Archive for the ‘NYC Geography’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Kings Coun­ty

Schol­ar: Brook­lyn is the Paris of New York.

–Grand Army Plaza Sta­tion, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: iv­el

Crazy: Fuck Brook­lyn! I can pay for Brook­lyn on any oth­er day. Yes, that’s right — I’m a black man, and I am not go­ing to Brook­lyn. What do you know about that! And you, you’re a Jew. I’ll still pray for you. Wher­ev­er we end up, I’ll still pray for you. Fuck all you peo­ple. Ex­cept you, Jew. I love you.

–L train from 6th Ave to 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Nash As­tor

Girl: I just don’t like liv­ing in Brook­lyn. My place is, like, four whole blocks away from Dunkin’ Donuts.

–Tena­cious D al­bum sign­ing, Vir­gin Mega­s­tore

Guy: So­bri­ety is my back, I am the camel, and Brook­lyn is the straw.

–A/C/E sub­way plat­form, Low­er West Side

Over­heard by: Ma­g­a­ret

La­dy: I like the brown eggs more than the white. Well, I have 12 at home in my fridge — it’s like Brook­lyn in there.

–15th St & Union Square West

His­to­ry Is an Un­bro­ken Chain of Irony

Ger­man tourist #1: We went to the Jew­ish Her­itage Mu­se­um yes­ter­day and the se­cu­ri­ty was crazy! The met­al de­tec­tor re­act­ed to the but­ton of my jeans, they did­n’t let me car­ry my bag, and I had to hand in my jack­et as well. They did­n’t even do that when we toured the UN build­ing!
Ger­man tourist #2: Maybe you were just racial­ly pro­filed.

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Pre­fer Om­a­ha

Tourist: I don’t like this train line. On the L line they have bench­es so that you can kneel down and pray… And they don’t have crevices dig­ging in­to your ass and shit.

–1 train

Tourist girl: Let’s go to the Up­per Wet Side.

–Palace The­atre, Broad­way

Tourist: You haven’t been raped and stabbed ’til you’ve been raped and stabbed in New York.

–Cen­tral Park

Dude with huge back­pack, clutch­ing a map: Some­times you just don’t want to see a huge ball of twine, y’­know? It’s, like, 200 miles away. [Guy next to him nods head vig­or­ous­ly.]

–Man­hat­tan-bound L train

Mid­dle-aged tourist on cell: No, we got­ta go to Penn Cen­tral. Trust me, I know this place — we got­ta get to Penn Cen­tral.

–Penn Sta­tion