British tourist to passing New Yorker: Excuse me, could you please tell me where…
New Yorker, walking briskly: Fuck off! I got problems of my own!
–E 77th & 2nd
Overheard by: D M A
Archive for the ‘Nice People’ Category
Queer Eye for the Homeless Guy
A sharply dressed woman offers a pair of gloves to a hobo: Sir, could you use these?
Hobo: Lady, you should know better. Those don’t match my outfit.
–23rd & 7th
Also Why I Stopped Giving Up My Seat to Old People on the Bus
(teenagers are packing into a crowded subway car where a tiny, ancient-looking bag lady is panhandling)
Woman trying to be helpful: Hey, hey, slow down, careful–there’s an old lady you people are gonna knock down!
Bag lady, shouting irately: I’m not old, motherfucker!
–S Train
Overheard by: P. nut
So Probably Was Just Very Tan
Black New Yorker guy and two white tourist ladies have a lengthy conversation about different places to visit in NYC.
Black guy: Okay, ladies, this is my stop. Bye!
White tourist lady #1: Bye! Have a great day! [To friend, as man departs at Astor Place] I didn’t feel threatened by him at all. He was actually a very nice man.
–6 train
Wednesday Pick-Up-Liners
Guy, bumping into girlfriend as bus lurches: Sorry baby, that’s gravity. I can’t help it, I’m physically attracted to you.
–M116 Bus
Overheard by: I hate the bus
Construction worker hitting on young girl: Hey baby, you are too cute to be so pretty!
–Allen & East Houston
Black bag seller to passerby: Hey sweetheart, you wanna buy a bag today? I’ll tell you what, you buy a bag and I’ll give you my number for free.
–33rd & Broadway
Man to teenage girls: Do you and your friends like to wrestle? I swear to god I could take you all.
–Times Square
Overheard by: yearbookie
Homie to friends: They say in the old days you couldn’t even holler at a woman cause she wouldn’t answer you.
–South Williamsburg
Overheard by: DanielXY
Homeless man to cute passerby: Nice knees.
–Central Park
The Ramblings of the Elderly
An old woman is drumming up contributions for the SPCA.
Young Man: Good luck!
Old Woman: We don’t need luck, we need cooperation. Does Bush say good luck to the soldiers? No, he just sends in more troops! Come on! Don’t be a phony.
–Kinko’s, 20th St. and 6th Ave.
Overheard by: Lucian Piane
The Speed of Information Through Fat Is Drastically Reduced
Hobo, carrying huge duffel bag: I need money to get to Boston to visit my son. Can anyone give me money?
Lady: Here’s 20 dollars for your ticket. Also, do you think you could run upstairs and get me a Snapple?
Hobo: Sure, lady. Thanks so much.
Hobo ditches duffel bag.
Lady, 20 minutes later: Well, I guess he’s not coming back!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: cynic
His Mistake Was Leaning in for a Kiss
Hobo: Sir, can I trouble you for a cigarette?
Suit #1: Yeah no problem, man.
Hobo: Have a light, too?
Suit #1: Sure.
Hobo: Thanks, man… get the FUCK outta my face!
Suit #2: Only in NYC, man…
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Rob
I Also Love Gravity Bongs and Our Lord Jesus Christ
Boyfriend: This song was in ‘Beavis and Butt-head do America’!
Girlfriend: Yeah?
Boyfriend: I love that movie … And I love you.
–Dunkin Donuts, 26th & 7th
Overheard by: Kai Nagai-Rothe
Cinderella Y2K5
Man: Are you ok?
Woman: Oh, I’m not drunk, it’s these shoes.
–Marriott Marquis, Times Square
