Archive for the ‘Offers and requests’ Category

Call­ing Me on My Trans­par­ent Scam Like That

Home­less man to pas­sen­gers: If you ever have any left­over food or drinks or what­not, you can bring them to me at this ad­dress. (hands out busi­ness cards)
Suit: Umm… How’d you get the mon­ey to print out busi­ness cards?
Home­less man: Kiss my ass, give me that card back!

–6 Train

Over­heard by: Chris­tine

He Won’t Even Use Old Ones to Line His Bird’s Cage

Wan­na-be prep­py: Hey! Is that the news­pa­per?
Slack­er: Yeah.
Wan­na-be prep­py: Let’s have a look at it.
(slack­er throws pa­per in­to lock­er and locks lock­er)
Wan­na-be prep­py: Aw, why did you do that?
Slack­er: I can’t let you see it. It’s not mine.
Wan­na-be prep­py: Whose is it?
Slack­er: My girl­friend’s broth­er. He’s re­al­ly sen­si­tive…
Wan­na-be prep­py: Re­al­ly sen­si­tive about the news­pa­per?

–Mid­town

Over­heard by: Kane

To­day It’s a Lol­ly. To­mor­row It’s a BMW

(wait­ing in line)
Four-year-old kid: Mom­my, I re­al­ly want a lol­lipop!
Mom: Uhuh, move up here hon­ey.
Kid: Mom! Just give in, I want a lol­lipop, okay?
(moth­er ig­nores him)
Kid: Just give in, it’s okay, I want one. It’s okay to give in, mom.
(pause)
Kid: Mom, this is­n’t go­ing to work for me! I want a lol­lipop!
Ran­dom guy in line: Re­sist!

–As­so­ci­at­ed Su­per­mar­kets, Bleeck­er & La­Guardia

Over­heard by: Caitlin­is­NewHere

Why Tho­razine Is Con­traindi­cat­ed for Ser­vice Em­ploy­ees

Yan­kee fan: Yeah, I’ll have a grilled chick­en sand­wich and a vanil­la iced cof­fee.
Ap­a­thet­ic cashier: Crispy chick­en sand­wich?
Yan­kee fan: No, grilled, sor­ry about that–I thought I said grilled.
Ap­a­thet­ic cashier: And you want­ed a Di­et Coke?
Yan­kee fan: No, a vanil­la iced cof­fee.
Cashier: Oh.

–Mc­Don­ald’s, Yan­kee Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Rachel W.

One Life to Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Five-year-old boy to fa­ther: Is this an im­por­tant life les­son?

–14th & 6th

Over­heard by: A

Young Asian man to woman ig­nor­ing him: Hey, let’s go get a falafel. Hey, hey–you live around here of­ten?

–Union Square

Over­heard by: ser­e­na

Woman, throw­ing Mc­Nuggets at man: Get the fuck out of my life!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: El­liot

Fran­tic crazy guy: I’m gonna go have a seat in Star­bucks and get my life to­geth­er!

–6th Ave & 25th St

Over­heard by: tbomb

Suit on phone: Well that’s life, you screw peo­ple over and then you go to the Ba­hamas.

–Train in­to Penn Sta­tion

Where Else Can You Get Labia Jew­el­ry on the Street?

Man sell­ing glass­es on the street: Would you like a pierc­ing to­day?
Woman on phone: Hang on… What?
Man sell­ing glass­es: Would you like to get a pierc­ing to­day?
Woman: Would I like a…? No, I would not like to get a pierc­ing to­day. (back in­to phone) I love New York.

–St. Mark’s St

Over­heard by: Lo­gan

How to Make a Stu­dent Yearn to Dis­cuss Poly­no­mi­als

Fe­male tu­tor: Okay, so do you want a soy hot choco­late?
12-year-old stu­dent: No, that tastes fun­ny.
Fe­male tu­tor: So you want cow milk, eh? How would you feel if you were hooked up to a ma­chine all day giv­ing milk?
(stu­dent is silent)
Fe­male tu­tor: You know it’s breast milk right?
Stu­dent: Yeah.
Fe­male tu­tor: Moooooo moooooo. (makes suck­ling noise.) Moooo moooo! (Makes suck­ling noise)

–Hop­scotch

Over­heard by: bildita