Younger black man with suitcase: I just want you all to know that I am getting on the train with a suspicious package.
Older black man, not looking up from his newspaper: Nigga, that is the stupidest thing you could have said.
–Downtown 1 train
Overheard by: observing on the 1
Black woman, looking at Nacho Libre poster: I don’t wanna see any foreign shit. Fuck that!
–AMC theatre, 34th & 8th
Overheard by: K Smith
Woman with white dog to woman with black dog: He’s only barking because he isn’t used to seeing that kind of dog.
–Central Park
Old Chinese lady: Ex-see-cus-see me.
Old Chinese lady: Ex-see-cus-see me!
Gangsta: Man, what are you excusing me about? Fuck you!
Old Chinese lady: Fuck me? Ok, take‑a off the pant.
Stairway in silence.
Old Chinese lady: Ex-see-cus-see me!
Gangsta: Sure thing, ma’am. I’m sorry.
Chinese kid: And that’s why we respect our elders.
–Canal St station
Suit #1: I had to dig a four foot trench last weekend.
Suit #2: Why?
Suit #1: Well, we’re putting a waterfall into my swimming pool.
Suit #1: That’s why they invented Mexicans.
–Trinity Place
Overheard by: B‑tron
Suit #1: So now the mayor wants this new festival.
Suit #2: Oh, yeah? Which one?
Suit #1: The Asian Heritage festival, whatever the hell that means.
–Chambers & Broadway
Overheard by: Chandini Davis
Girl: But you’re not black.
Guy: You treat me like I’m black.
–Bowery Ballroom, Delancey Street
Overheard by: Christopher R. Weingarten
Man: I directed a show at a musical theatre awards dinner last night. All the great, older musical writers were there: Kander, Ebbs, everyone. You should see their wives. They’re gorgeous.
Woman: They have wives? I thought they were gay.
Man: Oh, no. They’re Jewish.
–LES
American man: So you’re a tourist from Great Britain?
British man: Yes, I am.
American man: Where did you learn to speak English?
British man: We spawned the language, you know.
American man: No… that was the English.
–Statue of Liberty crown
Date: Tue, 2 Aug 2005 11:51:21 ‑0700
From: Google AdSense
To: [email protected]
Subject: Google AdSense Account Status
Cc: Google AdSense
Hello Steven,
Thank you for your interest in Google AdSense. After reviewing your application, our program specialists have found that it does not comply with our policies. Therefore, we’re unable to accept you into Google AdSense at this time.
We did not approve your application for the reasons listed below. If you are able to resolve these issues, please feel free to reply to this email for reconsideration when you have made the changes.
Issues:
- Inappropriate language
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Further detail:
Inappropriate language: We’ve found that your website contains content that isn’t in compliance with our program policies. We don’t allow websites with excessive profanity or potentially offensive content to participate in Google AdSense. Please review our policies(https://www.google.com/adsense/policies?hl=en_US) for a complete list of site content not allowed on web pages.
[Surely they don’t mean “nigga”? –Ed.]Obnoxious white lawyer to his China doll date: We’ll have unaju. I think unaju is eel from the sea, and unaji is eel from a river.
Obnoxious white laywer to the Japanese sushi chef: We’ll have unaju. Is it true that unaju is eel from the sea, and unaji is eel from a river?
Japanese sushi chef nods politely.
Obnoxious white lawyer to his China doll date: Did you hear that? Unaju is eel from the sea, and unaji is eel from a river.
–Shimizu, W 51st & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Asian American couple who had to deal with this all night long
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist