Guy #1: I don’t know. I wouldn’t want to live in fucking West Bubblefuck.
Guy #2: Bubblefuck? Yeah?
Guy #1: Well, it’s like…3,000 miles away. Damn.
Guy #2: Oh yeah, right.
–1 train
Overheard by: Sarah Cullen
Archive for the ‘On the Subway’ Category
Wednesday One-liners Stand for Good Hygiene
Crazy guy: Shaving is so much more important than your cell phone.
–6 train
It’s Still Not Going to Convince the U.S. Government to Make Them a Real State.
Black teen: So, what you say your name was?
Hispanic teen: Irving.
Black teen: Irving? How you be Puerto Rican and have a name like ‘Irving’? Hi, my name’s Irving… That’s fucked up.
Hispanic teen: Yeah, Puerto Ricans name their kids some crazy shit.
–4 train
Overheard by: Oy-ving
Headline by: not irving
Runners-Up:
· “Anyway, I Be Seein’ You, LaQuan.” — Mysteron
· “At Least He Can Pronounce His” — Krisztina
· “Because Getting Your Ass Kicked in Elementary School Makes You Stronger” — cda
· “Don’t You Agree, Daquanjalomarterius?” — Karyn
· “Kind Of Like Being Named After the Car You Were Conceived In, Corolla.” — Gunther
· “Yeah, If I Had Your Parents, My Name Would Be Anferny…” — BG
And Then You’ll Get Depressed and Starve Yourself and Be Skinnier Than Before, Stupid
Boyfriend is trying to force-feed chocolate to his girlfriend.
Girlfriend: Stop, I don’t want it. It will make me fat, and you won’t want me.
Boyfriend: Yeah, but no one else will either.
–A train
This Baby, for Instance.
Gay guy #1: Nice shoes!
Gay guy #2: Thanks. I got them by doing sexual favors… just like everything else I own.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Julia
She Was Quite Modest about It, Too
Teenybopper #1: Ugh… I hate those overly-proud Hispanics!
Teenybopper #2: They drive me insane! They’re like, ‘Oh my god, Papi, 100 percent Boricua! Holla at me!‘
Teenybopper #1: Why can’t they speak good English?
Hispanic woman: I believe you mean to say, ‘Why can’t they speak English well?‘
Teen boy: Owned!
–L train
Overheard by: Laughing to myself
Their Weaves Were All Tangled
Girl #1: You got some yarn?
Girl #2: Fuck yeah, I got some motherfucking yarn! I pulling out my needles, niggas being all, “Damn, she crocheting and shit!” Ain’t nobody doing it before I been doing it.
Girl #3: I got mine.
Girl #2: Holla.
–A train
Overheard by: Andy Hobin
Like Crate and Barrel
Hipster chick: I saw a picture of Susie’s* fiancé.
Queer: Oh?
Hipster chick: Yeah. His face is really long. And demonic.
Queer: It’s interesting how you put it in that order.
Hipster chick: Well, that’s the order you think of it when you see him. It’s like, ‘Gee, his face sure is long. I wonder why? Oh, I see, it’s to hold all that evil.’
–6 train
Overheard by: Charlie
Hardly. He Could Have Said the Suitcase Was Full of Jessica Simpson CDs.
Younger black man with suitcase: I just want you all to know that I am getting on the train with a suspicious package.
Older black man, not looking up from his newspaper: Nigga, that is the stupidest thing you could have said.
–Downtown 1 train
Overheard by: observing on the 1
Wednesday One-Liners Burp the Worm
Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I’m serious, if you watch porn, you won’t have to eat for hours. Oh, and masturbating burns a lot of calories, too.
–Brooklyn
Very upset drunk hobo, after conductor announces last stop: Your kickin’ all these people out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?
–Bowling Green Station
Street dancer: Everyone on earth was born as a result of an orgasm. Everyone masturbates. And if they say they don’t, they’re lying. Even the Pope masturbates!
–Union Square
Irish dude, throwing tea to the ground: It’s not right, man! Asshole masturbated in my tea!
–Outside Starbucks
Teen thug: I wanna pleasure myself while writing an essay, what’s the problem with that?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Robert G.
