Archive for the ‘NYC Geography’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers are Part of New York City… Tech­ni­cal­ly

Hip­ster girl: ‘Flush­ing Queens’ would be a great name for a man.

–Barnard Col­lege

Over­heard by: Beau­ti­ful Barnard Woman

Drunk dude watch­ing girl rip the shirt off a guy: What, no blood? Queens is lame.

–Shea Sta­di­um

Boyfriend to girl­friend: Pre­pare to be blown away by the majesty of Queens!

–E train plat­form, Penn Sta­tion

Con­duc­tor: This is a Queens-bound A train.

–Brook­lyn-bound A train

Over­heard by: Mag­gie

Con­duc­tor: This is a Queens-bound… No, Man­hat­tan-bound… No, Queens… Wait, hang on. This is a Man­hat­tan-bound E train. Next stop: 53rd and Lex… Shit.

–Man­hat­tan-bound E train, 53rd & Lex

An­nounce­ment over the sub­way: This is not the Queens-bound E train. [Half the train emp­ties] This is the Queens-bound E train.

–E train, Penn Sta­tion

Wel­come to the Wednes­day One-Lin­er Po­si­tion­ing Sys­tem

Girl on cell, look­ing for her friends: Can you see me? Look at the sun, I’m di­rect­ly un­der it right now.

–Sheep Mead­ow, Cen­tral Park

Guy on cell: Yeah, we’ll go now. Okay. Right now, I’m at 116 and Hamsterdam–Hamsterdam? What the fuck did I just say? Oh, wow, that is a dis­turb­ing men­tal im­age. Yeah, ex­act­ly. Riv­er full of ham­sters. Okay, see ya.

–116th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: That would be tru­ly ter­ri­fy­ing.

Harlem woman on cell: Come find me! I’m on the down­town side of the street!

–East Side

Drunk guy on cell: Yo, I’m on the cor­ner of fuckin’ some­thin’ an some­thin’.

–42nd St & 5th Ave

Drunk on cell: Where am I? Where am I? I’m at the cor­ner of Charles Street and moth­er­fuck­ing I don’t know!

–West Vil­lage

Woman to friends: Oh thank god! I feel so much safer now that we’re at 7th Av­enue.

–G Train

The Gates Changed New York For­ev­er

El­der­ly woman: Ex­cuse me, do you know where 81st Street is? We’re try­ing to get to the high­est point in the park to see The Gates.

A NY­er points out the way. Af­ter she leaves, he says: I’m pret­ty sure I gave her the wrong di­rec­tions, but I think she’s high enough.

–The Ram­ble

Over­heard by: Nathan K. Claus

Guy: Man, this will re­al­ly put New York back on the map.

–The Gates

Suit: Ex­cuse me, I want­ed to ask you about your [big or­ange] wig. Are you ad­vo­cat­ing your sup­port for The Gates or are you com­ment­ing on how crazy and triv­ial they are?
Guy: Uh…what wig?

–The Gates

Over­heard by: Greg Rut­ter

Boy: Mom! Was that “art”?
Moth­er: No, Michael. That was laun­dry.

–Cen­tral Park

Over­heard by: Darko Vraither

Old woman #1: Is­n’t it love­ly?
Old woman #2: Well, I would­n’t call it art, but I’m cer­tain­ly glad New York has some­thing to amuse it dur­ing the month of Feb­ru­ary.

–Mo­MA roof

Over­heard by: Michael Bra­cy

The Wednes­day One-lin­ers NYC Tour Guide

Black woman: This here is Chelsea. It’s where all the rich ho­mo­sex­u­als live.

–18th Street be­tween 7th & 8th

Teenage kid: There are some hot Chi­nese bitch­es at this stop, son!

–Ful­ton Street G sta­tion

Over­heard by: Thomas Bugarin

Woman: Well, I’m in So­ho now…

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Davis Mc­Davis

Queer: Oh, I went to Queens once. By ac­ci­dent. I was com­ing back from La Guardia and the taxi dri­ver said he was tak­ing me on a short­cut.

–Starlight, Av­enue A

Over­heard by: Lukas

Thug: Next stop: Ghet­toville, USA! That’s re­al Amer­i­ca, none of this Japan­ese-Amer­i­can bull­shit. Mmmm…smell that? Smells like the East Vil­lage!

–A train

Guy: This is the new Wall Street Times build­ing.

–41st & 8th con­struc­tion site

Man: See, that’s the one. If I was gonna write it a let­ter, I would be­gin, “Dear Ugli­est Build­ing in New York City”.

–West­in Ho­tel, Times Square

Over­heard by: Kay­la Ca­gan

Guy on cell: Bond Street? It’s north of Hous­ton Street so it’s not in So­ho. But I don’t know what the neigh­bor­hood is called.

–City Hall Park

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Hang Weird Shit on Their Mir­rors

Cab dri­ver, get­ting cut off: Yeah, dri­ve like you want that cheese­burg­er!

–Colum­bus Cir­cle

Cab­bie: I got in some trou­ble and my wife threw all my clothes out of the house. I nev­er re­al­ized how many clothes I have! I know New York streets bet­ter than my own clos­et! (laughs)

–Cab, Broad­way & Hous­ton

Cab dri­ver to col­league who just honked af­ter he stopped for a pedes­tri­an: What, you want me to kill him?

–Bat­tery Park

Mid­dle East­ern cab dri­ver: I used to have a video store in Wash­ing­ton Heights. But the black bas­tard put me out of busi­ness! Can you be­lieve it? Af­ter ten years the black bas­tard put me out of busi­ness! Do you now the black bas­tard on Dy­ck­man? C’­mon! Every­body knows the back bas­tard! Black bas­tard! Black bas­tard video!

–Cab, Wash­ing­ton Heights

Over­heard by: Gene Gray

Cab dri­ver: When you dri­ve for ten hours a day, you learn that over 50% of dri­vers are, how do you say it…stupid.

–Queens

Over­heard by: Fi­as­co

News­Flash: New Jer­sey Builds Im­mi­gra­tion Wall

Yup­pie on cell cut­ting long line, to cashier: I’d like to buy some cook­ies.
Cashier: Um, the line starts back there, sir.
Yup­pie, in­to cell: I hate the fuck­ing East Side. Every­one thinks they’re hot shit. I can’t fig­ure out this fuck­ing line — all I want to do is buy some fuck­ing cook­ies… New Jer­sey is my des­tiny.

–Bak­ery, 70th & Lex