Archive for the ‘Names’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners: “Is This Thing On?”

PA system: Leia, please meet your party at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your party at the front.

–Bed, Bath & Beyond, 18th & 6th

Overheard by: Rebecca

Announcer over loudspeaker: The time is now one am o'clock!

–Baggage Claim, JFK

Overheard by: Kimmie

Loudspeaker announcement: Attention, all late night shoppers, this is a live announcement. I repeat, this is not a recording! Right now, in our deli department, fully-cooked chickens! Come on over and get your chickens! They're hot! They're fresh! And they were alive this morning!

–Pathmark, Cropsey Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Stacy

Announcement over loudspeaker during class: Hello, I'm sorry for the interruption. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go outside, they're about to tow your truck.

–Stuyvesant High School

Loudspeaker: Good afternoon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean "flag football" will meet in the cafeteria immediately following advisory.

–East Side Community High School

The Island of Dr. Wednesday One-Liners

Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep.

–Elevator, 56th & 8th

Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama!

–Terminal 5

Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses?

–Cafe Esperanto

Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator!

–TriBeCa

Overheard by: lalala

Swanky pin-stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.

–51st & 3rd

Overheard by: IG

Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.

–4 Train

Overheard by: BQM lady

Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats!

–Astor Place

Wednesday One-Liners Are So Hot Right Now

Big muscular man on cell: It's so damn hot, I'm glad I'm not wearing makeup.

–Outside Tribeca Deli

Overheard by: Akiko

Conductor: This is 42nd Street, Times Square. Number 3 train across the platform. Get it while it's hot!

–Downtown 1 Train

Elderly black woman to no one in particular: It's so hot my pussy is melting!

–12th & Broadway

Overheard by: lemchek

Enthusiastic girl: As soon as I saw his name in lights! His name is so hot! So I have to marry him!

–Thompson & W 3rd St

Guy: I'm telling ya that it was so damn hot in there that my balls rolled out from under my towel and fell on the floor… like they was trying to escape or something.

–Starbucks

Dude to friend: I wanna say she's hot… But I mean she looks like the type of girl who accepts Discover.

–The Village

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