Archive for the ‘Old People’ Category

Wednes­day, with a One-Lin­er Chas­er

Fe­male day-drink­ing tourist: Oh shit, I left my vod­ka in the church!

–Out­side Trin­i­ty Church

Man on cell: If it’s pos­si­ble to fer­ment it, we have fer­ment­ed it.

–7th St b/w 2nd & 3rd Ave

Mid­dle-aged man to younger man: You know how cats and dogs–they eat and then they go? In one end and out the oth­er. I’m like that. My blad­der has room for the equiv­a­lent of one good cock­tail.

–10th Ave and W 50th St

Over­heard by: Ah.…middle age

Com­muter at 8 am: Beer. Beer.

–Grand Cen­tral

Over­heard by: ba­con­ista

Old drunk walk­ing in­to a liquor store, to clerk: Have you got my pre­scrip­tion?

–Broad­way & 106th St

Over­heard by: rick­bruner

Box­es and Box­es of Co­coa Puffs

Old woman: Have you seen Char­lie?
Guy: No..he said he was gonna check him­self in­to the hos­pi­tal, and prob­a­bly stay for a long time.
Old woman: Be­cause I have some food for him…Now Patrick, have you seen Char­lie? I have some food for him.
Old man: Char­lie done checked his­self in­to the psy­cho ward for two months.
Old woman: I guess I got­ta throw the food out then.

–Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Heiny Kleist

…By Glaz­ing Over the Truth.

Old la­dy cov­ered in ba­by pow­der: Give me six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, which ones?
Old la­dy cov­ered in ba­by pow­der: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: These are all donuts… Which ones?
Old la­dy cov­ered in ba­by pow­der: Six donuts.
Donuts clerk: Okay, I’ll just give you a se­lec­tion of six. (starts putting ran­dom donuts in bag)
Old la­dy cov­ered in ba­by pow­der: Six donuts, don’t trick me.

–Flat­bush, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Save the Whales, Save the Whole Thing

Bone­less Ones in Sauce

Old la­dy #1: Well, then my grand­son and his friends went over to Hoot­ers. You know, Hoot­ers the restau­rant? Do you know what hoot­ers are?
Old la­dy #2: Big boo­bies?

–Guy & Gal­lard Deli, 6th & 37th

Over­heard by: Michelle S.

He Hates Sweep­ing Up Shat­tered Eth­nic Stereo­types

Old Jew­ish man: My door­man does­n’t like me.
Younger re­tired Jew­ish man with dog: Why?
Old Jew­ish man: If I told you, you would­n’t be­lieve it. I had a bunch of news­pa­pers I had to throw out, but I had to put them in the re­cy­cling bin. So I was open­ing it up when a black woman said to me, “aw, sir, you don’t have to go through the garbage!” and she gave me twen­ty dol­lars!
Younger re­tired Jew­ish man with dog: You did­n’t keep it, did you?
Old Jew­ish man: She dashed away down the stairs! I had to.
Younger re­tired Jew­ish man with dog: And the door­man saw that?
Old Jew­ish man: Uh-huh.

–Chase Bank, Queens Blvd