Archive for the ‘Nostalgia’ Category

Wednesday Doesn't Eat Enough to Keep a One-Liner Alive

Skinny professor: John* [a chubby professor] and I started Weight Watchers together at the same time!

–Hostos Faculty Dining Room

Overheard by: glad she's leaving

Skinny girl to clerk: Hi, do you have a soy-based, non-dairy substitute for heavy cream?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: office peon loves Thanksgiving food

Girl ordering Coffee Coolatta with skim milk: I hope this tastes as good as it did when I was anorexic. Everything tasted good back then…

–Dunkin Donuts, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: allison

Jewish grandmotherly type: Women with anorexia seem to have such strange eating habits.

–Upper West Side

Anorexic-looking girl: I want a tic tac. I'm hungry.

–95th & 2nd

Wednesday One-Liners Use the Socratic Method

Columbia grad student: …developing a really spectacular
sense of intellectual arrogance.

–Columbia University

Professor, receiving text message in class: Ooh. That’s interesting. Invitation to go dancing, not from my girlfriend. Thank God I’ve got permission… We’re never going to get to anything today, are we? I’m so bad at this…

–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

Chinese professor: You see Chinese like tofu, you never use it.

–John Jay College

Overheard by: soccerking3t

Teen guy: So I ended up in a dress. I don’t think English class will ever be the same.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Natasha

Sadistic professor: Unfortunately we don’t flog people anymore. You usually pass out after you finish screaming.

–Fordham, the Bronx

Overheard by: Jess McGins

Drunken pre-med to drunken boy teetering on a concrete railing: Reed, if you fall, I’m not a doctor yet!

–West Village, 8th & 14th

Overheard by: annie

NYU girl to professor: So, if you’re sleeping with Nietzsche, you shouldn’t ask the question, "What are you thinking?"

–NYU classroom, Mercer & Houston

Let’s Not Introduce the Spouses, Okay?

50-year-old man: God, I haven’t see you since we were, what, 21?
50-year-old woman: What was it, 1980? Somewhere around there?
50-year-old man: Remember that Frank Zappa concert we went to at Stonybrook in 1978?
50-year-old woman: Yeah, and who got you those front row seats, motherfucker? Me! I stood on line for 24 hours so I could be the first in line for tickets.
50-year-old man: Remember he pulled you up on stage to sing with him?
50-year-old woman: Sure!
50-year-old man: Well, I have a recording of that. I had a little tape recorder in my pocket and I taped the whole show.
50-year-old woman: You’re gonna make a copy of that tape, aren’t you? I gave you your very first blowjob, remember?
50-year-old man: Believe me, I remember it in every exquisite detail. Yeah, that’s worth a copy of a tape.

–Sardi’s

Overheard by: Big Larry