Archive for the ‘Nostalgia’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Use the So­crat­ic Method

Co­lum­bia grad stu­dent: …de­vel­op­ing a re­al­ly spec­tac­u­lar
sense of in­tel­lec­tu­al ar­ro­gance.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Pro­fes­sor, re­ceiv­ing text mes­sage in class: Ooh. That’s in­ter­est­ing. In­vi­ta­tion to go danc­ing, not from my girl­friend. Thank God I’ve got per­mis­sion… We’re nev­er go­ing to get to any­thing to­day, are we? I’m so bad at this…

–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU

Over­heard by: Matthew K John­son

Chi­nese pro­fes­sor: You see Chi­nese like to­fu, you nev­er use it.

–John Jay Col­lege

Over­heard by: soccerking3t

Teen guy: So I end­ed up in a dress. I don’t think Eng­lish class will ever be the same.

–Stuyvesant High School

Over­heard by: Natasha

Sadis­tic pro­fes­sor: Un­for­tu­nate­ly we don’t flog peo­ple any­more. You usu­al­ly pass out af­ter you fin­ish scream­ing.

–Ford­ham, the Bronx

Over­heard by: Jess Mc­Gins

Drunk­en pre-med to drunk­en boy tee­ter­ing on a con­crete rail­ing: Reed, if you fall, I’m not a doc­tor yet!

–West Vil­lage, 8th & 14th

Over­heard by: an­nie

NYU girl to pro­fes­sor: So, if you’re sleep­ing with Ni­et­zsche, you should­n’t ask the ques­tion, “What are you think­ing?”

–NYU class­room, Mer­cer & Hous­ton

Let’s Not In­tro­duce the Spous­es, Okay?

50-year-old man: God, I haven’t see you since we were, what, 21?
50-year-old woman: What was it, 1980? Some­where around there?
50-year-old man: Re­mem­ber that Frank Zap­pa con­cert we went to at Stony­brook in 1978?
50-year-old woman: Yeah, and who got you those front row seats, moth­er­fuck­er? Me! I stood on line for 24 hours so I could be the first in line for tick­ets.
50-year-old man: Re­mem­ber he pulled you up on stage to sing with him?
50-year-old woman: Sure!
50-year-old man: Well, I have a record­ing of that. I had a lit­tle tape recorder in my pock­et and I taped the whole show.
50-year-old woman: You’re gonna make a copy of that tape, aren’t you? I gave you your very first blowjob, re­mem­ber?
50-year-old man: Be­lieve me, I re­mem­ber it in every ex­quis­ite de­tail. Yeah, that’s worth a copy of a tape.

–Sardi’s

Over­heard by: Big Lar­ry

Ob­ses­sive­ly Gay (for Tad)

Fe­male MTA em­ploy­ee: I ain’t seen you in for­ev­er! Did you start work­ing nights again?
Male MTA em­ploy­ee: Yeah… It was al­right. But then I got bored, so I start­ed watch­ing soap op­eras again. I can’t be­lieve Tad still looks the same.
Fe­male MTA em­ploy­ee: Shit, you like him?
Male MTA em­ploy­ee: Hell yeah, I’m OG.

–4th Ave & 9th St sta­tion

Over­heard by: Ta­co­log­ic

The U.S. Patent Of­fice Found the Idea Tough to Swal­low

Dude #1: Shit, man, they don’t give blowjobs like that any­more.
Dude #2: Yeah, man… The lost gold­en age of blowjobs.
Dude #1: Dude, we should fig­ure out a way to sell like, “clas­sic blowjobs.” We’d make a shit-ton of mon­ey. Every dude would want one!
Dude #2: Clas­sic blowjobs? How the fuck we gonna do that?
Dude #1: Pimp it out, man! Pimp it out! (pause) Un­less that shit’s patent­ed, or some shit.

–Crowd­ed Down­town 2 Train