Grandson: I wanna watch that show Chuck — about the spy.
Grandma: Cluck? It’s called ‘Cluck’?
Grandson: Chuck. He’s a spy.
Grandma: Cluck? Like a chicken?
Grandson: Grandma, you’re stupid.
Grandma: I just don’t think a chicken would make a good spy. He’d always be clucking.
Grandson: He’s not a chicken, he’s a spy.
Grandma: But then again, no one expects a chicken… Damn chickens…
–L train
College girl #1: He loves you.
College girl #2: Don’t say that!
College girl #1: Why not?
College girl #2: Because I have horrible self-esteem!
–7 train
Overheard by: Phillip Roncoroni
Park slope kid : Mommy, mommy, mommy! Can you fart?
Park slope mom, hesitant: That's not something to say on a train, sweetie. And no.
(little girls starts to throw a fit)
Park slope kid: Why not?!
–F Train
Man #1: So, shit, man, what was it like in prison?
Man #2: I learned how to make a girl out of three baloney sandwiches.
–L train
Overheard by: Sarah Lippek
Guy: …and he had, like, shark teeth! Three fucking rows of them! I swear.
–Fulton & Gold
Little girl: Hey mom, what's a cloister?
Little boy: It's a Pokemon, duh!
–1 Train
Overheard by: Melissa
Girl #1: I have an idea, why don’t we keep the doors open so even more people can pack in? Are we close enough yet?
Guy: Yeah. I could start crowd surfing.
Girl #1: It just sucks being squeezed in like this. Especially when you have to get off at the next stop–
Guy: Like you are going to do.
Girl #1: –and people won’t get out of the way. It’s like they don’t understand that you have to get off. This time I’m going to be like, “Bitches, get out of my way!”
Guy: Yeah.
Girl #1: I’m just trying to find one thing about this that doesn’t suck and I’ve got nothing.
Guy: Me either.
Girl #1: This is a nightmare…It’s so annoying to be forced to be so close to so many people in such a small space–
Girl #2: Yeah, it is really annoying, especially when you are forced to hear someone else’s conversation.
Guy: Whoa! What timing.
–L train
Indian guy #1: What would you rather have: the bling-bling or the ching-ching?
Indian guy #2: Well, I would have the ching-ching because you cannot have the bling-bling without the ching-ching.
–R train
Overheard by: Richard
Drunk Irish woman: What time is it?
Drunk Irish man: Nine o’clock.
Drunk Irish woman: It’s early! The bars are open until four here. We still have [pauses to count on her fingers] seven hours!
–uptown 1 train
Overheard by: Cat
Woman (wearing red pants & with red fingernails): I just made the greatest discovery: if I always dress in red, then I will always match and always look good! I’m now in the middle of getting rid of all my old clothing and buying only red clothing.
— Subway