Archive for the ‘On the Subway’ Category

That’s In­clud­ing the Rocks in Her Head

Woman #1: This train goes re­al­ly fast!
Woman #2: They don’t run it as of­ten, I think be­cause they’re afraid peo­ple might jump in front of it.
Woman #1: Oh my god! Who could be that de­pressed? Take some pills, for Christ’s sake.
Woman #2: I’m sur­prised it’s such a prob­lem here, I mean, duh, you got all these tall build­ings.
Woman #1: Well, any build­ing–
Woman #2: No, you got­ta go up at least 17 sto­ries to be sure, oth­er­wise you just end up in a wheel­chair which is, duh, su­per-de­press­ing.
Woman #1: 17 sto­ries!
Woman #2: Maybe 15 for you, you weigh more than me.

–4 train

… With a Cam­corder

Dis­traught woman: So, you know, I got a flat tire… Not on the Hon­da, you know, the Vol­vo.
Friend: Right.
Dis­traught woman: Well, this guy comes over to help me, but it turns out he on­ly stopped be­cause he was a foot fetishist…

–1 train

Over­heard by: prob­a­bly why she was on the sub­way

But Fun­ni­ly Enough, What Re­al­ly Set her off was ‘I’m On­ly With you for the Pussy’

Hip­ster guy: So she said in a few years, she would be ready for chil­dren.
Hip­ster girl: So what did you say to her?
Hip­ster guy: I told her in a few years, I would be ready for a pup­py, or a house­plant. Or maybe a moun­tain bike.
Hip­ster girl: That was the wrong an­swer.

–As­to­ria bound N train

Over­heard by: sillyso­cial­work­er

Slang: The Right Way and the Wrong Ways

La­dy #1: Look at all these kids! I feel so old…I can’t date in this city any more.
La­dy #2: Are you kid­ding? Lis­ten, hon­ey, let me tell you…I just fin­ished my starter mar­riage, and I’ve been dat­ing like crazy!

–6 train

Over­heard by: BBW

Girl #1: Look at my new ring! Is­n’t it shiny and big?
Girl #2: Omigod. When did you get it?
Girl #1: Yes­ter­day, my manlover gave it to me.
Girl #2: “Manlover”?
Girl #1: Yeah, he’s not a boy or my friend, hence manlover.

–F train

Over­heard by: fri­day­weasel

Black chick #1: I told her to keep her badussy hands off my sand­wich
Black chick #2: “Badussy”?
Black chick #1: Yeah, It’s like butt and pussy.

–Union Square

Guy: No, I mean I could but it’s not go­ing to change the fact that he did it and he’s prob­a­bly just go­ing to do it again at some point.
Girl: But you could still gain the sat­is­fac­tion of telling him he’s a bitch-ho.

–6 train

Girl #1: I’m on the brown; it stinks.
Girl #2: Brown?
Girl #1: You know, when your pe­ri­od is end­ing.

–Q train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Eat­ing Cat Food

News­pa­per hawk­er: Close your um­brel­las, peo­ple! You’re in­side! You’re go­ing to poke some­body’s eye out! Then they gonna sue you! Then you gonna be broke! Then you gonna throw your­self down the es­ca­la­tor!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Brawd

Black guy on cell: Nig­gas with no mon­ey are con­ta­gious!

–7 train plat­form, 74th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Robyn Z

Flight at­ten­dant: Wel­come to New York where the lo­cal time is 4:37. We know that you have a choice in se­lect­ing your air trav­el, and on be­half of the pi­lot and the crew I’d like to thank you for choos­ing our bank­rupt air­line.

–La­Guardia

Over­heard by: Ldartjoy

Man on cell: There’s noth­ing worse than a poor snob.

–115th & Broad­way, out­side Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Hobo: Don’t any­one wan­na do­nate to the broke-ass foun­da­tion?

–Hous­ton St

Over­heard by: Has been helped by that or­ga­ni­za­tion