Archive for the ‘On the Bus’ Category

About 999,999 in a Mil­lion New York­ers, to Be Ex­act

Dad: The first pres­i­dent was George Wash­ing­ton, then John Adams, then Thomas Jef­fer­son, then James Madi­son, then–
Lit­tle girl: –Who’s the last pres­i­dent?
Dad: The pres­i­dent now? George W. Bush.
Lit­tle girl: I thought he was dead.
Dad: No… Some peo­ple want him to be.

–B1 bus

Over­heard by: Jen­nifer

Bet­ter Hun­dreds Dead Than My­self In­con­ve­nienced

His­pan­ic guy: Can you be­lieve they shut down the train sta­tion ’cause one guy got sick.
Old black guy: Fuckin’ self­ish-ass peo­ple, man. Self­ish.
Young woman: He was hav­ing a seizure.
Old black guy: Well, I would’ve dragged him out or some­thing.
White guy: I can’t be­lieve this is hap­pen­ing to me on my first day out of jail.

–116th & Broad­way bus stop

Over­heard by: Kendall

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers May Leave a Bad Taste in Your Mouth

Bland mid­dle-aged woman: It’s not like you’re giv­ing head in the Port Au­thor­i­ty bath­room!

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: j

Eng­lish tourist: You’ll go home and peo­ple will ask: “So what did you do on hol­i­day?” You’ll re­ply: “Oh, I gave the Em­pire State Build­ing a blowjob!”

–34th St

Guy on cell: Ugh, fuck me in the ass. No… no, not you. Meanie. Why don’t you just suck my dick. Suck my dick!

–34th Street

Dude on cell: It was like get­ting a blowjob from the in­side.

–8th Ave & 53rd St

Guy on cell: Is that the guy that’s been suck­ing your dick?

–81st & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Kel­ley

Young guy on cell: And then I said: “I could re­al­ly use a blowjob right now.” She was of­fend­ed!

–48th & Park

Young black man to friend: Just be­cause she sucks my dick does­n’t make her Oprah Win­frey.

–B48 Bus