Archive for the ‘Moms’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are One Baaaad Moth­er– Shut Yo’ Mouth!

Cute JAP talk­ing about all the stuff she gets: I don’t need a man, I have my mom.

–Rare View Bar

Over­heard by: white guy

Blonde girl to male friend: Lis­ten, John. Fif­teen min­utes, your mom. Fif­teen min­utes, your mom.

–R Train

An­noy­ing 40-some­thing new mom: A good mom al­ways has a di­a­per in her pock­et!

–Barnes & No­ble, 18th & 5th

Over­heard by: I Am McLovey

Cowork­er: I got a boot­leg moth­er.

–Mid­town

Win­dow-shop­ping tourist to wife: Look, hon­ey! It’s the dress your moth­er wore when they buried her!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: CJ

Guy: I go over to the house for Moth­er’s Day and she yells at me for not call­ing her for Moth­er’s Day like my broth­er did. So I go out­side and call her from my cell and say “hap­py Moth­er’s Day!” and she yells at me for be­ing an id­iot.

–37th & 7th

We Call Our Act “The Aris­to­crats”

Four-year-old kid, pick­ing nose: Mom! Mom! [Kid holds out booger.]Mom: Where the fuck did you get that? Your nose? What the fuck do I want that for?
Four-year-old kid: Um­mm…
Mom: That’s fuck­ing gross! Drop that shit! [Mom grabs kid’s wrist and shakes vig­or­ous­ly un­til booger is dropped.] Now, give me a chip! [Kid gives mom a chip with booger hand.]

–A train

Over­heard by: Adam Tet­zloff

Mis­souri or Kansas?

Cop to cab­bie: Hur­ry up, you Ara­bi­an fuck! Dum­b­ass tow­el-heads…
Tourist mom: Do you have to use that lan­guage? There are chil­dren present.
Cop: La­dy, shut up. This is New York — ei­ther get with it or get out.
Tourist mom: This nev­er would have hap­pened back in Kansas City.

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

And the Gyp­sies Just Aren’t Nab­bing Them Like They Used to

Flus­tered woman, about her brood: Have we lost any­one yet?
Hus­band: Um­mm… No.
Flus­tered woman: Well, who are we go­ing to lose first? Be­cause we haven’t lost any­one yet.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Josh

Head­line by: Aeirlys

Run­ners-Up:
· “Be­cause Abor­tion THIS Late in the Term Is Just Tacky” — Hillary Claire
· “Ho­bos Aren’t Born. They’re Made.” — Kriszti­na
· “It Looked So Much Eas­i­er in Home Alone” — You Don’t Want To Know
· “Things Were Shaky Un­til Fraulein Maria Came Along” — al­li­son
· “Two Roads Di­verged in the Woods — I Chose the One My Chil­dren Could­n’t Trav­el” — Drewp

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test