Archive for the ‘More museums’ Category

Shish Kan­ish Is That Falafel Place Over on Third

10-year-old white boy: Mom, you know what I’m won­der­ing?
Mom: No, what?
10-year-old: What does “shish kan­ish” mean?
Mom, star­ing at him: What the hell are you talk­ing about?
10-year-old: In that song by Shaki­ra it says she makes a man wan­na “shish kan­ish.“
Mom, shak­ing head: “Speak Span­ish,” Cory. She made a man wan­na speak Span­ish. Shit, you ain’t nev­er gonna be a singer.

–Ten­e­ment Mu­se­um

Over­heard by: Ex­cuse me while I kiss this guy

Wednes­day Flat­lin­ers

Dude on cell: Al­right, lis­ten up. If the guy gets up and walks away, he’s not dead. If you come back and he’s still ly­ing there, he’s dead, you fol­low? So, in that sit­u­a­tion you are just go­ing to go through the mo­tions like we dis­cussed.

–23th & 7th

Over­heard by: mel

Ran­dom man on bi­cy­cle to door­man: You nev­er know when you’re go­ing to eat a bad mush­room and die.

–87th St & York Ave

Over­heard by: Crit­ter

Jer­sey woman, look­ing at a case with brains that suf­fered from ma­jor stroke: Oh my gawd… They prob­a­bly died from that!

–Bod­ies The Ex­hi­bi­tion, South St Sea­port

Guy shop­ping in art sup­ply on a cell: So you’re bank­ing on dy­ing young, then?

–Art Store, Williams­burg

Spacey old guy to friends, calm­ly: I want to mur­der that guy. (even more calm­ly) I’ve got blood­lust in my heart.

–9th St b/w 1st & 2nd

Over­heard by: JKW

Woman on cell: You want to be cre­mat­ed, right? (pause) Well, then what the hell are we go­ing to do with you?

–Park Ave

The Best Things in Life Are Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Woman on cell: Why aren’t you look­ing for some boy to do it for free?

–E 3rd & 1st Ave

Over­weight MTA work­er with mega­phone: Free shut­tle bus­es to Uti­ca Ave. Fol­low the crowd. Free shut­tle bus­es to Uti­ca Ave. Fol­low the crowd. No shirt, no shoes: no ser­vice!

–Franklin Ave Sub­way

Over­heard by: Je­sus Jon

Home­less guy: Free boogers! Get your free boogers!

–8th & 6th

Over­heard by: Za­ck

Old woman with glass of wine and full plate, stum­bling out on­to the side­walk: Ha! It’s free! Every­one, free food! Ha!

–Open House Art Ex­hi­bi­tion, 106th St & Broad­way

Guy giv­ing out free pens: Come on, don’t be shy! Come get your free pens! This is New York City, on­ly thing you’re gonna get for free are these pens and your moth­er’s love.

–Kim­mel, NYU

Wan­na-be thug eat­ing ice cream: Wan­na know how much I paid for this? S’free! I stole it.

–125th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: EthanK

Hobo stopped for steal­ing a box of bot­tled wa­ter: But Oba­ma’s Pres­i­dent! Every­thing should be moth­er­fuck­ing free for the next 279 years!

–Du­ane Reade

The Nat­ur­al Won­der of Wednes­day One-lin­ers

Chick: There are so many home­less peo­ple around to­day. Like they’ve come out of hi­ber­na­tion or some­thing.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: is­abelle

Chick: I hate this mu­se­um. It’s filled with stuffed mon­keys who all look like they’re cry­ing.

–D train at 81st St, Nat­ur­al His­to­ry Mu­se­um