Archive for the ‘NYU’ Category

Fecal Coliform Wednesday One-Liners

Boricua: Yo, son, I told you! Birdseed don’t know shit about shit!

–Fordham University

Announcer: The 10:30… Shit, the 11:30 six train to Ronkonkoma is now boarding on track eighteen. Shit…

–LIRR terminal, Penn Station

Eight-year-old girl: Mom, look! Mom, they got a nicer elevator than we do! Shit.

–7th & 2nd

Overheard by: BJ

Girl: Awww, all they have is shit!

–NYU dining hall

Loud woman on phone: So, guess what my 18-month-old daughter learned to say? ‘Oh, shit.’ And guess who she learned it from? Mommy.

–Bergen Beach-bound B3 bus

Overheard by: Robert

Wednesday One-Liners Get a Reltney

Hipster girl: And he's always like, "oh god, I'm so hard!" and I'm always just like, "really?"

–Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU

Loud passenger: I'm so horny I'd fuck a potato right now.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: fingerling

Guy: I've had a hard-on all day! I need to polish my lid.

–Hard Rock Cafe

Bearded hipster to another, on blanket in the park: Like, I could have sex eight times in a day and still come here and get a boner.

–McCarren Park, Williamsburg

Overheard by: kalbijim

Girl to guy friend: Did you just get a boner while we're talking about Mexicans and drowning?

–Williamsburg

Freshly-Minted Wednesday One-Liners

Annoying Jersey girl on cell: I'm not frugal. I'm, like, not frugal with a vengeance. I, like, refuse to consider money.

–19th & 8th

Overheard by: Hobo

Columbia University administrator: It gets difficult to manage finances as your endowment reaches the size of the GDP of a small country.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Senatore

Bike messenger (yelling): Could anybody spare $50,000?

–6th Ave & 20th St

Overheard by: thiess

Man: I mean, what does does she *really* get out of riding a five thousand dollar scooter?

–Outside Think Coffee

Overheard by: nemily

Suit on cell: You see, the thing with money counters is they jam…and when you are in a roomful of illiterate afghans, there's 8 million on the table and they mistrust you.

–Mercer & Grand

Professor: I bet none of you wrote that in your admissions essay. "I want money." Actually, that might be successful. They might think, "hey, that's pretty cool, they're telling the truth."

–NYU Law

Wednesday One-Liners Enjoy Team Sports

20-something guy on BlackBerry: No, he's not gay. I was in a fivesome with him, but he's not gay.

–L Train

Girl to gay friend after walking into gay bar: Dude, either find me a straight boy or two Asians that will let me watch.

–NYC

Girl to guy friends: I mean, he's okay he had the threesome–the guy was his best friend!

–8th St & 5th Ave

Angry woman on phone: While you're out having orgies I am doing the real work!

–Victorian Flatbush

Pretentious professor type in academic tone: My ex had unrealistic fantasies. She used to dream about being fucked by God and Satan and the same time. How could I live up to that?

–NYU

Privacy Maniacs