Archive for the ‘Nudity’ Category

What What (In the Wednesday One-Liners)

Drunk-looking girl on cell: … And I just received a postcard of butts! Things are looking up!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Ladle

Angry soccer mom: Whoever has his or her hand on my ass, you better be one of my kids.

–Staten Island Ferry

Chick on cell: Ew! Ass striations?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ladle

College girl: I slept at Steve’s dorm. Needless to say, my ass cleared every surface he had in that room. Twice.

–Downtown B Train

Overheard by: Pola

Tall guy on cell: Listen, if you want a white woman to show you her ass all you gotta do is pull out a camera. They drop their panties in a second, at least that’s what I tell the committee.

–Starbucks, Columbus Circle

Conductor over loudspeaker: Aaaand next stop… Yo’ mama’s ass!

–F Train from Queens

Overheard by: Tina K

Wednesday One-Liners Better Not End Up on the Internet

30-something on cell: Mom, he came over and took a picture of my toilet!

–Spring & Greene

20-something chick: First of all, who poses bare-ass naked on a car in a Wal-Mart parking lot? Secondly, who bleaches their asshole? Third, who takes a picture of it and e-mails it to all their friends?!

–113th, between Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Queer: He photographs really poorly. That’s a big problem for me…

–Starbucks, Washington Square

Overheard by: jess

Woman to friend: You know, just because I work with her doesn’t mean I have to look at photos of her placenta.

–34th & 3rd

Overheard by: X. L. Percy

Wednesday One-Liners Put Them on One Leg at a Time

Boy to girl: Does it look like my ass is eating my pants?

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie

Eight-year old girl: It’s not me, it’s the pants! It’s the pants!

–81st & Roosevelt Ave

Overheard by: Jobee

Woman on cell: No. No. Absolutely not. Look, would you please put some pants on?

–8th & Broadway

Cop to his cop friends: My buns don’t look good in these pants. But hey, what can you do? It’s part of the uniform.

–Times Square Shuttle Station

Overheard by: Heather

Girl on cell: Do you have to shit? Oh… So go in your pants!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Shira

Incredulous thug to friend: You drop your pants to hop the train?

–W. Houston & 1st Ave

Overheard by: Jon A.

Clay was at the Bottom of the Contestants

Queer #1: …Well, he’s going to start his own porn company and he asked me to shoot for it.
Queer #2: So are you going to do it?
Queer #1: Hell, yeah! And I get to go auditions and sit there like Simon Cowell and be like, “You’re hot; you’re gross.”
Queer #2: So when they do auditions do they make them try out and do blowjobs and stuff?
Queer #1: No I just think they make them get naked.

–F train

Overheard by: Joe M.

Wednesday One-Liners Call Themselves “Publicists”

Announcer dude: People, get the Audio Guide! If you don’t you’ll end up up there thinking, ‘I should have listened to that handsome, well-spoken man downstairs.’ You’ll be beating yourself for not buying the Audio Guide. And I don’t need that on my conscience.

–Empire State Building

Overheard by: George Carstocea

Daily News hawker: Sign up here for your free subscription to the Daily News! [Muttering] We’ll screw you later.

–Outside Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Mrs. Met

Guy selling comedy show tickets: Come on, have a ticket. If you don’t I’ll stalk you on your MySpace page!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Punkgrrl

Top of the Rock promoter guy: Yeah, it’s supposed to be, like, the best view or whatever of, uh, I don’t know… [Calls to fellow promoter] Yo, man, you ever been up there?

–Rockefeller Center

Flyer dude: See the naked cowboy on stage! Sucking cock!

–46th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ashley

Guy selling newspapers: New York Post here! Daily News here! [He’s ignored.] New York Post here! Daily News! [Still ignored.] George Bush wins the lottery! [Still ignored.]

–33rd & 7th

Comedy club promoter: People, you gotta come tonight, because if you don’t my boss is gonna kill me! I work for the mafia!

–Times Square

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