Archive for the ‘Nurses’ Category

Meds­day One-Lin­ers

Ra­di­ol­o­gy nurse: I have been asked out be­fore. But nev­er while giv­ing a bar­i­um en­e­ma!

–Ra­di­ol­o­gy Med­ical Of­fice, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Pa­per

Doc­tor on cell: I have to get ori­ent­ed as to the lo­ca­tion of those ca­dav­ers!

–3rd Ave, Near Cabri­ni Med­ical Cen­ter

Old­er doc­tor to younger doc­tor in a group: You ac­tu­al­ly tried to get a der­ma­tol­ogy con­sul­tant to come in the mid­dle of the night? That was pret­ty dumb. You know those guys would­n’t get out of their Shea but­ter body wraps un­less the world was end­ing.

–Kings Coun­ty Emer­gency Room

Suit to la­dy friend: If you re­al­ly want­ed to smoke crack you’d go to the hos­pi­tal!

–Nas­sau St & Ann St

Over­weight girl to fe­male friend: Wan­na play gy­ne­col­o­gist?

–St. Mark’s Place

Over­heard by: Sarah Booz

I Smell Ro­man­tic Com­e­dy Gold!

Nurse #1: Fuck, I hate Mr. Williams. That fuck­er won’t shut the hell up. Every time he’s here he wants me to be his nurse.
Nurse #2, laugh­ing: Mr. Williams likes you.
Nurse #3: I don’t know why you’re laugh­ing, Mary. At least she does­n’t have an 80-year-old dyke putting the moves on her.

–South Ward, Al­bert Ein­stein Hos­pi­tal

Doc­tor, It Hurts When I Wednes­day My One-Lin­ers!

White col­lege girl: I would def­i­nite­ly want to be a doc­tor, if I did­n’t have to go to med­ical school.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Nurse to an­oth­er: Well, it seems that the themes of the day were UTIs and preg­nan­cies.

–NYU Stu­dent Health Cen­ter

Over­heard by: had nei­ther

Black male pre-teen to moth­er: I know all about doc­tors, ’cause I watch shows about that. (pause) Ac­tu­al­ly, I watch Dr Phil.

–1 Train

Guy to two girls: I had to fire my doc­tor, I did­n’t like what he told me.

–39th & Lex­ing­ton

Doc­tor, draw­ing on nap­kin and dis­play­ing re­sults to stu­dent: This is you…in 40 years, in a fugue state. In Turkey. Dis­so­cia­tive fugue–learn neu­rol­o­gy!

–168th & Fort Wash­ing­ton

Can Civ­il En­gi­neer­ing Cor­rect This Lack Of Ci­vil­i­ty? Dis­cuss.

(nurse with el­der­ly la­dy on wheel­chair comes against Asian Amer­i­can preg­nant woman with ba­by in stroller)
Nurse: Oh my, I’m sor­ry! (pulls back to let woman and child pass)
Asian Amer­i­can preg­nant woman: Oh, I’m sor­ry, I can…
Se­nile old la­dy: Get out of the way, chink!
(in­fant cries)
Asian Amer­i­can preg­nant woman: Ex­cuse me?
Nurse: Oh my god! I’m so sor­ry.
Se­nile old la­dy: Don’t apol­o­gize!
(nurse backs up and lets moth­er and child through)

–Wash­ing­ton Square Vil­lage

Over­heard by: zgold­berg

Ex­plains Why You Put In­ter­na­tion­al Postage on Every­thing Out­side Of Man­hat­tan

Sec­re­tary: What are you do­ing for Thanks­giv­ing?
Nurse: My hus­band and I are go­ing to North Car­oli­na to vis­it his fam­i­ly. Why? What are you do­ing? Do you want to come with us?
Sec­re­tary: No. I can’t. I don’t have a pass­port.
Nurse: Uh.

–NYU Can­cer Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Des­tiny Traphofn­er