Archive for the ‘On the Bus’ Category

Home Is Where You Hang Your Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Sales­woman to cus­tomer on busy day: Some days you re­al­ly should just stay at home. You’re cranky.

–Ma­cy’s, Her­ald Square

Loud black la­dy on cell: Moth­a­fuck­ah, I ain’t no one-night stand. If you think you can fuckin’ call me at 10:30 to 11:00 at night and fuckin’ pull me out of my home with my kids, then you must think I’m some oth­er… [whis­pers] bitch.

–Mail room, Fi­nan­cial Dis­trict

Woman on cell: Good, that way she won’t be able to beat on any­one else’s house guests! Let her sit at home and beat on her own house guests!

–M14 bus

Over­heard by: Eye­teeth

Con­duc­tor: Jes­si­ca! Jes­si­ca! Girl, you on this train. Jes­si­ca Eliz­a­beth! I’m tak­ing you home, girl.

–6 train

Over­heard by: frida­holic

Make Womb for Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Suit on phone: I don’t think she knows. (pause) But it’s just a night job! (pause) No, there’s no way I’m preg­nant. (pause) Why not?! Be­cause I’m a man, god­dammit!

–Star­bucks

Woman on cell: So re­mem­ber that time I thought I had that mis­car­riage?

–Grand Con­course & Ford­ham Road

Over­heard by: Er­i­ca S

Slight­ly over­weight girl: Thank you for the of­fer, sweet­ie, but I’m not preg­nant. I’m just fat!

–M100 Bus

Over­heard by: Tina­thetiny

Tall girl on cell: No way! I thought *you* were go­ing to im­preg­nate *me*. I wan­na have *your* chil­dren.

–Prince & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Ken Pa­proc­ki

Wheel­ing and Deal­ing (A NYC Short Sto­ry)

Chick on cell: …girl, you know I told her I would give her $5 and she would put in five. Right, so the guy gave us two dimes, right?… No, he gave us the sec­ond one for free, but it looked man­gled, so then we went out back to smoke it and hers flew away…Yeah, it flew away in­to the bush­es. Yo, I told her if she want­ed to smoke grass for re­als, that’s on her. I was like, I’m out…Right, so then I did­n’t have no mon­ey to get back on the bus be­cause my metro­card ran out at 8:30. She on­ly had a dol­lar, and I was like, “what am I sup­posed to do with a dol­lar?”.

–BX40 bus

You Keep Say­ing It, We’ll Keep Post­ing It

Black girl: Some moth­er­fuck­er put me on this site called overheardinnewyork.com. It’s so fucked up. Why would any­one put what I said on the streets to a site? This shit is not fuck­ing fun­ny.
Black guy: What was put up? I got­ta check this out, this shit sounds fun­ny.
Black girl: You were there, it was the time I told this Chi­nese nig­ger to apol­o­gize and he end­ed up telling me to go fuck my­self, and it was post­ed by some moth­er­fuck­er called Ting. Is that even a re­al fuck­ing name?
Black guy: Yeah, I re­mem­ber that, that shit was hi­lar­i­ous.
Black girl: Fuck you laugh­ing at? Don’t make me rip your balls out.

–Q46 bus

Over­heard by: Ting (again!)