Archive for the ‘Museum of Natural History’ Category

What’s “Wednes­day One-Lin­er,” Any­way?

Earnest side­walk poll­ster: Sir? Have you got a minute to talk about the san­i­ta­tion de­part­ment? Do you think it’s nor­mal?

–51st St & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: jake‑e

Con­duc­tor, bend­ing down be­fore faint­ed man: C’­mon! Dude! What did I tell you be­fore? Get up and sit down and pass out in the seat like reg­u­lar nor­mal peo­ple. Peo­ple think you’re dead. Get up.

–Up­town 6 Train

Over­heard by: I guess not a nor­mal per­son

Girl, dur­ing His­to­ry of Is­lam class: Mir­a­cles show us what’s nor­mal and what’s, like, su­per above nor­mal.

–Hunter Col­lege

Woman, bend­ing down to ad­just child: You have to walk nor­mal­ly now–like a nor­mal per­son.

–Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Nerd guy to friend: It would­n’t be child la­bor. You just hook them up to elec­trodes, con­nect them to the the pow­er grid, and have them play on the play­ground like nor­mal!

–Shut­tle to Times Square

The Peo­ple’s Re­pub­lic of Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Wasp woman, look­ing at Asian Peo­ples ex­hib­it: Oh, hon­ey, look, that woman looks just like that woman at that Chi­nese food place we like!

–Mu­se­um of Na­tru­al His­to­ry

Over­heard by: Heather

Old­er man to Chi­nese friend: You know, Cau­casians re­al­ly can’t tell the dif­fer­ence be­tween the Asians and the Chi­nese.

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: James

Burly bounc­er to burnt-out groupie: Don’t think of it as a fin­ger, think of it as an Asian pe­nis.

–11th & 3rd

Tourist on cell: I think I’m head­ing to­wards Lit­tle Italy, but all I see are Chi­nese peo­ple. I feel like fuckin’ Mar­co Po­lo. Fuck man, where are you? (trips on curb and falls in­to pile of trash bags)

–Canal St

Gig­gling 20-some­thing: So we hired a new in­tern, and she’s Asian!

–Mur­ray Hill

Over­heard by: sab

Pre­sent­ing the Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Lol­lipop

Girl: He’s like, “Why so cold?” and I’m like, “You licked my ear! You licked my ear! You licked my ear! I can­not em­pha­size enough that you licked my ear.”

–43rd & 9th

Girl on cell: So if he licked my pussy, would it ru­in our friend­ship?

–W 4th Street

Eight-year old boy: Can I please lick your eye­ball, mom?

–Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Over­heard by: thank­ful­ly, not the mom

20-some­thing woman talk­ing to friends: So, hav­ing some guy re­al­ly close to your ear with his tongue out is the most hor­ri­fy­ing thing ever… Some guy just licked me on the sub­way. He emp­tied, like, an en­tire tube of tooth­paste on my hair and back and then pro­ceed­ed to lick it off me…I got to work and went to the bath­room. I washed my hair, and scrubbed my back raw, but I did­n’t feel clean un­til I got home and took a show­er.

–Gift Shop, The Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art

Over­heard by: Lau­ren Weiss

Girl to friend: And then she bent over and he licked her ass.

–As­tor Place Sub­way Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Shane and Sam­my

Pre­ten­tious red­head: So I said, “Please don’t lick me. I’m just try­ing to do my job.”

–Up­town E Train

Over­heard by: won­der­ing where she works

Kids Say the Darn­d­est Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Sev­en-year-old white boy in huge afro wig, scream­ing: Peace out, smok­ers! Peace out, jazz singers! Now, who wants my au­to­graph?

–Play­ground, Hous­ton St, So­ho

Lit­tle boy with bro­ken arm: I just won eight gold medals!

–Pier 46, Hud­son Riv­er Park

Over­heard by: skep­ti­cal james

Three-year-old boy: The night… why does it hurt?

–Flush­ing Play­ground

Six-year-old girl wait­ing for par­ents to pay the check, chant­i­ng: Hun-ger! Hun-ger! Hun-ger!

–Chi­nese Restau­rant, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Kendra

Lit­tle boy walk­ing to­wards LIRR at rush-hour: How are we go­ing to get through all of this?

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: i feel the same way

Four-year-old boy: I got­ta feel­in… that tonight’s gonna be a good night… that tonight’s gonna be a good night… that tonight’s gonna be a good good night!

–Hard Rock Cafe, Times Square

Over­heard by: wooohoooo

Lit­tle girl, in Cro-Magnon sec­tion of mu­se­um: Mom­my, you must have known these peo­ple. They look like you!

–Amer­i­can Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Cross Species Bound­aries

Man, to old woman pour­ing paint thin­ner in­to the sew­er: You know, you’ll kill the al­li­ga­tors like that.

–39th & Lex

Metho­d­one lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the al­li­ga­tors on you!”

–White­hall Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal

Over­heard by: Steven Low­ell

Tourist, kneel­ing in front of a gi­ant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the sil­ver mon­key?

–Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their ass­es were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chi­huahua’s.

–19th & 6th

Over­heard by: CocteauBoy

5‑Year-Old boy, pass­ing the smelly horse car­riages on Cen­tral Park South: Eww, are there camels around here?

–59th be­tween Broad­way & 7th

Over­heard by: Carmiya Wein­raub

Old man, pass­ing bear sculp­ture: Bears eat too much.

–Amer­i­can Wing Cafe, the Met

Over­heard by: guin­gel

MTA hard­hat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have ei­ther the rat on a stick or the pi­geon on a stick.

–Bleeck­er & Lafayette

Over­heard by: Brew­ster

Guy on cell: I just saw a pi­geon, and it re­mind­ed me of you.

–Hous­ton & Bow­ery

Over­heard by: Jon A.

Com­muter: Oh, I’ve al­ways been in­to man­a­tees.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Jon

Woman, to child: That’s why imag­i­na­tion is re­al­ly nice. You can imag­ine that cat you have al­ways want­ed, and it’s al­most like hav­ing him for real…even though you nev­er will.

–53rd & Broad­way

An­i­mal lover: I nev­er used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat.

–10th St & 1st Ave

Bus rid­er: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop.

–Q101 bus

Over­heard by: Kaleena

Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a don­key, not two don­keys! Je­sus.

–14th St 1 sta­tion

Non-Ghet­to woman on cell: That’s nig­ga’s cra­zier than a road lizard!

–59th & 7th

Picky girl: You won’t be­lieve the pick up line he used. He ac­tu­al­ly said, “I want to be your beast.”

–The Strand, Broad­way

Over­heard by: Miss Park­er