Archive for the ‘On the Subway’ Category

But He’s a Major Tourist Attraction

Manic tourist lady #1: Oh wow, the front of the train. I’ve never been in FRONT before. Look! Haha! No driver!
Manic tourist lady #2: No driver? Seriously? Excuse me, sir? Who’s driving this subway?

Local looks up from paper and looks around frantically.

Manic tourist #2: Wait, seriously? Oh my God, should we get off?
Manic tourist #1: Oh, calm down. He’s just joking. We can’t get off ’til Union Square.
Local: Ma’am, I swear to God that I’m not joking. Nobody’s driving this train. I’m just as terrified as you are.
Manic tourist #2: Oh, whatever. He’s one of those New York assholes we heard about. Ignore him.

–4 train, 59th St

Overheard by: got off too

Someone Get Him a Manpon, STAT!

Woman, 40s: …so I was like, no man can get away with that! I won’t let him get away with that! So I decided to leave him. I took my clothes, my jewelry, and my money, I didn’t need no more than that…are you listening to me? So I packed my bags, took my jewelry, his jewelry, my money, his money, and left $5 on the dresser–leave him broke, right? And then before I left, he was sleeping? And you know, the muscle still works even when he’s sleeping (there’s kids around but y’all know what muscle I’m talking about). So I did what I had to do, right, and then I took the superglue and stuck it right to his stomach. I glued that shit down. I rubbed it all over his hair down there, too. Got him good. Neighbors told me he had to go to the hospital, get that shit surgically removed.

–4 train

Overheard by: Anna