Archive for the ‘Old People’ Category

Box­es and Box­es of Co­coa Puffs

Old woman: Have you seen Char­lie?
Guy: No..he said he was gonna check him­self in­to the hos­pi­tal, and prob­a­bly stay for a long time.
Old woman: Be­cause I have some food for him…Now Patrick, have you seen Char­lie? I have some food for him.
Old man: Char­lie done checked his­self in­to the psy­cho ward for two months.
Old woman: I guess I got­ta throw the food out then.

–Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Heiny Kleist

…By Glaz­ing Over the Truth.

Old la­dy cov­ered in ba­by pow­der: Give me six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, which ones?
Old la­dy cov­ered in ba­by pow­der: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: These are all donuts… Which ones?
Old la­dy cov­ered in ba­by pow­der: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, I’ll just give you a se­lec­tion of six. (starts putting ran­dom donuts in bag)
Old la­dy cov­ered in ba­by pow­der: Six donuts, don’t trick me.

–Flat­bush, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Save the Whales, Save the Whole Thing

Bone­less Ones in Sauce

Old la­dy #1: Well, then my grand­son and his friends went over to Hoot­ers. You know, Hoot­ers the restau­rant? Do you know what hoot­ers are?
Old la­dy #2: Big boo­bies?

–Guy & Gal­lard Deli, 6th & 37th

Over­heard by: Michelle S.

He Hates Sweep­ing Up Shat­tered Eth­nic Stereo­types

Old Jew­ish man: My door­man does­n’t like me.
Younger re­tired Jew­ish man with dog: Why?
Old Jew­ish man: If I told you, you would­n’t be­lieve it. I had a bunch of news­pa­pers I had to throw out, but I had to put them in the re­cy­cling bin. So I was open­ing it up when a black woman said to me, “aw, sir, you don’t have to go through the garbage!” and she gave me twen­ty dol­lars!
Younger re­tired Jew­ish man with dog: You did­n’t keep it, did you?
Old Jew­ish man: She dashed away down the stairs! I had to.
Younger re­tired Jew­ish man with dog: And the door­man saw that?
Old Jew­ish man: Uh-huh.

–Chase Bank, Queens Blvd

Wednes­day Undie-Lin­ers

Guy: Oh, man! It is not a good day to be my un­der­wear!

–Wine Store, 75th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Raven

10-year-old to lit­tle broth­er: Hey! C’mere! You wan­na play Cap­tain Un­der­pants?

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: dog­boy

Guy on cell: I’m not pay­ing her to smell your un­der­wear!

–57th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Lagsa­lot

Loud old­er gen­tle­man watch­ing peo­ple at sub­way en­trance: They don’t wear brassieres any­more!

–23rd St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: Zom­bie Boyfriend

Old­er la­dy in fu­ner­al pro­ces­sion be­hind bag piper wear­ing kilt: I looked. He’s wear­ing un­der­pants.

–120th & Broad­way