Archive for the ‘NYU’ Category

I Hear Jig­saw Loves Self-De­struc­tive Gym Bun­nies

Young woman: I re­al­ly want a boyfriend who is mean, who can say that, “I’m gonna kill him” and then looks down at his hand, and that laughs.
Old­er woman nods.
Young woman: You know, like those vil­lians in movies with that grin, not the crazy ones who laugh but the ones who grin.

–NYU gym lock­er room

Along with Blue Balls and Shame

NYU brat #1: So, did you guys end up hook­ing up, or what?
NYU brat #2: Yeah, we dry-humped for, like, an hour.
NYU brat #1: Dry-humped?! What are we, back in, like, eighth grade?
NYU brat #2: What, you haven’t heard? Dry-hump­ing is sooo back in.

–NYU

Over­heard by: CK

Fresh­ly-Mint­ed Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

An­noy­ing Jer­sey girl on cell: I’m not fru­gal. I’m, like, not fru­gal with a vengeance. I, like, refuse to con­sid­er mon­ey.

–19th & 8th

Over­heard by: Hobo

Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty ad­min­is­tra­tor: It gets dif­fi­cult to man­age fi­nances as your en­dow­ment reach­es the size of the GDP of a small coun­try.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Sen­a­tore

Bike mes­sen­ger (yelling): Could any­body spare $50,000?

–6th Ave & 20th St

Over­heard by: thiess

Man: I mean, what does does she *re­al­ly* get out of rid­ing a five thou­sand dol­lar scoot­er?

–Out­side Think Cof­fee

Over­heard by: ne­mi­ly

Suit on cell: You see, the thing with mon­ey coun­ters is they jam…and when you are in a room­ful of il­lit­er­ate afghans, there’s 8 mil­lion on the ta­ble and they mis­trust you.

–Mer­cer & Grand

Pro­fes­sor: I bet none of you wrote that in your ad­mis­sions es­say. “I want mon­ey.” Ac­tu­al­ly, that might be suc­cess­ful. They might think, “hey, that’s pret­ty cool, they’re telling the truth.”

–NYU Law

Su­per­poke! Wednes­day Has Thrown a One-Lin­er at You!

Frus­trat­ed styl­ist on com­put­er: How do you spell “Google”?

–Dra­mat­ics Hair Sa­lon

Hot Asian woman: She has­n’t even post­ed her face on Face­book!

–88th & 2nd

Over­heard by: Sam H.

Teen to friend: My mom still has­n’t Face­booked me back about tak­ing care of my dog.

–Bed­ford Ave

Over­heard by: kayt

Soror­i­ty girl: Like…oh my god. We should write about our­selves on Juicy Cam­pus and see what oth­er peo­ple say.

–Class­room, NYU

Over­heard by: An­gela

Mid­dle-aged jan­i­tor: You’ve got to try that in­ter­net! It has every­thing!

–Mo­MA

Over­heard by: Cristi­na

Roll Tape, Please

Kid in bag­gy pants: What do you mean, you’re a vir­gin?
Kid shoot­ing pool: Dude, I’m to­tal­ly a vir­gin.
Kid in bag­gy pants: Trust me, you’re not a vir­gin.

–Pool hall near NYU

Over­heard by: DJ

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Clean Every­thing Up Be­fore Their Par­ents Get Back

Black woman in trashy out­fit: And he said “But the par­ty just start­ed, bitch, I’ll take you in a few hours!” and I was like, “Nig­ga please! My wa­ter just broke!”

–Low­er East Side

Asian bim­bo on cell: I just spoke to Per­cy and al­leged­ly they threw a par­ty af­ter we were fired, to cel­e­brate us get­ting fired…but we’re peo­ple too.

–181 & St Nicholas

Over­heard by: must not have liked you

Hip­ster girl: My all-time dream is to be shot by the co­bra snake at a par­ty, with a cig in my hand and Paul* be­tween my thighs.

–NYU Dorm

Over­heard by: Dayn

Tat­tooed guy on iPhone: Yeah, I’m bring­ing a 250-foot Slip ‘N Slide!

–7th & 13th St

Over­heard by: can I come to that par­ty?

Loud man on cell: Yo, son! Why did­n’t you in­vite to your par­ty? Damn…c’mon! Re­mem­ber that time the chick in a wheel­chair was work­ing us in the cab? Yeah, she was in a wheel­chair! Re­mem­ber we got a cab for her and put her in the cab? That’s right–that was me! She was giv­ing us both head.

–BBQ Re­stroom, 8th Ave, Chelsea

20-some­thing woman: Wait…when is it a rule to give the host a hand­job?

–Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Over­heard by: Jazz