Archive for the ‘On the Bus’ Category

Better Hundreds Dead Than Myself Inconvenienced

Hispanic guy: Can you believe they shut down the train station ’cause one guy got sick.
Old black guy: Fuckin’ selfish-ass people, man. Selfish.
Young woman: He was having a seizure.
Old black guy: Well, I would’ve dragged him out or something.
White guy: I can’t believe this is happening to me on my first day out of jail.

–116th & Broadway bus stop

Overheard by: Kendall

Wednesday One-Liners May Leave a Bad Taste in Your Mouth

Bland middle-aged woman: It's not like you're giving head in the Port Authority bathroom!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: j

English tourist: You'll go home and people will ask: "So what did you do on holiday?" You'll reply: "Oh, I gave the Empire State Building a blowjob!"

–34th St

Guy on cell: Ugh, fuck me in the ass. No… no, not you. Meanie. Why don't you just suck my dick. Suck my dick!

–34th Street

Dude on cell: It was like getting a blowjob from the inside.

–8th Ave & 53rd St

Guy on cell: Is that the guy that's been sucking your dick?

–81st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Kelley

Young guy on cell: And then I said: "I could really use a blowjob right now." She was offended!

–48th & Park

Young black man to friend: Just because she sucks my dick doesn't make her Oprah Winfrey.

–B48 Bus

You Know They'd Cook With Transubstantiated Fats

20 year-old guy: What if the afterlife and hell exists? I mean if it does, there has to be a society because billions of people would be there by now.
Friend: Yeah…
20 year-old: So that's a lot of people, like a society has to emerge since there can't be that many demons and torturers. You would have like a McDonald's and people working there. (pause) But you could be working there, and it could be every day for an eternity.
Friends: That's so much worse than hell.

–New Jersey Transit, Port Authority Bus Terminal

Wednesday Hold-on-There's-Someone-on-the-Other-Liners

60-year-old man on cell: I want you to do a big fave for me, okay? Call my aunt's house. If my aunt picks up, hang up.

–B4 Bus

Overheard by: Victoria Tarasova

Dude on cell: No, it's okay, my cellphone is attached to my hand. It's part of my hand!

–Restaurant Bathroom, 7th Ave

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

NYU guy on cell, snottily: No wait, wait… Is it full because you keep leaving them for me and I never bother to listen? (pause) Voicemail is a dead technology, dad.

–Bus

Overheard by: liz

Woman on crutches: People think I'm talking on one of those Bluetooth-headphone-cell phones. Nah. I'm just talking to myself. Pfft! I ain't got no cell phone! I just talk to myself! That's right!

–Food Stamp Office, 14th St

Overheard by: Erica Schreiner

African American man on cell: I gotta go. I got Richard Simmons on the other line.

–30th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: mike v

Could You Remind Me How to Breathe?

Hip Indian chick #1: We should totally go to Raj's party tomorrow night.
Hip Indian chick #2: Oh my god, we totally should! Except it's in Brooklyn. Like, how would we even get there? Are there like, bridges or something?
Hip Indian chick #1: You're kidding, right?
Hip Indian chick #2, laughing: Wow! I am so one of those people who are like total geniuses but always forget like, really basic stuff.
Hip Indian chick #1: Umm, yeah. Totally.

–M14D Bus

Overheard by: Cody