Chick: Are you sure you’re not gay?
Hipster dude: Yes.
Chick: But you’re so picky and shallow about girls.
Hipster dude: No, I’m not.
Chick: You said you wouldn’t date Kelsey because she has dirt under her nails.
Hipster dude: Well, yeah!
Chick: See?
Hipster dude: No.
–NYU
Girl #1: You know what I like? Sleep sex.
Girl #2: Sleep sex? What’s that?
Girl #1: You know… Like, when you’re asleep, and you wake up, and you’re having sex.
Girl #2: You mean like rape?
–NYU Library
Overheard by: Kent by Day
Young woman: I really want a boyfriend who is mean, who can say that, “I’m gonna kill him” and then looks down at his hand, and that laughs.
Older woman nods.
Young woman: You know, like those villians in movies with that grin, not the crazy ones who laugh but the ones who grin.
–NYU gym locker room
Asian nerd #1: … Of course, ’cause I’d rather all of them have my DNA and not some other random person’s!
Asian nerd #2: No, of course, dude, I totally agree.
–NYU
Girl on cell: So I told her I didn’t think George Washington was a cannibal.
–Barnes & Noble, Staten Island
Overheard by: Marina Tricorico
Asian girl to friend: You know, if he really likes you, he’d eat you.
–Coles Sports Center
Overheard by: Alice Huang
Hysterical woman screaming at cops: She bit me! I did not touch her!
–84th & Broadway
Overheard by: rachel
Dude: Remember that crazy condo lady? She totally ate my ass on the first date.
–Chelsea
20-something guy on cell: have you ever tasted pee before?! Word?!
–Spring & W Broadway
Three-year-old girl: Daddy, I’m eating your eyeballs!
–R Train
Overheard by: Jon A.
Girl #1: So he just made up lies about her? What an asshole!
Girl #2: Well, they aren’t necessarily lies…
Girl #1: You mean it’s true?
Girl #2: Think about it. (pause) I mean, she’s so skinny. And they’re so perky.
–NYU Silver Center
Guy on cell: In a wig, with his pants down, watching her from his car.
–33rd St, Astoria
Overheard by: Ferna
Teen to another: Barack Obama said, “pull your pants up!”
–Broadway & 72nd St
NYU girl: I wanna do it, and I wanna do it in my pants box.
–Weinstein Hall, NYU
Border’s employee to man sleeping in chair: Sir, could you please wake up? …and also zip up your pants.
–Borders
Guy on phone: Well, I guess I thought you might be kind of gay after you invited me to that “no pants” party.
–Astoria
Girl: Why do you like her so much?
Guy: She’s just so weird-looking!
–NYU
Conductor: Vomiting is prohibited on this train. Please, no vomiting on this train.
–LIRR
Conductor: There are only three reasons for an empty train car. A) it smells. B) it’s hot. C) someone threw up.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Laura
Gay NYU student: I’ve already been through the cycle. Eat, vom, feel better about life.
–Tisch Hall, NYU
Conductor: There will be no vomiting on this train. Repeat. There will be no vomiting on this train. (short pause) If you have to vomit, vomit on yourself.
–LIRR, Drunk Train
Overheard by: Jason
Girl to two guy friends: Last night I was traveling back on the train, and there was, like, an airsick bag in the thing and I got a craving for Gardetto’s, because the last time we were traveling… (becomes inaudible)
–Atlantic & Bond, Boerum Hill
Overheard by: Rich Mintz
Boyfriend to wasted girlfriend: Baby, I swear. This is the best place in New York to throw up. (girlfriend pukes)
–MacDougal St, The Village
Overheard by: Reid Rogers
Old Jewish lady to moron who parked in the walkway: Move your vehicle! Citizen’s arrest! Get the fuck out of my way!
–Brooklyn
Cop over squad car loudspeaker, to a cab driver: You’ve got to be kidding! Pull over your car now.
–74th St & Park Ave
Guy on cell: Driving? No, we shouldn’t take cars. Because people are gonna be drinkin’ and poppin’ pills and I want everyone to be safe!
–Union Square
Overheard by: rpk
Professor: So how many of you drive pick-up trucks?… Oh wait we’re in New York City, don’t see many pick-up trucks here… And why is that? Well of course it’s because you’d park your car one night and the next morning a small family of three will have a tent pitched in the back. Now there’s an awkward conversation… “Uhm excuse me, good morning but I kiiiind of need to drive to work so if you could unpitch the tent… That’d be excellent.”
–St. John’s University, Queens
NYU girl on cell: No! I told you I wanted four doors! OK, love you, bye. (hangs up phone) Seriously, I told my dad I have too many friends for a two door, but that’s all he’s looking at! It’s like he’s not even buying the car for me. He’s so selfish!
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: Angie
Older woman on line at the Guggenheim to young British male who has been talking with a friend: “I programmed my car to sound just like you!”
–89th St & 5th Ave
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist