Archive for the ‘Nice People’ Category

They’ve Got Their ‘Good Barista / Bad Barista’ Act Down to a Sci­ence

For­eign­er: Ex­cusa me, sir, I get the milk, yes?
Barista #1 hold­ing steamed milk: No. You or­dered a Doppio. You don’t get no milk in a Doppio.
For­eign­er, hold­ing drink out to Barista #1: But the milk?
Barista #1, cradling milk: No! You don’t get no fuckin’ milk! Or­der a fuckin’ lat­te, and then I’ll give you some of this milk! You can pour your­self some of that stale shit from over there, but you don’t get none of this milk!

Barista #2 grabs cup and pours the cus­tomer some milk.

Barista #2 to Barista #1: Shit, this ain’t Valen­tine’s Day — don’t you get emo­tion­al. It’s some oth­er hol­i­day. Hell, it’s Christ­mas. [To cus­tomer] Here you go, sir! Mer­ry Christ­mas!

–Star­bucks, St. Marks & 3rd Ave

NYC Rules Re­quire at Least One Per­son to Drop the F‑Bomb

Hot hip­pie chick: Ex­cuse me, you need a hand?
Old blind man: Nah, I’m just get­ting to the n train. Thanks so much, though!
Hot hip­pie chick: Al­right, you have a great day!
Blind man: Same to you!
Over­look­ing suit to friend: Nice New Yorkers…they just blow my mind.

–Union Square Sub­way Sta­tion

She Means Non-hairy Food

Hobo la­dy: Can any of y’all help me? I need some food!
Rid­er la­dy: Would you like this?
Hobo la­dy: What the hell is that?
Rid­er la­dy: It’s a ki­wi.
Hobo la­dy: Bitch! I said I need some food!

–1 train

Over­heard by: Owen Ja­cob Ghitel­man

The Ad­vance Scout from Plan­et X Blows Its Cov­er

Guy: You know, they’re giv­ing away mon­ey on the T train for be­ing nice.
Bim­bette: What?
Guy: The T train — they’re giv­ing away mon­ey to peo­ple who are nice.
Bim­bette: Who are?
Guy: The T train.
Bim­bette: How can a train give away mon­ey?
Guy: Not the train. The peo­ple — the train peo­ple.
Bim­bette: Why would they give away mon­ey?
Guy: To en­cour­age peo­ple to be nice. They give it to peo­ple who do nice things.
Bim­bette: Nice things?
Guy: Yeah, like hold­ing open the door, let­ting some­one have your seat — nice things.
Bim­bette: How can they just give away mon­ey?
Guy: It’s not ac­tu­al mon­ey. They’re gift cer­tifi­cates to Dunkin’ Donuts.
Bim­bette: What’s a donut?
Guy: Are you fuck­ing kid­ding me?

–A train

Over­heard by: this imag­i­nary train you speak of sounds nice

I’d pre­fer if you just held me, like all the oth­er times

Hobo: Let me sit in your lap and belch like a naughty girl!
Young man: Okay, now I’m freaked out.

–23rd & 6th

Over­heard by: Zed

Head­line by: tab

Run­ners-Up:
· “But That’s Just The Acid. Have A Seat!” — Lalaith
· “But Not Suf­fi­cient­ly So to De­cline Your Gen­er­ous Of­fer” — andy
· “Dad, Im Get­ting to Old for That!!” — not again!
· “Go Home, Brit­ney.” — EKC
· “It Sucks to Be New York San­ta” — aileen
· “Please Go Back to Hump­ing My Leg.” — Den­nis
· “The Fairy God Hobo Can Make All Your Dreams Come True…” — Uu­largh of the Prairie

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