Archive for the ‘Nurses’ Category

I Smell Romantic Comedy Gold!

Nurse #1: Fuck, I hate Mr. Williams. That fucker won’t shut the hell up. Every time he’s here he wants me to be his nurse.
Nurse #2, laughing: Mr. Williams likes you.
Nurse #3: I don’t know why you’re laughing, Mary. At least she doesn’t have an 80-year-old dyke putting the moves on her.

–South Ward, Albert Einstein Hospital

Doctor, It Hurts When I Wednesday My One-Liners!

White college girl: I would definitely want to be a doctor, if I didn't have to go to medical school.

–Fordham University

Nurse to another: Well, it seems that the themes of the day were UTIs and pregnancies.

–NYU Student Health Center

Overheard by: had neither

Black male pre-teen to mother: I know all about doctors, 'cause I watch shows about that. (pause) Actually, I watch Dr Phil.

–1 Train

Guy to two girls: I had to fire my doctor, I didn't like what he told me.

–39th & Lexington

Doctor, drawing on napkin and displaying results to student: This is you…in 40 years, in a fugue state. In Turkey. Dissociative fugue–learn neurology!

–168th & Fort Washington

Can Civil Engineering Correct This Lack Of Civility? Discuss.

(nurse with elderly lady on wheelchair comes against Asian American pregnant woman with baby in stroller)
Nurse: Oh my, I'm sorry! (pulls back to let woman and child pass)
Asian American pregnant woman: Oh, I'm sorry, I can…
Senile old lady: Get out of the way, chink!
(infant cries)
Asian American pregnant woman: Excuse me?
Nurse: Oh my god! I'm so sorry.
Senile old lady: Don't apologize!
(nurse backs up and lets mother and child through)

–Washington Square Village

Overheard by: zgoldberg

Explains Why You Put International Postage on Everything Outside Of Manhattan

Secretary: What are you doing for Thanksgiving?
Nurse: My husband and I are going to North Carolina to visit his family. Why? What are you doing? Do you want to come with us?
Secretary: No. I can't. I don't have a passport.
Nurse: Uh.

–NYU Cancer Center

Overheard by: Destiny Traphofner

Next Guy in Line: “Laid!

Old man: Wait–what you think you doing? This here's the line!
Lady in nurse scrubs: I just want to get a passport application.
Old man: Well, I just want to get a box. Everybody in this line just wants to get something.
(turns to next person in line)
Old man: What you want to get?
Next person in line: Some stamps.
Following person in line: A money order.
Old man: See, honey–they all just want to get something!

–Post Office, Bed-Stuy

Overheard by: Tigertail

Night-Night, Wednesday-One-Liner Tight!

20-something girl: I mean, I can always sleep on top of him.

–Strawberry's, Queens Centre Mall

Overheard by: i like that option…

Man to friend: I keep having dreams about being with other women, and I've never had them before. I think it must be the time of year or something.

–Hudson River Park

Girl on cell: Well, he slipped me Ecstasy while I was sleeping…

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Guy on cell: That's awesome! (pause) That's awesome! (pause) Dude, that's like reverse Sleepaway Camp!

–27th & 2nd

Overheard by: liz

Nurse: I just want to stop having dreams of him saying "pap-smear pap-smear pap-smear…"

–Columbia University

Overheard by: p y l