Archive for the ‘Office’ Category

It’s All Greek to Me

Busi­ness­guy: It’s a small world.
Busi­ness­chick: Es­pe­cial­ly in As­to­ria!
Busi­ness­guy: Ha, ha, ha!
Busi­ness­chick: Hee, hee.

–Mid­town of­fice

We Can Spot Fake Wednes­day One-Lin­ers a Mile Away

Ex­as­per­at­ed woman on phone: It’s a phone in­ter­view! What does it mat­ter what type of boobs I have?

–Of­fice Build­ing, 32nd & 7th

Over­heard by: erkala

Girl, af­ter guy ac­ci­den­tal­ly hit her boob: Ow! You should be squeez­ing them, not hit­ting them!

–Toys R’ Us, Times Square

Over­heard by: Lotte

Up­per West Side girl to friend: I hate that my boobs are so big! It com­plete­ly ru­ins that skirt for me.

–Canal Street

Hobo: But I don’t want to love my breasts!

–Ave B

Man on cell: So you’re com­ing to New York? That’s good. I called your moth­er, she said you’re stay­ing with some girl with big tits tonight.

–West 4th Street

Guy to an­oth­er, while at lunch: I don’t care if you think I live too fast and I’ll be dead at 45. At least I’ll die with a tit­tie in my mouth!

–Bryant Park

Over­heard by: sal b

If Every­body You Meet Is a Wednes­day One-Lin­er, Check the Mir­ror

Guy to friend: Yeah, Er­ic’s an ass­hole, but he’s like… my ass­hole.

–11th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Z

Man on cell: I en­joy suck­ing the wind out of ass­holes.

–Brook­lyn Pub­lic House

Over­heard by: In fair­ness, the con­ver­sa­tion was about ver­bal bul­lies

Girl: Wow, my ass­hole has just been all sorts of evil all day, I shat in four dif­fer­ent bath­rooms on this floor and the one up, so I would­n’t suf­fer alone. I shared its wrath. Is that wrong?

–Of­fice, Mid­town

Loud dude: My ass­hole is re­al­ly fuck­ing itchy!

–Bronx High School of Sci­ence

Over­heard by: ur­banad­ven­tur­er

Crazy hobo: At­ten­tion every­one! You’re all ass­holes! Stu­pid ass­holes!!

–Park Row, near Brook­lyn Bridge

Over­heard by: Hol­lis­ter

Wednes­day Hold-on-There’s-Some­one-on-the-Oth­er-Lin­ers

60-year-old man on cell: I want you to do a big fave for me, okay? Call my aun­t’s house. If my aunt picks up, hang up.

–B4 Bus

Over­heard by: Vic­to­ria Taraso­va

Dude on cell: No, it’s okay, my cell­phone is at­tached to my hand. It’s part of my hand!

–Restau­rant Bath­room, 7th Ave

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

NYU guy on cell, snot­ti­ly: No wait, wait… Is it full be­cause you keep leav­ing them for me and I nev­er both­er to lis­ten? (pause) Voice­mail is a dead tech­nol­o­gy, dad.

–Bus

Over­heard by: liz

Woman on crutch­es: Peo­ple think I’m talk­ing on one of those Blue­tooth-head­phone-cell phones. Nah. I’m just talk­ing to my­self. Pfft! I ain’t got no cell phone! I just talk to my­self! That’s right!

–Food Stamp Of­fice, 14th St

Over­heard by: Er­i­ca Schrein­er

African Amer­i­can man on cell: I got­ta go. I got Richard Sim­mons on the oth­er line.

–30th St & Madi­son Ave

Over­heard by: mike v

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers! They’re Just Like Us!

Creepy dad, cheer­ful­ly, to sev­en-year-old daugh­ter: There’s on­ly one Lind­say Lo­han!

–Down­town 1 train

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

Jew­ish girl to friend: You know how ever since I got my shnoz done peo­ple tell me I look like Amy Wine­house?

–116th St & Broad­way

Crazy black guy on bus, to no one in par­tic­u­lar: Derek Jeter looks just like Robert Deniro, man… Just like him!

–N6 Bus

Over­heard by: looks like paris hilton?

Larg­er re­porter: I’m not go­ing to save clothes that fit me be­fore I gained weight in case I lose it. If I lose weight, I’m go­ing to buy some new damn clothes. I don’t want to wear stuff from 1987. I’ll look stu­pid, I’ll look like Mis­cha Bar­ton.

–Mid­town Of­fice

Over­heard by: you wont be mis­cha’s size

Hip­ster girl to friend: I mean, I re­al­ly like him… But he thinks Riv­er Phoenix is a place.

–East Vil­lage