Archive for the ‘News’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Call Them­selves “Pub­li­cists”

An­nounc­er dude: Peo­ple, get the Au­dio Guide! If you don’t you’ll end up up there think­ing, ‘I should have lis­tened to that hand­some, well-spo­ken man down­stairs.’ You’ll be beat­ing your­self for not buy­ing the Au­dio Guide. And I don’t need that on my con­science.

–Em­pire State Build­ing

Over­heard by: George Carsto­cea

Dai­ly News hawk­er: Sign up here for your free sub­scrip­tion to the Dai­ly News! [Mut­ter­ing] We’ll screw you lat­er.

–Out­side Shea Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Mrs. Met

Guy sell­ing com­e­dy show tick­ets: Come on, have a tick­et. If you don’t I’ll stalk you on your My­Space page!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Punkgr­rl

Top of the Rock pro­mot­er guy: Yeah, it’s sup­posed to be, like, the best view or what­ev­er of, uh, I don’t know… [Calls to fel­low pro­mot­er] Yo, man, you ever been up there?

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

Fly­er dude: See the naked cow­boy on stage! Suck­ing cock!

–46th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Ash­ley

Guy sell­ing news­pa­pers: New York Post here! Dai­ly News here! [He’s ig­nored.] New York Post here! Dai­ly News! [Still ig­nored.] George Bush wins the lot­tery! [Still ig­nored.]

–33rd & 7th

Com­e­dy club pro­mot­er: Peo­ple, you got­ta come tonight, be­cause if you don’t my boss is gonna kill me! I work for the mafia!

–Times Square

WEDNES­DAY ONE-LIN­ERS

Cab dri­ver: Jer­sey, Jer­sey! What are you do­ing in New York? Do we go to Jer­sey? No!…unless we have to go to the Great Ad­ven­ture.

–Taxi, 23rd & 7th

NY Post guy: Ex­tra! Ex­tra! Read all about it…Charlie Tu­na, he’s dead! The Gor­ton’s Fish­er­man, he died too. Read it all to­day!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Al­li­son

Bark­er: Tonight on­ly! Spe­cial deal! A free game for White peo­ple! All Cau­casians, one free game!

–Coney Is­land

Over­heard by: Drew

Black guy: ’bout time y’all write tick­ets down­town. I thought y’all on­ly did that shit up in Harlem!

–4th & Bow­ery

Over­heard by: Emi­ly Mc­Combs

Cab­bie: …and those Asians, they are the worst of all. They can’t see. They have no pe­riph­er­al vi­sion. They’ve got rice in their eyes!

–Taxi, Sul­li­van Street

No Com­ment.

NYU girl #1: What the hell is the pro­fes­sor talk­ing about? We can’t use the in­ter­net to do re­search?
NYU girl #2: She does­n’t know what she’s talk­ing about.
NYU girl #1: I mean, an ar­ti­cle in The New York Times is to­tal­ly an aca­d­e­m­ic re­source, even if I look at it on their web page. Does she think The New York Times is­n’t right?
NYU girl #2: Yeah, fuck her!
NYU girl #1: I al­so cit­ed the bible in my pa­per, but that’s to­tal­ly an aca­d­e­m­ic source.

–Wa­ver­ly Place

Like, New York’s Tech­ni­cal­ly a State Of Mind, Right?

Col­lege stu­dent with Boston ac­cent: Yeah, I was read­ing this ar­ti­cle in like Newsweek or some­thing, that ranked the states from smartest to dumb­est. Mass­a­chu­setts was in the top ten.
Col­lege stu­dent with Mi­a­mi ac­cent: What about Flori­da?
Col­lege stu­dent with Boston ac­cent: Flori­da was like, 47.
Col­lege stu­dent with Mi­a­mi ac­cent: Out of how many?

–NYU

Over­heard by: Still Laugh­ing

And a Fu­el In­jec­tion Sys­tem

Hip­ster boy to girl: Af­ter the in­ter­net age and the dig­i­tal age, we are now en­ter­ing the cy­borg age.
Hip­ster girl to boy: Yeah, cy­borgs are to­tal­ly main­stream now. I saw a spe­cial on Fox News all about cy­borgs and it was to­tal­ly main­stream.
Hip­ster boy to girl: My broth­er has an in­sulin pump.

–F Train Plat­form

Over­heard by: sadie