Little girl, in very loud voice: Mommy, how old are you?
Older woman: Twenty-two.
Little girl: No, you’re not! You’re like fifty something!
–JFK
Archive for the ‘Moms’ Category
Sometimes It’s Good to Be Autistic
Smiley man: How you feelin’? How you feelin’?
Little girl: Who’s that?
Mom: That was just a nice man sitting on the sidewalk saying hello.
Little girl: Really?
Mom: Yeah, he was talking to you.
–14th St & University Place
Overheard by: Alexandra
Just a Vestige, Like Your Tail
Mother to daughter wearing a Pink Princess backpack: Hold up, honey, mommy needs to get something out of your bag.
(mother removes pack of cigarettes and lighter from bag)
Husband to wife: You have no shame.
–Central Park
At a Support Group for Child Actors Cast on Law & Order: SVU
Preschool girl: W W W.
Helpful Mom: Dot.
Preschool girl: WWW dot porn!
–Uptown 4 train
Maybe Next Time You Won’t Smoke Crack During the Third Trimester
Mom: Look at this! Look at all this! You’re in nature! Aren’t you having fun?
Little boy: No.
Mom: Well then there’s something wrong with you.
–The Great Lawn, Central Park
Almost No One Pickles Children These Days
Mom: Honey, what’s the matter?
Girl: Am I going to turn green for being a bad girl too?
Mom: Honey, I was just kidding about that!
–Gershwin Theater
Overheard by: Rogue
Different Strokes for Different Wednesday One-Liners
Guy saying goodbye to lady friend: Then I masturbated, and rubbed this sandwich all over myself! (proceeds to rub sub sandwich over his chest)
–46th St & Broadway
Overheard by: James
Man to woman pushing stroller: That guy’s kid beats the meat all day long!
–66th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Wow.
Guy in trench coat: He masturbated the other day in order to expel…
–Union Square
Overheard by: Amused
Girl: You really need good hand-eye coordination to masturbate.
–Bard High School, Queens
Overheard by: Sunny
Guy on phone: So, even though we’re not together anymore, you don’t want me seeing other people? (pause) What am I supposed to do? (pause) What do I need to use my hand for?
–White Plains Road
Overheard by: Chad
She Tried to Take My Fluorescent Light Away
Woman #1: They confiscated my fluorescent light because they said it was a fire hazard.
Woman #2: Oh yeah?
Woman #1: Yeah…They should have been there when I set my mother on fire.
–Target, Erskine St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Courtney C.
Besides, You Need to Learn to Make Do
Young daughter: I want an eight-inch one.
Mom: No, honey, eight inches is too long for you.
Young daughter: But I really want it.
Mom: No, you’ll just get the five inches, and it will be good.
–Quizno’s, 5th Ave
It Stands for Keeping Us Safe from the Terrorists
White mom: Does this train stop at Canal Street?
Black guy: Yeah, it goes there, it goes there. It’s not going there anytime soon. ‘Cause you know what the MTA stands for? Might Take Awhile.
–E train
