Archive for the ‘On the Subway’ Category

It’s Still Not Going to Convince the U.S. Government to Make Them a Real State.

Black teen: So, what you say your name was?
Hispanic teen: Irving.
Black teen: Irving? How you be Puerto Rican and have a name like ‘Irving’? Hi, my name’s Irving… That’s fucked up.
Hispanic teen: Yeah, Puerto Ricans name their kids some crazy shit.

–4 train

Overheard by: Oy-ving

Headline by: not irving

Runners-Up:
· “Anyway, I Be Seein’ You, LaQuan.” — Mysteron
· “At Least He Can Pronounce His” — Krisztina
· “Because Getting Your Ass Kicked in Elementary School Makes You Stronger” — cda
· “Don’t You Agree, Daquanjalomarterius?” — Karyn
· “Kind Of Like Being Named After the Car You Were Conceived In, Corolla.” — Gunther
· “Yeah, If I Had Your Parents, My Name Would Be Anferny…” — BG

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

She Was Quite Modest about It, Too

Teenybopper #1: Ugh… I hate those overly-proud Hispanics!
Teenybopper #2: They drive me insane! They’re like, ‘Oh my god, Papi, 100 percent Boricua! Holla at me!‘
Teenybopper #1: Why can’t they speak good English?
Hispanic woman: I believe you mean to say, ‘Why can’t they speak English well?‘
Teen boy: Owned!

–L train

Overheard by: Laughing to myself

Their Weaves Were All Tangled

Girl #1: You got some yarn?
Girl #2: Fuck yeah, I got some motherfucking yarn! I pulling out my needles, niggas being all, “Damn, she crocheting and shit!” Ain’t nobody doing it before I been doing it.
Girl #3: I got mine.
Girl #2: Holla.

–A train

Overheard by: Andy Hobin 

Like Crate and Barrel

Hipster chick: I saw a picture of Susie’s* fiancé.
Queer: Oh?
Hipster chick: Yeah. His face is really long. And demonic.
Queer: It’s interesting how you put it in that order.
Hipster chick: Well, that’s the order you think of it when you see him. It’s like, ‘Gee, his face sure is long. I wonder why? Oh, I see, it’s to hold all that evil.’

–6 train

Overheard by: Charlie

Wednesday One-Liners Burp the Worm

Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I’m serious, if you watch porn, you won’t have to eat for hours. Oh, and masturbating burns a lot of calories, too.

–Brooklyn

Very upset drunk hobo, after conductor announces last stop: Your kickin’ all these people out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?

–Bowling Green Station

Street dancer: Everyone on earth was born as a result of an orgasm. Everyone masturbates. And if they say they don’t, they’re lying. Even the Pope masturbates!

–Union Square

Irish dude, throwing tea to the ground: It’s not right, man! Asshole masturbated in my tea!

–Outside Starbucks

Teen thug: I wanna pleasure myself while writing an essay, what’s the problem with that?

–Q Train

Overheard by: Robert G.