Archive for the ‘Nazis’ Category

Hitler Did Kin­da Fo­cus on That One Star, Though…

Col­lege kid #1: …and the as­trologers are hav­ing to com­plete­ly change their pre­dic­tions be­cause Plu­to’s not a plan­et any­more.
Col­lege kid #2: That’s crazy.
Ran­dom guy: Don’t make fun of as­trol­o­gy. Hitler took as­trol­o­gy se­ri­ous­ly. So did Ronald Rea­gan. And kings and queens.

–1 train, 116th St

Over­heard by: bluekale
Head­line by: wig­gi­ty

Run­ners-Up:
· “Ac­tu­al­ly, The Queens On­ly Fol­low the Move­ments of Uranus” — John­ny B
· “As­trol­o­gists Pre­dict Ran­dom Man Wear­ing Jack Boots Will Dis­em­bow­el 2 Col­lege Kids” — dante mc­nasty
· “I Thought Ronald Rea­gan Got Rid of All the Queens” — C.J.
· “Just When I Had Heard That Stu­pid­i­ty Was in Ret­ro­grade…” — tm78
· “Nos­trad­um­bass Lives On” — kathy
· “Plu­to Is Just a Mick­ey Mouse Plan­et” — El­liott Sper­ber
· “Tau­rus: Keep Your Wits About You, as True Love Is Around the Cor­ner. Al­so, You Will In­vade Poland.” — Jim C.
· “What Did You Think the Star Wars Pro­gram Was About?” — Tom Dorey

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

Noth­ing Makes Me Come Like Some Zyk­lon, Re­dux

Queer: Why do you like him? The guy be­hind us in the black shirt is so much hot­ter.
Hag: Ew…
Queer: You know I like those big, rough Ger­man types…if he put me in a camp, just imag­ine all the ter­ri­ble things he would do to me.
Hag: …Would you stop star­ing at him?
Queer: I so want him to rape me.
Hag: Get over it, he’s not gay!
Queer: What­ev­er, if we were in prison he’d so be do­ing me.

–Yan­kee Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Smack Jack

Guy: This is go­ing to sound aw­ful but Ryan Gosling was re­al­ly hot in that movie where he played the Nazi with the shaved head.
Girl: Yeah, he was a hot Nazi in that movie. A hotzi, if you will.

–92nd Street Y

Over­heard by: Kel­ly

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Too Cool for Shul

Six-year-old girl to mid­dle-aged pas­sen­ger: Well, I’m Jew­ish, but my par­ents are Aries. So I’m not re­al­ly sure what that makes me.

–Am­trak

Over­heard by: half Jew­ish, half Gem­i­ni

Guy: Oh, I know Jew­ish girls give good head!

–81st & Am­s­ter­dam

Awk­ward Catholic boy: These days there are more Jews in New York than Israel…and they all wor­ship Bar­bara Wal­ters as their Spi­der Queen.

–Steps of The Met

(out­side the Mar­i­onette The­ater’s show­ing of Jack and the Beanstalk)
Four-year-old: Fee fi fo fum, I smell the blood of a Jew­ish man.

–Out­side the Mar­i­onette The­atre, Cen­tral Park

Drunk guy in­side Ger­man bar, point­ing at small guy with a jew­fro: Ju­den!

–Ger­man Beer Gar­den, Williams­burg

Over­heard by: PO­LA

Woman on cell: Well, he was­n’t as forth­com­ing with me as he is with you, prob­a­bly be­cause I keep telling him to stop dat­ing that fat Asian girl and find him­self a nice Jew­ish girl in­stead …

–Broad­way & Prince

When It’s Dry and Ready, with Wednes­day One-Lin­er I Shall Play

Pro­fes­sor: This episode con­tains a bunch of Jew­ish stereo­types, so I want to show a lot of it.

–Lin­coln Cen­ter, Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Hart­ley

Boy with chin­strap and Mc­Dreamy quaff: Yo man, you tellin’ me you nev­er heard the sto­ry about when we got chased down by 1,000 Jews?!

–7‑Eleven, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Bran­di, An­na and a bunch of oth­er peo­ple

Stun­ning black girl with big afro, to neb­bishy guy eat­ing Chi­nese food: I can be Jew­ish in three months. Does it re­quire any mon­ey? No! Fuck you! I can be Jew­ish in three months!

–back gar­den at madame x

Over­heard by: Er­i­ca

Woman walk­ing past Young Franken­stein posters: Oh my god! Mel Brooks is like my fa­vorite old Jew ever!! Well, ex­cept for Moses and Abra­ham.

–Hilton The­ater

Over­heard by: Roy

Hip­ster on cell: Your friend just came up to me, grabbed my nose, and asked, “Are you Jew­ish?”

–Pi­ano’s Lounge

Over­heard by: Brit­tany Smith

Mys­te­ri­ous and in­tense voice amid grunts and groans: Oh yeah! Give it to me, you fuck­ing Jew­ish dick­head!

–Build­ing, 46th & 10th

Over­heard by: Not a Sex­u­al An­ti­Semite