Archive for the ‘NYU’ Category

You’ve Been Wait­ing for an Ex­cuse to Use That One, Haven’t You?

NYU girl: I’m not sur­prised that she has mono. I mean, she’s been a slut for a while now. It was bound to catch up with her.
Friend: Yeah, she’s a re­verse juke­box.
NYU girl: A what?
Friend: You know how you put mon­ey in­to a juke­box and it makes noise? Guys put their dicks in her to make her shut the fuck up.

–NYU Sil­ver Cen­ter

Reg­u­lar Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman: …Then they gave him en­e­mas un­til it ran clear. Now he has­n’t had a move­ment in three days. Should I be wor­ried?

–Sub­way

Suit: Yeah, I just left a floater in the up­stairs bath­room.

–44th & 3rd

Am­bigu­ous­ly gay ac­tor: Flow­ers come out. Girls do not poop, ever. Ever!

–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU

Over­heard by: a girl who poops

Fresh­man chick: I am so not in the mood to take a shit right now.

–Re­stroom, Hunter Col­lege

Cheru­bic blonde chick to an­oth­er: You know that ‘BM’ means poop, right?

–Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um of Art

Suit-in-train­ing: Oh, yeah, I do have to take a shit — I for­got.

–NYU Stern Build­ing

Guy wait­ing for stall: Let’s go gang, push it out! We got­ta go out here!

–Man­hat­tan Mall

Over­heard by: KeeZ

In the 70s They Called That a ‘Nose Job’.

JAP: I did the whole Manhattan/Long Island/Westchester Jew thing this year.
Guy: How’d that work out?
JAP: I think I’m go­ing to cut that phase in my life.

–NYU

Over­heard by: A. Pin­cus

Head­line by: Still got my orig­i­nal nose.

Run­ners-Up:
· “By Which I Mean the In­side Of My Thigh” — Tadzio
· “I Re­al­ized I Can Keep the Sense Of En­ti­tle­ment With­out All That Ex­tra Work.” — stooby­doo
· “I Think Hitler Tried That Al­ready.…” — Sarah Booz
· “I’ll Tell the Guy Who’s Ghost-Writ­ing My Au­to­bi­og­ra­phy Lat­er To­day” — Louis
· “JAP Code for I Was Slut­ty and Need an Abor­tion” — Ca­su­al Ob­serv­er
· “Sort Of a “Lifestyle Bris”” — Chris

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