Archive for the ‘Not New York’ Category

Let’s Get Ready to Wednes­day One-Li­i­i­i­i­i­i­i­i­in­er!

Chick on cell: It at­tacked me this morn­ing. I at­tacked it this af­ter­noon.

–113th St

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Six-year-old boy on train plat­form to grown man eye­ing him: Stop look­ing at me or I’m go­ing to beat you up!

–NJ Tran­sit

Over­heard by: Turn­ing away now.

Hip­ster on cell: Wait…so he hit you with the broom first, right?

–60th & Lex

Over­heard by: Easy Does It

Shop­per on her cell: If one of these lit­tle kids steps on my toes one more time I’m gonna pinch the moth­er­fuck­ers.

–Ikea in Red Hook

Woman in bath­room: No, there’s no toi­let pa­per. You wan­na throw down?

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Clear­ly the Googleion­aires Have Nev­er Walked the NYC Streets

Date: Tue, 2 Aug 2005 11:51:21 ‑0700
From: Google Ad­Sense
To: [email protected]
Sub­ject: Google Ad­Sense Ac­count Sta­tus
Cc: Google Ad­Sense

Hel­lo Steven,

Thank you for your in­ter­est in Google Ad­Sense. Af­ter re­view­ing your ap­pli­ca­tion, our pro­gram spe­cial­ists have found that it does not com­ply with our poli­cies. There­fore, we’re un­able to ac­cept you in­to Google Ad­Sense at this time.

We did not ap­prove your ap­pli­ca­tion for the rea­sons list­ed be­low. If you are able to re­solve these is­sues, please feel free to re­ply to this email for re­con­sid­er­a­tion when you have made the changes.


- In­ap­pro­pri­ate lan­guage


Fur­ther de­tail:

In­ap­pro­pri­ate lan­guage: We’ve found that your web­site con­tains con­tent that is­n’t in com­pli­ance with our pro­gram poli­cies. We don’t al­low web­sites with ex­ces­sive pro­fan­i­ty or po­ten­tial­ly of­fen­sive con­tent to par­tic­i­pate in Google Ad­Sense. Please re­view our policies( for a com­plete list of site con­tent not al­lowed on web pages.

[Sure­ly they don’t mean “nig­ga”? –Ed.]

You know you’re Not in New York when… (Part Eight)

Bus-dri­ver in Van­cou­ver: “The BC gov­ern­ment re­cent­ly did a study about fraud on the bus sys­tem, and the com­pa­ny they hired con­clud­ed that 3% of the rid­ers take ad­van­tage of the sys­tem. But dri­ving this bus every day, I see that it is re­al­ly 30–40%. The news­pa­pers say that Cana­di­ans are so good but it’s not true!”

The Wednes­day One-Lin­er Mono­logues

Drunk hip­ster: Since when did the vagi­na be­come the font of all moral­i­ty?

–110th & Am­s­ter­dam

Girl run­ning in pa­ja­mas: Oh my god my vagi­na is so cold!

–50th St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: Matt

Girl pro­claim­ing: I saw the vagi­na.


Act­ing stu­dent: You have a vagi­na and he’s all in­to that. I have a pe­nis and he’s not all in­to that. That’s why you have to do this for me.

–Arch­bold The­ater

Over­heard by: nice

Crazy black woman: I know my pussy! You don’t know my pussy! Ha­ha! You can’t say you know my pussy, I know my pussy! Ha­ha, hah! If you can’t find my pussy, you can’t say you’re not too big!

–114th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Xi­ao Hoah Dze

Non­de­script guy on cell phone: So, were the vagi­nas ok?

–55th St & 8th

And Just in the Nick of Time

Girl #1: So I’m hook­ing up with two guys named Nick…bad idea.
Girl #2: Why?
Girl #1: Well I gave Nick #2 my num­ber and I got a text from some­one who I thought was Nick #2. Turns out it was Nick #1 all along.
Girl #2: What hap­pened?
Girl #1: So I went to Nick #2’s house, as­sum­ing it was him from the text. I got there, and it’s two girls sit­ting in the bed, Nick­’s friend and Nick, all in pa­ja­mas. Nick #2 pulls me aside, asks what I’m do­ing there, and I showed him the texts. It was­n’t him, it was Nick #1, from his friends phone.
Girl #2: Looks like you’re back to just one Nick now!

–Metro North, Stan­ford Line

Over­heard by: Girl 3