Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Nice People’ Category

Al­so Why I Stopped Giv­ing Up My Seat to Old Peo­ple on the Bus

(teenagers are pack­ing in­to a crowd­ed sub­way car where a tiny, an­cient-look­ing bag la­dy is pan­han­dling)
Woman try­ing to be help­ful: Hey, hey, slow down, careful–there’s an old la­dy you peo­ple are gonna knock down!
Bag la­dy, shout­ing irate­ly: I’m not old, moth­er­fuck­er!

–S Train

Over­heard by: P. nut

So Prob­a­bly Was Just Very Tan

Black New York­er guy and two white tourist ladies have a lengthy con­ver­sa­tion about dif­fer­ent places to vis­it in NYC.

Black guy: Okay, ladies, this is my stop. Bye!
White tourist la­dy #1: Bye! Have a great day! [To friend, as man de­parts at As­tor Place] I did­n’t feel threat­ened by him at all. He was ac­tu­al­ly a very nice man.

–6 train

Wednes­day Pick-Up-Lin­ers

Guy, bump­ing in­to girl­friend as bus lurch­es: Sor­ry ba­by, that’s grav­i­ty. I can’t help it, I’m phys­i­cal­ly at­tract­ed to you.

–M116 Bus

Over­heard by: I hate the bus

Con­struc­tion work­er hit­ting on young girl: Hey ba­by, you are too cute to be so pret­ty!

–Allen & East Hous­ton

Black bag sell­er to passer­by: Hey sweet­heart, you wan­na buy a bag to­day? I’ll tell you what, you buy a bag and I’ll give you my num­ber for free.

–33rd & Broad­way

Man to teenage girls: Do you and your friends like to wres­tle? I swear to god I could take you all.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: year­book­ie

Homie to friends: They say in the old days you could­n’t even holler at a woman cause she would­n’t an­swer you.

–South Williams­burg

Over­heard by: DanielXY

Home­less man to cute passer­by: Nice knees.

–Cen­tral Park

The Speed of In­for­ma­tion Through Fat Is Dras­ti­cal­ly Re­duced

Hobo, car­ry­ing huge duf­fel bag: I need mon­ey to get to Boston to vis­it my son. Can any­one give me mon­ey?
La­dy: Here’s 20 dol­lars for your tick­et. Al­so, do you think you could run up­stairs and get me a Snap­ple?
Hobo: Sure, la­dy. Thanks so much.

Hobo ditch­es duf­fel bag.

La­dy, 20 min­utes lat­er: Well, I guess he’s not com­ing back!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: cyn­ic

What? My Long Line Jokes Kill at Car­o­line’s

Con­struc­tion guy: Can’t we move this line a lit­tle faster? This line is­n’t mov­ing any­where. What’s with this line?
La­dy: Here, you can go ahead of me.
Con­struc­tion guy: I’m us­ing hu­mor, la­dy. This is just hu­mor. I’m not se­ri­ous here. [Gets in front of her in line.]

–4th St

Over­heard by: the girl who faint­ed at Star­bucks