It’s Even Hard for Grownups to Grasp

Obese black woman, ex­plain­ing 9/11 to sev­en-year-old daugh­ter: We talk about this every day, hon­ey. The end­ing’s not gonna change.
Daugh­ter: They put up the flag up af­ter? Did­n’t it get dirty?
Obese black woman: Well, they kin­da had more im­por­tant things to deal with. They did­n’t have a wash­ing ma­chine there.

–R Train

Over­heard by: Jon A.

Raise Your Hand If You As­sumed It Was a Har­ry Pot­ter Thing.

Six-year old girl: Mom! I want some trif­fles!
(tired moth­er ig­nores her)
Six-year old girl: Trif­fles, mom! Can I have some when we get home? Please, mom? I want trif­fles! Trif­fles, trif­fles, trif­fles!
Tired moth­er: What the hell is a trif­fle? I don’t even know what those are.
Six-year old girl: Yeah. Me nei­ther.

–Crown Heights

Over­heard by: Now I re­al­ly wan­na know

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are One Baaaad Moth­er– Shut Yo’ Mouth!

Cute JAP talk­ing about all the stuff she gets: I don’t need a man, I have my mom.

–Rare View Bar

Over­heard by: white guy

Blonde girl to male friend: Lis­ten, John. Fif­teen min­utes, your mom. Fif­teen min­utes, your mom.

–R Train

An­noy­ing 40-some­thing new mom: A good mom al­ways has a di­a­per in her pock­et!

–Barnes & No­ble, 18th & 5th

Over­heard by: I Am McLovey

Cowork­er: I got a boot­leg moth­er.

–Mid­town

Win­dow-shop­ping tourist to wife: Look, hon­ey! It’s the dress your moth­er wore when they buried her!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: CJ

Guy: I go over to the house for Moth­er’s Day and she yells at me for not call­ing her for Moth­er’s Day like my broth­er did. So I go out­side and call her from my cell and say “hap­py Moth­er’s Day!” and she yells at me for be­ing an id­iot.

–37th & 7th