Archive for the ‘Nurses’ Category

Next Guy in Line: “Laid!

Old man: Wait–what you think you do­ing? This here’s the line!
La­dy in nurse scrubs: I just want to get a pass­port ap­pli­ca­tion.
Old man: Well, I just want to get a box. Every­body in this line just wants to get some­thing.
(turns to next per­son in line)
Old man: What you want to get?
Next per­son in line: Some stamps.
Fol­low­ing per­son in line: A mon­ey or­der.
Old man: See, honey–they all just want to get some­thing!

–Post Of­fice, Bed-Stuy

Over­heard by: Tiger­tail

Night-Night, Wednes­day-One-Lin­er Tight!

20-some­thing girl: I mean, I can al­ways sleep on top of him.

–Straw­ber­ry’s, Queens Cen­tre Mall

Over­heard by: i like that op­tion…

Man to friend: I keep hav­ing dreams about be­ing with oth­er women, and I’ve nev­er had them be­fore. I think it must be the time of year or some­thing.

–Hud­son Riv­er Park

Girl on cell: Well, he slipped me Ec­sta­sy while I was sleep­ing…

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Guy on cell: That’s awe­some! (pause) That’s awe­some! (pause) Dude, that’s like re­verse Sleep­away Camp!

–27th & 2nd

Over­heard by: liz

Nurse: I just want to stop hav­ing dreams of him say­ing “pap-smear pap-smear pap-smear…”

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: p y l

How Was Your Mar­tin Luther King Day, New York?

Nurse to Asian woman at free blood pres­sure screen­ing: Ma’am, you need to get your high blood pres­sure checked out by a doc­tor.
Asian woman: No Eng­lish.
El­der­ly black woman: I speak Chi­nese.
Nurse: Re­al­ly?
El­der­ly black woman: Yeah. Ching-ching-ching!


Over­heard by: Lis­aG

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Ann Coul­ter

Old guy on phone: All I’ve done is live in a bitchy bitchy bitchy world.


Over­heard by: Danielle

Ghet­to guy to an­oth­er: A bitch in a wheel­chair can still suck a dick!

–25th St & 6th Ave

Wife to hus­band: You do the thinkin’, I’ll do the bitchin’.

–84th & 2nd

Over­heard by: Val

Male scrub nurse: Yeah, he’s in that bitch right now. (fe­male scrub nurse looks shocked, male scrub nurse wig­gles fin­gers on both hands) Yeah, he’s in there.

–Mount Sinai Hos­pi­tal

Over­heard by: and by

Thug to friend: Yeah my homegirl…she’s a slut­ty bitch, but she’s good peo­ple.

–Q Train

…Four or Five Hours Af­ter You Re­port Them

Woman with mi­graine: Help me! I’m dy­ing! I’m dy­ing!
Triage nurse: Al­right ma’am, just calm down and tell me what the prob­lem is.
Woman with mi­graine: I’m fuck­ing dy­ing, what are you, stu­pid?
Triage nurse: Well, as soon as you de­vel­op some signs or symp­toms oth­er than be­ing ob­nox­ious, we’ll talk.

–NYU Med­ical Cen­ter ER

Over­heard by: Turn their an­kles

Could You Stop Demon­strat­ing on Me?

Nurs­ing stu­dent: Can any­one on this bus tell me why my teacher stuck his bare un­gloved fin­ger up this guy’s rec­tum?!
(a cou­ple of sec­onds lat­er)
Nurs­ing stu­dent: I saw some la­dy’s uterus fall out of her vagi­na to­day, while giv­ing birth.
Nurse al­so on bus: You are be­ing re­al­ly in­ap­pro­pri­ate to­day.

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: Au­drey