Archive for the ‘On Cell’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Dim­mer Than a Flint­stones Night Light

Gay guy to friend: I may be gay but I’m not stu­pid.

–The Flame Din­er, 58th St & 9th Ave

Woman to man: But they were on­ly stop­ping the dum­b­ass­es… That’s why they stopped your dumb ass.

–W 66th St & Am­s­ter­dam Ave

Over­heard by: Su­san Vol­chok

(Blonde is hav­ing trou­ble hail­ing cab dur­ing rush hour)
Gyp­sy cab dri­ver in town car: No one will take you cuz you’re stu­pid!

–116th & Broad­way

20-some­thing guy to girl: It’s eleven and it will take you till one to get home, then I’ll call you and tell you how stu­pid you are.

–4th St Sub­way Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Glad I’m not dat­ing him

Girl: Alex­is, we’ve been over this. You’re stu­pid.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Cros­by

Bim­bette, yelling in­to cell: Yo! Look who you’re talk­ing to–I’m not ex­act­ly the smartest per­son in the world!

–Am­s­ter­dam Ave

Over­heard by: dumb as a rock

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Just “So­cia­ble”

Drunk gay man: I’ve slept with more men than my mom has!

–Ave A

Over­heard by: Let his own mom win that con­test

Woman to man: I don’t want to be known as the whore of New York­ers.

–9th Ave & 44th St

Woman on cell: It’s just sex. There’s no way you guys can ever be per­ma­nent­ly tied, or any­thing.

–Ma­cy’s

Prep­py, mid­dle-aged woman, about man on iPhone: Who is that whore?

–Book­store, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: ‑she prob­a­bly said

My New Wife, Wednes­day One-lin­ers

Guy: Man, you think Lee Har­vey Os­wald had good aim? You should meet my wife.

–B train

Over­heard by: Jess Is­sacharoff

Woman: Her bridal show­er was her sweet six­teen.

–F train

Queer on cell: Hi, Sweetie!…What? You got mar­ried? But hon­ey, you’re gay!

–63rd & 3rd

Chick on cell: So did I tell you about the e‑mail I got? This guy I met on-line, on Nerve–we went out on like three dates, like a year and a half ago. Yeah, so I got an e‑mail from his wife and she was like, “Yo bitch, stay away from my hus­band.” So I wrote back, “Don’t e‑mail me, e‑mail your hus­band who’s been cheat­ing on you for two fuck­ing years.”

–33rd & Park

Teen girl: Yeah, he’s re­al­ly lone­ly since his wife died 3 years ago. Now his best friend is his right hand and some skin lo­tion.

–Park Slope

Guy: Hey, how’s my wife and your kids?

–55th & Madi­son

Over­heard by: Matt

Man on cell: I ain’t try­ing to see you noth­in’. I want to mar­ry you. I’m tellin you the truth. T‑R-U-F‑F. The Truth!

–At­lantic Av­enue gas sta­tion

Over­heard by: Megan

Gate agent: You need to lis­ten to me. Don’t lis­ten to your wife. Your wife does­n’t work here.

–Newark air­port

Over­heard by: jk

One Life to Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Five-year-old boy to fa­ther: Is this an im­por­tant life les­son?

–14th & 6th

Over­heard by: A

Young Asian man to woman ig­nor­ing him: Hey, let’s go get a falafel. Hey, hey–you live around here of­ten?

–Union Square

Over­heard by: ser­e­na

Woman, throw­ing Mc­Nuggets at man: Get the fuck out of my life!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: El­liot

Fran­tic crazy guy: I’m gonna go have a seat in Star­bucks and get my life to­geth­er!

–6th Ave & 25th St

Over­heard by: tbomb

Suit on phone: Well that’s life, you screw peo­ple over and then you go to the Ba­hamas.

–Train in­to Penn Sta­tion

The Wednes­day One-lin­ers NYC Tour Guide

Black woman: This here is Chelsea. It’s where all the rich ho­mo­sex­u­als live.

–18th Street be­tween 7th & 8th

Teenage kid: There are some hot Chi­nese bitch­es at this stop, son!

–Ful­ton Street G sta­tion

Over­heard by: Thomas Bugarin

Woman: Well, I’m in So­ho now…

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Davis Mc­Davis

Queer: Oh, I went to Queens once. By ac­ci­dent. I was com­ing back from La Guardia and the taxi dri­ver said he was tak­ing me on a short­cut.

–Starlight, Av­enue A

Over­heard by: Lukas

Thug: Next stop: Ghet­toville, USA! That’s re­al Amer­i­ca, none of this Japan­ese-Amer­i­can bull­shit. Mmmm…smell that? Smells like the East Vil­lage!

–A train

Guy: This is the new Wall Street Times build­ing.

–41st & 8th con­struc­tion site

Man: See, that’s the one. If I was gonna write it a let­ter, I would be­gin, “Dear Ugli­est Build­ing in New York City”.

–West­in Ho­tel, Times Square

Over­heard by: Kay­la Ca­gan

Guy on cell: Bond Street? It’s north of Hous­ton Street so it’s not in So­ho. But I don’t know what the neigh­bor­hood is called.

–City Hall Park

Where Else Can You Get Labia Jew­el­ry on the Street?

Man sell­ing glass­es on the street: Would you like a pierc­ing to­day?
Woman on phone: Hang on… What?
Man sell­ing glass­es: Would you like to get a pierc­ing to­day?
Woman: Would I like a…? No, I would not like to get a pierc­ing to­day. (back in­to phone) I love New York.

–St. Mark’s St

Over­heard by: Lo­gan

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Spell It “Am­i­nals”

Thank God the Wednes­day One-Lin­ers’ Strike Is Over

Chick on cell: We can’t let Blair and Tootie con­trol our lives!

–LIRR

Over­heard by: Poo­gins

Home­less crazy black guy to three scared white girls in their twen­ties: Time is crazy. Oh man, what time is “Des­per­ate House­wives” on?!

–10th Street & 3rd Ave

Large lati­no: Yo, it was so good last night, I mean I can’t be­lieve you missed it. It was the best episode I’ve seen yet, se­ri­ous­ly bro… Well the main thing that hap­pened was Hei­di tried to apol­o­gize to LC and she was all like: “I wan­na for­get you!” I was like: “Whaaaaaat? For re­al?” It was crazy, you got­ta catch it!

–Times Square Of­fice Build­ing

Over­heard by: SU­SAN

Red­head: The “Brady Bunch” world is a world with­out urges.

–Ve­niero’s, 11th St be­tween 1st & 2nd

Over­heard by: Ur­su­la & Winifred

Mus­cu­lar guy: He comes up to me talk­ing all this shit, say­ing that he’ll bring it. Bring what? He’s not gangs­ta like I am, he ain’t thug like me. Skin­ny moth­er­fuc­ka looks like a damn burnt-out Screech.

–On the Bus

Ful­some girl with bad dye job: I’m like: “I watch ‘Law and Or­der: SVU’, I’m not get­ting in your van.”

–15th be­tween 6th and 7th

Over­heard by: Dis­union­square

Aries Spears, in line for an Ash­lee Simp­son au­to­graph: I’m the black guy from MADtv! [Grabs a ran­dom girl’s cam­era and snaps a pic­ture of them to­geth­er and walks away.]

–Vir­gin Mo­bile Mega Store, Times Square

Wednes­day One-lin­ers Join the Jet Set

South­ern woman on cell: I could not feel worse than I do right now…You will…Oh my god, they are gonna have to land that air­plane so you can vom­it.

–66th be­tween CPW and Colum­bus

Over­heard by: Char­lie

Dirt­bag: Man, I have to get over to Eu­rope. I got­ta sell a fuck­ing kid­ney.

–St. Mark’s Place

Man on cell: Yeah ba­by, yeah, I’m still in Lon­don. Yeah, I’ll be back on Wednes­day, ba­by.

–West 4th & Jane

Con­duc­tor: You’re now en­ter­ing the coun­try of Brook­lyn. Please have your pass­ports ready…

–F train

Over­heard by: Paul Eng