Archive for the ‘Office’ Category

Don’t Hate the Wednesday One-Liner, Hate the Game

(a pigeon flies up to a rambling bike messenger)
Bike messenger: Hey, bird. Whadda ya say? How you doing? You play baseball? What position? First base? Third? Catcher?

–47th & Madison

Ditzy teen on cell: Why can’t they, like, have two footballs instead so both teams could score?

–Doctor’s Office, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Professor: Did I tell you guys I’m getting into professional wrestling?

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Didn’t want the details

Guy to another, screaming at the top of his lungs: It’s fucking field hockey! It’s a girl’s sport! Why are you even on the team?! You make me sick!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Scott Jurkowski

Train conductor, announcing stop: Willets point, Shea Stadium…home of that *other* team.

–Willets Point, Queens

Overheard by: Random Asian Chick

Wednesday One-Liners Learn About the Natives Using Participant Observation

Tour guide: If you’re going to be in New York for at least a year, I’d recommend going to an outer borough.

–Bowling Green

Woman, looking at dirty man talking on cell with shirt open: That, that right there, oh, yes, that is sooo New York.

–Worth & Broadway

Overheard by: Half Shirt 

Office worker: We’ve lived in New York too long. Instead of saying “ridiculously overpriced” we say “upscale.”

–Office, Carnegie Hall

Overheard by: inge

Crazy man: The subways have names and letters and numbers. They are not colors. Don’t you dare call them by colors. They have names and letters and numbers. The 4 is not the green train; it is the IRT Lexington Avenue Express. The 6 is not the green train; it is the IRT Lexington Avenue Local. An idiot in Brooklyn asks for the orange train at King’s Highway. It is not the orange train. It is the F train. He should be deported to Mars for calling it the orange train! The trains have names and letters and numbers! And you never call 6th Avenue the Avenue of the Americas!

–Uptown R train 

Lady, amongst a crowd of women, shoving and stripping to their underwear to try on designer clothes: Oh my God! I am so not New York enough for this!

–Barney’s Warehouse Sale, 17th between 7th & 8th

Overheard by: Dr. Mary

Girl: Being a New Yorker is great. You get to give the finger to everybody and nobody seems to care. I love this city!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Jen

Tourist: These people must love their sandwiches! There are so many Subways here!

–Times Square