Archive for the ‘Murder’ Category

New York Girls Have Al­ways Swooned for Qua­si­mod­o’s “Iron­ic” Sense Of Style

Her­mit-look­ing man at bak­ery counter: Eu­hh… Yes, I want cake. One will say “Ken­ny’s dead.” No! Wait! One will say “I killed Ken­ny, and I’m not sor­ry!” And the oth­er will say… it will say, “Oba­ma is my home­boy!“
20-some­thing hip­ster girl, star­ing at man: Are you… for re­al?
Her­mit-look­ing man: Yes, sweet­ie.
20-some­thing hip­ster girl: You… you win at life, sir.

–167th & Broad­way

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have a View to a Kill

God freak: The Chris­tians are pray­ing and not killing. The Chris­tians on­ly kill once in two thou­sand years, or maybe a thou­sand years. Three hun­dred years. God will for­give you for killing a hun­dred men, but he will kill you be­cause of the ra­dio.

–R train

Chick on cell: You mur­dered him? Oh… you did­n’t. Well that’s good. It would have been bad for your im­age.

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Lau­ra

Dude: Yo, don’t be so an­gry while I kill every­one.

–GWB Ter­mi­nal, 175th St

Bean-Lover: And I said, “Yo, bitch, I kill you for a can o’ pin­to beans.”

–10th St & 1st Ave

B&T girl: I want that ex­act kind of re­la­tion­ship. Ex­cept for, like, the whole mass mur­der­ing thing.

–Knit­ting Fac­to­ry, Leonard St

Pro­fes­sor: Why kill your­self when you can just steal some­one else’s idea?

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: acep & arielle

Woman on cell: Do you know how many ex­e­cu­tions I’ve been to over the last year?…5.

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: MC

The Unit­ed One-Lin­ers Of Wednes­day

Fe­male suit on cell: And if we get cus­tody, we can take the girls to North Car­oli­na! Fuck it! Yeah, we can!

–37th St & Madi­son

Over­heard by: catch­ing a train

Lit­tle boy: Mom­my, is Cal­i­for­nia re­al­ly far? Would we have to take the f train to get there?

–N Train

Crazy-eyed la­dy on sub­way: The pub­lic schools failed my son! He flunked out, and now he’s get­ting all As in pri­vate school! We need to stop putting mon­ey in­to Geor­gia and put mon­ey in­to our schools! You know what else we need to do? We need to drill in Alas­ka, be­cause if we don’t, Rus­si­a’s go­ing to get a pipeline in there and take it all!

–Up­town R Train

Over­heard by: An­na P.

20-some­thing woman: I think he’s just go­ing to club me…and drag me back to Alas­ka.

–Bleeck­er & 11th

Over­heard by: Im­ma club you

Fa­ther to five-year-old daugh­ter touch­ing sign­posts and cars: You can rub any­thing you want in Con­necti­cut, hon­ey, but we have to be care­ful in New York.

–Union Square

Thugette: Ohio was mad crazy. Hill­bil­lies be fuck­ing chill­in’ on the block. Ain’t no one had teeth! No one! You ever seen one of those movies where some white guy goes fuck­ing crazy and kills, like, ten peo­ple? Like he’s walk­ing down the street and just stabs a cat in the neck? It was like that.

–V Train

It De­pends on Whether She Swal­lows

Girl #1: Aw, he sent me a mes­sage that says “Sweet dreams, gor­geous.”
Girl #2: Hmm. Is­n’t that what they say to Mafioso girl­friends be­fore they slit their throats and throw them in the East Riv­er?

–Morn­ing­side Heights

Over­heard by: djlindee

Yup­pie #1: …and it’s not just be­cause she’s a chick.
Yup­pie #2: Yeah, it’d be the same if she were a dude.
Yup­pie #1: To­tal­ly! And it’s not be­cause I re­al­ly like to work, be­cause I don’t.
Yup­pie #2: To­tal­ly!

–Dock­’s Oys­ter Bar, 40th & 3rd

Over­heard by: Greg Rut­ter

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Hang Weird Shit on Their Mir­rors

Cab dri­ver, get­ting cut off: Yeah, dri­ve like you want that cheese­burg­er!

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

Cab­bie: I got in some trou­ble and my wife threw all my clothes out of the house. I nev­er re­al­ized how many clothes I have! I know New York streets bet­ter than my own clos­et! (laughs)

–Cab, Broad­way & Hous­ton

Cab dri­ver to col­league who just honked af­ter he stopped for a pedes­tri­an: What, you want me to kill him?

–Bat­tery Park

Mid­dle East­ern cab dri­ver: I used to have a video store in Wash­ing­ton Heights. But the black bas­tard put me out of busi­ness! Can you be­lieve it? Af­ter ten years the black bas­tard put me out of busi­ness! Do you now the black bas­tard on Dy­ck­man? C’­mon! Every­body knows the back bas­tard! Black bas­tard! Black bas­tard video!

–Cab, Wash­ing­ton Heights

Over­heard by: Gene Gray

Cab dri­ver: When you dri­ve for ten hours a day, you learn that over 50% of dri­vers are, how do you say it…stupid.

–Queens

Over­heard by: Fi­as­co

As It Clear­ly States in Joss Whe­do­n’s Ver­sion Of the Bible

Pro­fes­sor: Does any­one know where the term “Passover” comes from?
Stu­dent: It’s be­cause the Jews put blood on their doors so Je­sus would pass over their house and not kill the first-born son.

–Class­room, Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: dun­dun