Girl #1: Stuart kissed me full on the mouth.
Girl #2: Did he mean it?
Girl #1: He said it was an accident; he was going for my cheek.
Girl #2: That happened to me once when I was kissing my father.
–St. Marks Place
Archive for the ‘NYU’ Category
A Kappa and the Bee
Sorority girl #1 texting on cell: I hate how words can sometimes spell other words.
Sorority girl #2: Yeah, I know.
–NYU
With This Ring, I Thee Wednesday One-Liner
Woman on phone: The point is, I asked you to marry me and you hesitated. You hesitated!
–Grand Central Terminal
Acting professor: Act as if you’re fascinated by what they’re saying, while thinking about something else. That’s what boys learn to do when they get married.
–NYU
Overheard by: Lisa
Man, advising another flirting with hot woman: You gotta go for it–unless she’s married!
–2 Train
Five-year-old boy to another: Yeah, well… I’ll let you marry my daughter!
–10th St & University
Overheard by: Ricky
Man to male friend: So basically, I took her to a gay bar on our wedding night.
–Central Park
Chick to guy: Are we *seriously* arguing about whether or not aunt Jemima would support gay marriage?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Ladle
What? I Thought This Was a Safe Space.
Female art student: I love people who fit into a stereotype!
Flamingly gay art student: I like being racist.
Female art student: What?!
–NYU
Isn’t That, Like, Spanish or Something?
College student #1: Yeah, it was in Brooklyn. I had to take, like, the L. I’ve never even heard of that!
College student #2: The L? Wow!
–NYU
I Haven’t Felt That Way Since Dorothy Threw the Bucket on Me
Professor, after student coughs: Yes. Yes. I’m just getting over my cold. You saw me! In the theater, I was a row ahead of you!
Student: Yeah…
Professor, with infinite sadness: I had a coughing fit. I…I just…melted. I melted.
–NYU
You’ve Been Waiting for an Excuse to Use That One, Haven’t You?
NYU girl: I’m not surprised that she has mono. I mean, she’s been a slut for a while now. It was bound to catch up with her.
Friend: Yeah, she’s a reverse jukebox.
NYU girl: A what?
Friend: You know how you put money into a jukebox and it makes noise? Guys put their dicks in her to make her shut the fuck up.
–NYU Silver Center
Now I Just Need to Find Someone Who Enjoys Pushing Them
Chick #1: Wow, I like your pants.
Chick #2: Thanks. I’m a really big fan of superfluous buttons.
–NYU
Wednesday One-liners Move to the Big Apple
Girl on cell: No, no, I’m not anywhere near there…No, I’m in Manhattan City, visiting a school.
–NYU Bookstore, Washington Place
Overheard by: Meghan
Hope You’re Not Looking for a Virgin at NYU
(hipster walks in wearing bright turquoise unicorn hat)
Professor: Are you pledging something?
Hipster: No, I am a unicorn.
–NYU Silver Building
Overheard by: sarah
