Archive for the ‘Myspace’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Cele­bre­tards

Young black guy to an­oth­er: You know, Oba­ma is to pol­i­tics what Richard Sim­mons is to ex­er­cise.

–PATH Train

Guy stand­ing out­side bar: And she was like, “What, like Gary Cole­man?” and I’m like, “No, not like fuck­ing Gary Cole­man!”

–4th & 10th

Girl to boyfriend: Well, Tom Green on­ly had one tes­ti­cle. It’s to­tal­ly fine.

–E 11th St

Over­heard by: j

Suit on cell: And I was like, “Fuck you, Ryan Cabr­era”!

–Bed­ford & 6th St

Black girl on cell: I told you, we’re like the Paris Hiltons of Liberia.

–Bor­ders, Wall St

Over­heard by: step

Guy (af­ter tak­ing pic­ture with Je­re­my Piv­en): Damn! I can’t put this on My­Space. I’m wear­ing the same shirt I wore when I met Chazz Palminteri!

–Out­side Bar­ry­more The­atre

Over­heard by: Pasta…Salad

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Call Them­selves “Pub­li­cists”

An­nounc­er dude: Peo­ple, get the Au­dio Guide! If you don’t you’ll end up up there think­ing, ‘I should have lis­tened to that hand­some, well-spo­ken man down­stairs.’ You’ll be beat­ing your­self for not buy­ing the Au­dio Guide. And I don’t need that on my con­science.

–Em­pire State Build­ing

Over­heard by: George Carsto­cea

Dai­ly News hawk­er: Sign up here for your free sub­scrip­tion to the Dai­ly News! [Mut­ter­ing] We’ll screw you lat­er.

–Out­side Shea Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Mrs. Met

Guy sell­ing com­e­dy show tick­ets: Come on, have a tick­et. If you don’t I’ll stalk you on your My­Space page!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Punkgr­rl

Top of the Rock pro­mot­er guy: Yeah, it’s sup­posed to be, like, the best view or what­ev­er of, uh, I don’t know… [Calls to fel­low pro­mot­er] Yo, man, you ever been up there?

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

Fly­er dude: See the naked cow­boy on stage! Suck­ing cock!

–46th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Ash­ley

Guy sell­ing news­pa­pers: New York Post here! Dai­ly News here! [He’s ig­nored.] New York Post here! Dai­ly News! [Still ig­nored.] George Bush wins the lot­tery! [Still ig­nored.]

–33rd & 7th

Com­e­dy club pro­mot­er: Peo­ple, you got­ta come tonight, be­cause if you don’t my boss is gonna kill me! I work for the mafia!

–Times Square

Re­mem­ber That Hip­ster who Re­ferred to My­Space as ‘Friend­ster but for Artists’?

His­pan­ic teen #1: Oh my God girl! You’re such a fuck­ing bitch!
His­pan­ic teen #2: Pshaa… Nig­ga please, I got like 300 friends on My­Space and you on­ly got like 100, bitch.
His­pan­ic teen #1: At least I did­n’t sleep with all my 300 friends.
His­pan­ic teen #2: You are so off my top 14.
His­pan­ic teen #1: You aren’t even on mine, so I dont give a shit.
His­pan­ic teen #2: Bitch

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Bryan

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Friends With Tom

Geeky boy: I think I’m hav­ing trou­ble meet­ing peo­ple on­line be­cause my My­Space page is so in­tim­i­dat­ing.
Goth girls: [Si­lence.]

–Eileen’s Cheese­cake

Girl: Hey, why did­n’t you Friend­ster me on My­Space yet?

–46th & 6th

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

Girl de­part­ing with friend: My­Space-mes­sage me when you get your new phone! But I’m sure I’ll see you be­fore then.

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: acep

Nerd: So I broke up with her by chang­ing my My­Space sta­tus from ‘In a re­la­tion­ship’ to ‘Sin­gle.’

–Star­bucks, As­tor Place

Over­heard by: Adri­enne

Ghet­to boy: Where the fuck has he been? Fuck. I’m go­ing to hunt that nig­ger down on My­Space.

–Wendy’s, 23rd St

Gui­do in car full of gui­dos, tak­ing girl’s pic­ture with cell: Hey, girl! Did­n’t I see you on My­Space last night?

–Hugh­es Ave & Ford­ham Rd

Over­heard by: Greg

Skin­ny girl on cell: What? I’m sor­ry! Lis­ten, you asked! That’s what hap­pens when you bend over and you aren’t wear­ing un­der­wear: your pussy def­i­nite­ly ends up on My­Space.

–65th & Lex

Teach­ing the In­die Kids to Over­hear Again

In­die guy: There are so many peo­ple here I know from My­Space, but none of them will look me in the face.

–Knit­ting Fac­to­ry, Leonard Street

Guy: God, why is there al­ways some­thing with this place? Who are all of these lame yup­pies here?
Girl: Who the fuck knows? But man, I swear, un­til White peo­ple learn how to dance, I am sooo boy­cotting shows at the Knit­ting Fac­to­ry…

–Knit­ting Fac­to­ry, Leonard Street

Over­heard by: astralgirl01

That’s It — I’m Get­ting a Big­ger Mon­i­tor!

Ghet­to queer, mock­ing ghet­to chick: ‘It’s been so nice see­ing you again…‘
Ghet­to chick: You know, I’ve been friends with him for so long, but some­thing about see­ing him to­day was just so… dif­fer­ent. I guess maybe his essence was just too big for a My­Space page.

–72nd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Has been wait­ing for this.

Maybe I’ll Go the Ex­tra Mile and YouTube a Sex Video

Pros­ti­tot #1: You know what I am to­tal­ly afraid of? That I’ll say some­thing dumb or mean in school, some­body will hear it then post it on their My­Space, and then, like, every­one will read it and think I’m dumb or some­thing.
Pros­ti­tot #2: Oh, that is, like, easy to fix. All you do is put up a lot of pic­tures of you in, like, a biki­ni or your un­der­wear or some­thing, and then, like, every­one will be on your side if any­body says they heard you say some­thing dumb or what­ev­er. They’ll to­tal­ly bash who­ev­er made the nasty post about you say­ing they are jeal­ous or some shit.
Pros­ti­tot #1: Wow, re­al­ly?
Pros­ti­tot #2: Oh, yeah. Re­mem­ber last se­mes­ter when I got in­to that fight with Jaimie and she, like, post­ed the whole thing?
Pros­ti­tot #1: Yeah.
Pros­ti­tot #2: Well, the next day I put up that pic­ture of me in the wet shirt. Every­one to­tal­ly went af­ter Jaimie say­ing she was just all jeal­ous I had more friends on my page.
Pros­ti­tot #1: I am so go­ing home now and putting up pic­tures of me in my un­der­wear!

–F train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Click “It’s Com­pli­cat­ed”

Chick: It’s about your cy­ber per­son­al­i­ty, and if your cy­ber per­son­al­i­ty does­n’t want to be in a re­la­tion­ship with me on Face­book, that’s okay!

–NYU Hay­den Stair­case

Co­ed: I don’t know… if Sh­eryl* with the two kids by the two dif­fer­ent ba­by-dad­dies can have a good My­Space, I think pret­ty much any­one should be able to do it.

–Hunter Col­lege

Over­heard by: Im­mac­u­latePiz­za

Hip­ster girl: It looks like My­Space ex­plod­ed in there!

–The Knit­ting Fac­to­ry, 74 Leonard St

Over­heard by: Cassie

20-some­thing girl: So, the quad­ri­pleg­ic I hooked up with added me as a friend on Face­book last night.

–Chipo­tle, 51st & 8th

Geek prophet: No one is ever away from Google, re­al­ly.

–Near Hol­land Tun­nel

Over­heard by: Claire H.

An­gry chick, to boyfriend: Look, I’m not chang­ing my Face­book sta­tus!

–6th & Ave A

Over­heard by: Kremil­yse

30-ish woman: I said I would­n’t date him ’til he gets rid of the ty­pos on his My­Space pro­file… Am I a snob?

–Tom’s Din­er, Morn­ing­side Heights

Over­heard by: ball-and-vein­ing tool