Archive for the ‘Musicians’ Category

Janie Got a Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Voice over em­ploy­ee’s walkie-talkie: Okay, I re­al­ly need those guns. Any­one who has one, I need it down in bridal.

–Bed Bath & Be­yond

Ob­nox­ious woman: So I said, “moth­er­fuck­er, I’m not your sister–I’m your cousin. So I will shoot you.”

–Up­town 2 Train

Large black man: If you ain’t got no bul­lets, you got­s­ta melee!

–23rd St b/w 5th & 6th

Over­heard by: Zach

Wannabe hip-hop­per, try­ing to sell CD: It’s clean mu­sic, and I ain’t nev­er shot no one!

–Union Square

20-some­thing guy on cell: They got no right to bring up that gun charge, it’s over ten years old!

–19th St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: Emi­ly David­son

Dude, af­ter chat­ting to po­lice­woman: I just have a thing for women in uni­form! My mind says, “no, no, set­tle down,” and my pe­nis says, “but she’s got a gun!”

–Hud­son & Laight

Wednes­day One-Lin­er: The World’s Old­est Pro­fes­sion

Old­er, dirty-look­ing hobo: Hey, spare me some change, all I want tonight is a hook­er and some malt liquor.

–Ave A & 4th St

20-some­thing girl: Se­ri­ous­ly! There is noth­ing bet­ter af­ter a stress­ful day than steal­ing a car, pick­ing up a hook­er, tak­ing her to the beach, fuck­ing her, killing her, get­ting your mon­ey back and not get­ting ar­rest­ed. Noth­ing!

–Un­der­hill & St. Mark’s, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Claire H.

Young woman to boss: If you don’t give me more hours, I’m­ma have to start sell­in’ my pussy!

–Chelsea

Over­heard by: Hol­ly

Sub­way mu­si­cian in drag the night be­fore Valen­tine’s Day: Be with the one you love! If you don’t have any­one, then hire some­body! And keep your re­ceipt!

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

Over­heard by: Morn­ing Glo­ry

Mu­si­cian on train plat­form: Every­thing gonna be al­right! Get home safe, New York. Re­mem­ber: if you see some­thing, say some­thing, don’t keep it to your­self. And re­mem­ber, New York, if you can’t be with the one you love, pay some­one! Keep all the re­ceipts. I know what I’m talk­ing about.

–B Train

Over­heard by: Free Love

Live Fast, Die Young, Get Lost on the Way to Hobo­ken

Bassist: This is go­ing to Jer­sey, right?
Band­mate: Yeah, no one would let us go this far if we weren’t.
Bassist: Yeah, we’re go­ing to Hobo­ken.
Band­mate: Is Hobo­ken a city?
Bassist: No, it’s a street or av­enue.
Band­mate: Hobo­ken Street, yeah.
Bassist: Yeah, we’re def­i­nite­ly go­ing to Jer­sey. Some­one would tell us if we weren’t.

–Crowd­ed Brook­lyn-bound L train

Over­heard by: brooklyn3